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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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As I come closer to hitting my thirties, I'm seeing my friends have the weddings, the baby showers, sending their kids to school for the first time, celebrating their parents 25th and up anniversaries. I'm seeing the joy in their eyes and more and more because of the life choices I've made, I get a little saddened when I realized these things will not be a part of my life. What I mean:
- I've decided that I'm not interested in marriage.
- I've LONG decided that I do not want any children.
- I've probably reached the height of my education career with completing a hard program.
- One parent is dead and one is done with looking for love (probably for the best.)
So anyone who has decided on a childfree or anti-marriage life, how do you deal with the fact you won't hit some of life's biggest checkpoints?
Last time I was at my parents' house, we were going through old photo albums and talking about genealogy and family history. Even though I'm perfectly fine with not having children, it really hit me then that my line ends here. There will be no future generations that look like me or whom I can pass things (both heirlooms and stories) down to. It's a little sad, but as Kelly said in 90210, I choose my choice--me.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 05-09-2017 at 12:00 PM..
You admit yourself that you have made these decisions by choice.
Which is different than wanting marriage and not finding someone, wanting children and being unable to have them, or going further in school. Parents' longevity and relationship status you have no choice in.
It seems to me that those milestones come with the territory not chosen. You have three items on the list of four that you could still act on. Otherwise, you reconcile with the fact that you took another path. I don't know how you do that, but why the regrets if you don't at least make the attempt to change paths?
So anyone who has decided on a childfree or anti-marriage life, how do you deal with the fact you won't hit some of life's biggest checkpoints?
I have never wanted children, and have never thought of having children as "hitting one of life's biggest checkpoints." It's not one of MY checkpoints. I never give it any thought, other than "I'm glad we don't have kids," which does go through my mind fairly often.
OP, the sadness you are feeling probably means you should re-evaluate your choices.
As I come closer to hitting my thirties, I'm seeing my friends have the weddings, the baby showers, sending their kids to school for the first time, celebrating their parents 25th and up anniversaries. I'm seeing the joy in their eyes and more and more because of the life choices I've made, I get a little saddened when I realized these things will not be a part of my life. What I mean:
- I've decided that I'm not interested in marriage.
- I've LONG decided that I do not want any children.
- I've probably reached the height of my education career with completing a hard program.
- One parent is dead and one is done with looking for love (probably for the best.)
So anyone who has decided on a childfree or anti-marriage life, how do you deal with the fact you won't hit some of life's biggest checkpoints?
I'm married.
And I've been there for the birth of my 2 kids (I thought I'd have to deliver the second one!).
I wouldn't count any of those days as some the biggest highs or biggest checkpoints of my life. They are NOTHING compared to the day to day joys of being with my wife or laughing with my son or being beat up by my 2 year old daughter. And I literally had the best wedding I have ever been to (best venue, best food, best vistas, short ceremony, plenty booze...lol). Those memories are there, but they have faded to a pleasant fuzzy thing.
I think if I were you, I'd remind myself that the party or one-time event seems bigger than it is because of the fanfare. Fanfare always makes things look better than they are (like the new McDonald's french fry fork).
Well......I'm not actually "anti-marriage", but I figure that since I've reached my late 30s without having a wedding, it's not meant to happen.
There's also the fact that I feel it's near-impossible to find a guy whom I'd be happy with, and who would still be conservative/"mom-friendly" enough to fit in with my family.
I was anti-marriage and anti-children for the longest time. I thought I was happy with all my free time and ability to blow cash on anything I wanted, but I guess deep down it saddened me a tiny bit.
So, in my mid 30's I got married, and wife and I are expecting our 3rd this fall. Couldn't be happier right now in my life.
OP, reevaluate your choices, and decide what is right for you. If you long for such things, make some changes. Other than that, none of our opinions matter as to what is right for you.
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