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While I won't be updating this thread after each interaction with my dad, I do want to say that while we had a pleasant enough dinner at home and then I helped clean the kitchen and washed the dishes, when I was done he went back to his usual criticism about my relocation plans. He thinks I'm cutting it too close and will have too much on my plate with a full time job + housing search + car search to search for housing evenings and weekends.
Him: But you'll be tired after work
Me: I'll do most of the housing hunt on weekends and if I have time, in the evening
Him: But you'll be a zombie..you're not used to working full time, it will take an adjustment
Me: So which day do you think I should leave?
Him: A day earlier. How long did you rent the apartment?
Me: a week
Him: So what are you going to do if you need to arrive a day early?
Me: rent a room on airbnb
Him: But then you'll have to check in to a place, pack up and check out...just 2 days before your new job starts
Me: I know, don't worry about it, I know where to look (for an airbnb room)
Him: But you'll just spend all day on it (critical)
Me: No I won't, I'll book it fast
Him: Today you spent all day on your computer
Me: So what? Finding housing takes time
Him: Spending all day in front of your computer isn't a very efficient usage of your time
Me: *rolls eyes* Well dad, do you want to find me housing?
Him: I can't do it
Me: Actually you can, but you just don't want to.
^^ There you go, an example of conversations when we're having a conflict. It drives me nuts when I have to defend my position / my decisions. Just let me relocate and do it on my own terms! And what's with him looking over my shoulder (the work desk is in a common space in the house) judging how I'm spending my time? That's another reason I need to leave this place and get a room with a locking door and desk in the room...so roommates and in this case parents aren't so nosy about what I'm up to. I have to say it's annoying to have to escape to the library just do I can do whatever I feel I need to do without feeling like I'm being watched and judged, especially since , except when dad is ranting about my behavior, it's generally more quiet in his home than in a public library.
OP, I'm reading your examples ^^ ... what I see is an (overly) concerned parent and your response is very teenager-like. Which really doesn't help your case. You are an adult, you actually don't have to "defend" your position, obviously the goal is to be upwardly mobile and that does take time. That is the only show of answer you can have. So TIP: stop taking it so personal and do what you have to do.
Based on this thread and your other one, you appear to be the type of person that overcomplicate things. This doesn't induce confidence from others. You also seem to have a certain way of handling things that a lot of people really don't get/understand. This will definitely get comments from your loved ones and you seem to get easily riled up and offended that they don't get it. You complain that your parents are overly critical, while being equally critical of them. Having such a rigid reproach doesn't help your situation and of course, it doesn't help that your parents just don't understand and are trying to help the only way they can. Your parents have done you an immense favor and they're still trying to help. Have some flexibility and do what you can to ease that up. If you can't handle your dad in RE: the car... don't take up on his help. Return the car you're using and figure this situation out on your own (and quickly too).
If you're not going to accept your dad's help buying a car, just go ahead and move today. Spend the next 4 days looking for housing and a car in your new city.
Not sure why you are doing airbnb, a Motel 6 or other economy motel doesn't require days of research or pre-approval.
Do you have enough saved up to survive until you get your first paycheck?
Just curious, is your dad willing to come to your new town to help you purchase the car? The logistics of him driving up, bringing back the leased car, etc, sounds like more trouble than letting him purchase the car in his current town, getting the temporary tags and then registering it in your new city. Don't make this huge gift hard on him, he is being extremely generous to you.
If you're not going to accept your dad's help buying a car, just go ahead and move today. Spend the next 4 days looking for housing and a car in your new city.
Not sure why you are doing airbnb, a Motel 6 or other economy motel doesn't require days of research or pre-approval.
Do you have enough saved up to survive until you get your first paycheck?
Just curious, is your dad willing to come to your new town to help you purchase the car? The logistics of him driving up, bringing back the leased car, etc, sounds like more trouble than letting him purchase the car in his current town, getting the temporary tags and then registering it in your new city. Don't make this huge gift hard on him, he is being extremely generous to you.
The OP has indicated that she does not want to sign a lease during the probationary period. However, in that case, there are extended stay places that are often happy to rent by the month or do longer term deals. They may not be in the premium areas, but are usually not a bad price when you take into account it includes all utilities and internet. People might use them if they are waiting for a home to be ready, are only in town 3-4 days each week, or for a variety of reasons. It is much easier than the OP’s approach since she could try a place for a week and then if it seems okay, do a month next.
Hi everyone, I decided to bump this thread because I have a maximum of 2 weeks left with my parents, one of which will be alone with my dad, before I relocate for a new job in another city.
...rather than being emotionally supportive and positive about me flying the coop to a new job in 2 weeks, are instead taking all their frustrations out on me. Any suggestions on how to get through the next couple of weeks on good terms with these people?
This was in Feb. Now it is a quarter of the way through March -- what happened to your plan to be out in 2 weeks?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sedonaverde
Don't worry about the car, I have it another 3 weeks before I need to have bought another one. Besides I'm moving out of state and insurance, license plates will have to be issued in the destination state, I can't insure it from my origin.
If you were to be out by now, why do you still get to wait 3 weeks to get a car?
My point is that your timelines seem to always shift, and maybe your parents see something in you that causes this to happen. If you had a job that you were supposed to be starting now, why aren't you there?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sedonaverde
Him: But you'll be tired after work
Me: I'll do most of the housing hunt on weekends and if I have time, in the evening
Him: But you'll be a zombie..you're not used to working full time, it will take an adjustment
Me: So which day do you think I should leave?
Him: A day earlier. How long did you rent the apartment?
Me: a week
Him: So what are you going to do if you need to arrive a day early?
Me: rent a room on airbnb
Him: But then you'll have to check in to a place, pack up and check out...just 2 days before your new job starts
Me: I know, don't worry about it, I know where to look (for an airbnb room)
Him: But you'll just spend all day on it (critical)
Me: No I won't, I'll book it fast
Him: Today you spent all day on your computer
Me: So what? Finding housing takes time
Him: Spending all day in front of your computer isn't a very efficient usage of your time
Me: *rolls eyes* Well dad, do you want to find me housing?
Him: I can't do it
Me: Actually you can, but you just don't want to.
Why would you even say your dad can "find you housing but just doesn't want to." That makes no sense. A person can't choose a place to live for someone else. There's something in that remark that makes me think your parents don't see you as responsible.
And I don't think he was being critical in that conversation. Maybe there are better examples of him being critical but that one isn't it. By the way, I've said similar things to my husband about making decisions --- like "you'll just keep researching and analyzing and it won't get done." He acknowledges that this is his pattern. He didn't take it as criticism.
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