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Aren't multiple invitations to meet up enough of an indication of my intentions? Do you not think that he should be returning the invite, at least once?
Just stop contact with him and wait for him to reach out to you. If he doesn't, then that's that. You don't want to get into a situation where you're carrying the entire weight of the friendship on your shoulders. In fact, that isn't even a friendship.
He has ADD. I don't know how that might manifest itself? I don't want to annoy him but I would like to get to the bottom of this for my own peace of mind.
Some people are simply lazy (or ignorant) about friendship. They consider you a friend and enjoy your company but it's all the easier for them if they don't have to initiate or plan. They are just go-along types. I've had people I stopped contacting because they never reciprocated, only to have them confront ME when I ran into them accidentally. "Why did you stop calling me?!" "What did I do wrong to get dropped from your calendar?" "Did you stop having parties or am I just not being invited."
Silly remarks like that. When I point out to them that relationships are usually a two way street and I am not their personal social director, they look at my like I've just told them their clothes are ugly. Your ADD friend might not have the best social skills so perhaps he means no offense by his behavior.
I've also noticed these are often the same people who completely drop all their friends when they get married.
So, I have an acquaintance who I've known for 9 months, here at university. We met each other at a society and we hit it off from there.
It started off that he invited me out for coffee a few times, then he stopped that so I invited him. We've been out for coffee and a few meals umpteen different times. Which is fine, except he doesn't iniate contact with me outside the groups or outside the coffee/meals.
It's always me messaging him and inviting him. Never do I hear from him. We last went for lunch about two weeks ago, and I haven't heard from him since.
I am getting the impression that by not contacting me he is giving hints that he isn't interested in friendship? I'm kind of getting tired of always being the one to initiate things. I get the impression, that I wouldn't hear anything from him for weeks if I didn't initiate contact.
In anycase, any friendship I have has always been met with a constant back and forth dialogue, I don't have that with this "friendship" and to me that is a little odd.
I'm totally confused? If he doesn't want to be bothered, why does he keep meeting up? Should I stop bothering with him altogether and move on?
You've asked and answered your own question. If you are tired of asking him with no reciprocation.....then just stop. You'll figure it out if he doesn't ever contact you.
Just curious.....if you invite, are you treating him? If you are paying each time, he may either be financially embarrassed, so cannot ask you out....or just happy for a feel meal when you do.
Find a friend that is as interested in you as you are them.
So, I have an acquaintance who I've known for 9 months, here at university. We met each other at a society and we hit it off from there.
It started off that he invited me out for coffee a few times, then he stopped that so I invited him. We've been out for coffee and a few meals umpteen different times. Which is fine, except he doesn't iniate contact with me outside the groups or outside the coffee/meals.
It's always me messaging him and inviting him. Never do I hear from him. We last went for lunch about two weeks ago, and I haven't heard from him since.
I am getting the impression that by not contacting me he is giving hints that he isn't interested in friendship? I'm kind of getting tired of always being the one to initiate things. I get the impression, that I wouldn't hear anything from him for weeks if I didn't initiate contact.
In anycase, any friendship I have has always been met with a constant back and forth dialogue, I don't have that with this "friendship" and to me that is a little odd.
I'm totally confused? If he doesn't want to be bothered, why does he keep meeting up? Should I stop bothering with him altogether and move on?
I think you should move on.
Regarding an acquaintance that I have: I don't particularly find him interesting, and we don't have much in common so I never initiate. However, when he initiates meeting for lunch, I'll go because I get the impression he doesn't have a lot of friends and he's lonely. I just don't have the heart not to go even though I don't really want to go.
The last time we had lunch was just after Thanksgiving, and I'm kinda relieved I haven't heard from him since.
Regarding an acquaintance that I have: I don't particularly find him interesting, and we don't have much in common so I never initiate. However, when he initiates meeting for lunch, I'll go because I get the impression he doesn't have a lot of friends and he's lonely. I just don't have the heart not to go even though I don't really want to go.
The last time we had lunch was just after Thanksgiving, and I'm kinda relieved I haven't heard from him since.
I think you've probably summed the situation up well!
Quote:
Originally Posted by tidaldream
OP. You don't really like the pattern of this coffee date..
This is how he rolls.
So, now it would seem like you're trying to correct his behavior.
I've left it up to him, I won't be contacting him in future.
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