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OP, this is your second thread about your partner's friends. You have another going about a guy who lives locally who comes over drinks your booze and resents that you're having a baby. Didn't even acknowledge your tragic loss properly when told.
So that's four people who are his friends you don't like.
He got so drunk he was sick for his sister's wedding, either drove drunk or got in a car with a drunk driver which was wrecked, now he tells people you told him not to tell you're pregnant, and won't respect your wishes.
So is it really his friends? Because his behavior isn't exactly stellar either.
I gotta admit it sounds kind of strange to me that you invite people to your house, offer them food, beer and some sports on the TV, then abruptly cut them out of your life for eating your food, drinking your beer and talking sports when they visit. Were the offered food and beer a test of some sort?
It's too bad you're not willing to go somewhere else on the rare occasions these friends stay over, but as you've mentioned a few times already, you do own the house, and your partner doesn't. I wonder if you maneuvered things this way so you could use that fact as leverage anytime a dispute over living conditions comes up. Hard for a place to really be a home when the person you're living with reminds you that they own the place and you don't whenever a tie breaker is needed. If he's really your "partner" it's his home as much as it is yours regardless of who is paying for it.
Did you miss the part where I said that they were gone only if they were unpleasant or treated me like a maid? That isn't my policy-- that is my partners. I used this as an illustration that he has absolutely no issue getting rid of people in his life who treat me disrespectfully EXCEPT for this crew from childhood. Others had been bashing him as being an overall jerk. He's not. He just has this issue with these three.
I didn't "maneuver" anything. We invest in real estate. We have a shared portfolio and separate portfolios. The decision on the house was made by both of us. I also have property I inherited that is in my name alone. This is not some evil plan to relieve him of his assets. It just made the most financial sense because at the time he was overextended as a commercial space in his name had not sold, and I had more ready cash.
The house being in my name has nothing to do with this situation.
I think it's fair to assume that some people might think that because he lives in your house that you feel power over him in a way.
If you don't want them in your house, so be it, but telling him he can't be friends with them is very controlling, and it seems to all be coming from your end at this point.
I think it's fair to assume that some people might think that because he lives in your house that you feel power over him in a way.
If you don't want them in your house, so be it, but telling him he can't be friends with them is very controlling, and it seems to all be coming from your end at this point.
Do you believe that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior?
So if you have known someone for over a decade and every time you see them, they involve your partner in stupid stuff that (at the least) gives him a massive hangover the next day or (at most) is life threatening, don't you think that you might start to say ..."hmmm. Not okay. I think these people might do the same thing again!"
And if you had no desire to bail your SO out of jail, do massive repairs to your home or generally endure insults after these people behaved in the way that they have a 100% track record of behaving, would you think it "controlling" to keep them out of your immediate area? Would you not say "If these people are hurting you, you need to have better boundaries. Say NO."
As I said, I am not interested in spending time with these people. Nor am I interested in having them around any kids, pets. etc of mine. In the past when our daughter was alive, they made a scene at the christening by bringing in a flask and being disruptive. It was my SO that time that said "no contact without close supervision" of the kiddo. We had a few dinners with them when she was little but they were so rude and obnoxious my SO (again) stopped that He saw the issue then.
After she passed, the partying began anew. As I say, he was grieving. He wanted to reconnect. But the trouble just never ended. Its almost like he has an addiction to this binge behavior with them-- that they trigger him to act out in a way that I never see otherwise.
So yes, its concerning. He is welcome to keep in touch as that seems pretty harmless. I just don't want them in my personal space, don't want to see them and don't like the person he becomes when he sees them.
So he is an otherwise great and responsible guy, but sometimes gets drunk with his old buddies and has a good time? The horror. I'd dump him and be looking for a guy easier to control.
I feel bad for this guy. Just trying to have a good time with his old buddies once and a while and is getting a hard time about it. That's what guys do when they get together with old friends. If it was every weekend you'd have a right to be mad. Since it's occasional I wouldn't worry about it.
So he is an otherwise great and responsible guy, but sometimes gets drunk with his old buddies and has a good time? The horror. I'd dump him and be looking for a guy easier to control.
I feel bad for this guy. Just trying to have a good time with his old buddies once and a while and is getting a hard time about it. That's what guys do when they get together with old friends. If it was every weekend you'd have a right to be mad. Since it's occasional I wouldn't worry about it.
Okay here is the "good time" history:
-ER for alcohol poisoning
-Phone call from jail for me to bail out one of the friends for drunk driving and pick him up (I did neither)
-Missed his sister's birthday dinner where she announced she was pregnant with her first child due to the party crew
- Has been in two car accidents due to drunk driving, one of which involved his mom's car the night before his sister's wedding
- Threw up at his sister's wedding (friend did as well)- he was the best man and could not keep it together during the ceremony or the photos due to a massive hangover
-Got in an altercation with a police officer and fled the scene due to public drunkeness
There are more things like losing wallet(s), missing important meetings, being generally verbally obnoxious etc. Sorry if I think this goes beyond the definition of a "good time." One of his friends is no longer allowed to drive in his state due to the number of drunk driving arrests. This is not a case of "boys will be boys." This is destructive behavior.
-ER for alcohol poisoning
-Phone call from jail for me to bail out one of the friends for drunk driving and pick him up (I did neither)
-Missed his sister's birthday dinner where she announced she was pregnant with her first child due to the party crew
- Has been in two car accidents due to drunk driving, one of which involved his mom's car the night before his sister's wedding
- Threw up at his sister's wedding (friend did as well)- he was the best man and could not keep it together during the ceremony or the photos due to a massive hangover
-Got in an altercation with a police officer and fled the scene due to public drunkeness
There are more things like losing wallet(s), missing important meetings, being generally verbally obnoxious etc. Sorry if I think this goes beyond the definition of a "good time." One of his friends is no longer allowed to drive in his state due to the number of drunk driving arrests. This is not a case of "boys will be boys." This is destructive behavior.
I apologize for my uneducated post after reading his "rap sheet". Sounds like he is an alcoholic and has deeper problems and is possibly using alcohol to try and numb the pain of losing your child.
I like to have a good time with my old friends when we meet up. Aside from some mild hangovers and some funny stories, nothing bad ever happens like that. DUI's, accidents, and ER visits? Luckily he's still alive and hasn't killed anyone yet. I wouldn't blame his alcohol problem on his friends though. It's on him and time for him to deal with.
So if you have known someone for over a decade and every time you see them, they involve your partner in stupid stuff
I didn't read the rest.
Why are you blaming his friends? Your partner is the one saying YES to all of this. You telling him he can't see them anymore is like you being his babysitter.
If I have known someone over 15 years (like my husband), and he goes out with his buddies one time a year (that makes a total of 15 times the entire time I've known him) and gets wasted because that's what old friends sometimes do, I'm not going to be the old hag that just keeps harassing him over it.
Either leave, or put up with it. Because that's who he is.
I apologize for my uneducated post after reading his "rap sheet". Sounds like he is an alcoholic and has deeper problems and is possibly using alcohol to try and numb the pain of losing your child.
I like to have a good time with my old friends when we meet up. Aside from some mild hangovers and some funny stories, nothing bad ever happens like that. DUI's, accidents, and ER visits? Luckily he's still alive and hasn't killed anyone yet. I wouldn't blame his alcohol problem on his friends though. It's on him and time for him to deal with.
Good luck.
It's just very weird. He never acts like this around anyone else. Honestly. He has lots of other friends, some of who are very heavy drinkers and he has never once put himself in a similar situation. It really truly is the dynamic of this group thats bringing something out in him. It's frankly very strange.
He was always the most successful one in the group but they put him down for that ("yeah, he's better than us! Got all these investments. Oooh. Big shot!" Talk) So I have seen him act like a clown around them to "level the playing field" so to speak. Maybe this has something to do with it. At any rate I don't want them around.
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