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I've never understood the compulsion people have to visit people in a hospital, especially non-relatives, but also loved ones at times. I look and feel terrible if I'm a patient in a hospital. I'm sick or recovering from surgery - not pleasant. (in the past) I do not want visitors very much and not every day. When non-relatives visit, I think it is sometimes just being overly nosey.
And the way people stay with a loved one or a relative all day and late into the night is way over-done. Depending on the reason one is in the hospital.....
Just because it's the last place anyone wants to be, I do not see the logic for visiting every day and staying all day and all night - or extremely long periods or even every day. And you wouldn't normally be staying extremely long periods and daily if you were just visiting them in their own home or living with them. (not a dying situation)
The patients often feel terrible! And are embarrassed by some things surround the illness, and feel that they look terrible.
Me, too. Besides, today's hospitals are so busy - it's a constant round of taking vitals, bringing meals, filling out menus, respiratory treatments, blood draws, doctor rounds, dispensing medications, etc. that there's really no time to visit.
I don't understand the impulse to visit me in the hospital. Does it hark back to the Catholic upbringing where you are encouraged to do this to earn indulgences?
Stop in to see me when I get home. You could make a sandwich for me, or a cup of tea. You could stop at the pharmacy and pick up prescriptions or the grocery store for milk and bread. Maybe throw in a load of laundry or Hoover the carpet. Ah, that would require you to do something.
Instead, it's easier to sit by my bedside and tell me about the cousin who had what I have and who suffered agonies before he finally died. Now that's some cheerful conversation. Or you show up with nose red and dripping while you tell me that you have this terrible cold but you couldn't bear the thought of me being here all alone.
While there are many people who are thrilled at the thought of visitors, I, along with Matisse, are just happy being able to take a nap between vitals and meds. Besides, the patient in the other bed has enough visitors - all loud, noisy, and completely oblivious to the fact that there's a sick person in the bed on the other side of the curtain.
I have a brother who lived in a hospital for several years and the answer is as little as possible. I still did it a few times a week out of guilt but I hated it. One time his 17 year old roommate died in the room while I was visiting him.
Looking back I'm not sure I would choose to visit him as much. He wasn't (and still isn't) very conscious anyway. Every time I left the hospital I just felt worse about everything. Then again maybe I would still visit just for my mom's sake. I know she would have been hurt to know I wasn't visiting. There's always some relative that guilt trips the others, right? My mom loves visiting people in hospitals, she likes to feel needed I guess.
My other brother won't go into a hospital at all and I don't blame him. I wouldn't expect him to visit me if I were in the hospital, and it wouldn't bother me if he didn't visit either. I am understanding because I hate hospitals, too.
I agree...you really need to pace yourself especially if it will be for the long haul. Also, consider what the patient is getting out of it versus your need/guilt/compulsion. If you're not helping them and you're making yourself feel worse then adjust your visits accordingly.
On tv/movies people are portrayed as being there 24/7 sitting by the bedside of a person in a coma - that's not real...and it is truly exhausting and not helpful to anyone.
Hospital stays are so much more abbreviated these days then they were in the past..... I know I don't want anyone visiting when all I am trying to do is rest, sleep and heal.......
I had a longtime colleague and very good friend who was in the hospital during the final stages of her cancer. I would drop by every other day and chitchat with her. I always took my cues from her on how long to stay and whether she felt like a visit. Most days, she was excited to see me and we would talk for quite a while (We always joked that our relationship was "More than friends, but not quite lovers"). In fact, there were a couple of days where she'd call me up and say, "I need a dose of Vitamin C (That was her nickname for me). But there were a couple of days when I could tell when she was exhausted. So I would only drop by for three minutes, say hello to her husband, mother, or sister and leave.
When my father was dying in a hospital over the course of two weeks, the visitors who were the irritants were the ones who came and stayed and stayed. They were the ones who couldn't pick up on the subtle cues that maybe we needed some downtime rather than entertain guests. Mind you, their visits were appreciated, but it requires a lot of energy to entertain an endless series of visitors who camp out in your hospital room for hours at a time. But the people who simply thought to drop by were always appreciated and valued.
The other thing? As Jamary1 noted, a hospital is often understaffed or needing to deal with competing needs. So it's very easy for a patient to fall between the cracks and get ignored. Having someone there to get water or pay careful attention to the patient's comfort is often more than just being nice. It might be essential to that patient's wellbeing. Obviously, if it is a long-term chronic condition, family members can't be expected to keep up an exhausting 24/7 vigil. But at the same time, the obligatory visit every few days borders on neglect.
As far as the "I don't like hospitals" thing is concerned, it's not about you all the time. Allow me to repeat that: It's not about you all the time. Yes, hospitals are messy, busy, smelly, and filled with angst. They are inconvenient, typically have a maze of a floorplan, and are filled with people going through the worst moments of their lives.
But you have a responsibility to the people who matter in your life. You don't just love them when they are healthy and happy. You love them when they are ailing or hurting or fearful. You are there to keep their spirits up, especially when they are lying bored in a hospital bed with nothing but daytime television and their thoughts to keep themselves entertained. Your presence, even if wordless, tells them that they are important. Any idiot can send a card or a flower arrangement. Actually showing up, even for only five minutes, demonstrates compassion and caring. Those are qualities that are in decidedly short supply nowadays.
Last edited by MinivanDriver; 06-09-2017 at 07:56 AM..
When my dad was dying, there was always at least one family member with him. I myself, was at the hospital every day until he passed. Some nights, I slept there.
When my son had a burst appendix, I stayed in the room with him, and slept there. I'd go home to shower and change clothes, but then I was back at the hospital.
When my mom was in the hospital, I was there every day. As most of her children (5 of us) were.
When my husband was in the hospital, I was there, and spent the night. NO hospital employee is going to care about my loved ones like me. I'll make sure they get that drink of water, get their hair brushed, face shaved...whatever contributes to their comfort and healing.
The patient doesn't need to entertain me. The patient can sleep all day, that's fine. But I'll be there.
Now that my younger sister is in a nursing home and most likely wont ever leave there I'm there every other day unless they call me and tell me she needs something and then I'm there in a flash . Another reason I'm in south Carolina instead of florida . But I have all the time in the world to go to the nursing home and assist her and keep an eye open for her and any thing happening . But I take my clues from whom I am visiting and I don't wear out my welcome .
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