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I agree with Wmsn4Life. It sounds like he's under a lot of pressure from the woman he wants to keep sleeping with.
Here's the deal. If you all decided to rent a boat just for a very fun get together, each paying $30 share of the boat rental and bringing food and drinks is absolutely acceptable. That's what friends do on a lake.
This is a hosted birthday party. That gets really tricky when he's asking his friends to foot the bill for his girlfriend's party. It's one thing to say BYOB (that's become the norm) or if you could please bring an appetizer that would be great, but to share equally in the entire expense is unacceptable.
THEN, to make everyone wear white is bizarre. It's very likely that the women invited can do this - wear all white including shoes - but how weird is that for all the guests to have to do that.
Your friend is in danger of losing sex with his squeeze if he is unable to force his friends into compliance. Maybe he deserves a little slack. ;D
That's my thought. I think it's rude to say your are having a party, and make your guests pay for everything? Either they pay for 1 or 2 things, or nothing at all. And if you can't afford it then don't have it.
You weren't invited to a party, you were instructed what party to throw and how to pay for it.
I honestly find theme parties inconvenient.... I don't want to go find 80s clothes or whatever. I go dressed as is, if I have something I can use to fit the occasion I will, but I'm not going to go buy something I will never use again. No one has ever said don't show up if you are not in costume.
I would try to salvage with your friend, it does sound like he has a high maintenance GF.
It would have been better if they just asked for $50 from everyone and used the extra to go get food and booze.
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Oh for sure. I am not even mad. I am willing to talk it out, I just don't understand why he is so angry.
I would imagine he's just deflecting onto you the anxiety he feels about having to tell his girlfriend that there will be one less worshipper at the party.
Seriously, though, it's that pressure. He knows that she REALLY wants to pull this off, even though they are obviously in over their heads. So when guests start dropping out, the event becomes less fabulous.
Let him be mad. He will get over it. But don't let him attack you personally. Keep a cool head and take the high road.
You weren't invited to a party, you were instructed what party to throw and how to pay for it.
I honestly find theme parties inconvenient.... I don't want to go find 80s clothes or whatever. I go dressed as is, if I have something I can use to fit the occasion I will, but I'm not going to go buy something I will never use again. No one has ever said don't show up if you are not in costume.
I would try to salvage with your friend, it does sound like he has a high maintenance GF.
It would have been better if they just asked for $50 from everyone and used the extra to go get food and booze.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
I would imagine he's just deflecting onto you the anxiety he feels about having to tell his girlfriend that there will be one less worshipper at the party.
Seriously, though, it's that pressure. He knows that she REALLY wants to pull this off, even though they are obviously in over their heads. So when guests start dropping out, the event becomes less fabulous.
Let him be mad. He will get over it. But don't let him attack you personally. Keep a cool head and take the high road.
The OP will (hopefully) realize that his friend is a cheap git (or is it prat?), and also hopefully before the wedding that he and all the other friends will be expected to pay for so Miss Girl can feel like a princess on Her Special Day.
As far as "getting over it," I wouldn't care if he got over it or not. This is what's known as "douchebaggery."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
I would imagine he's just deflecting onto you the anxiety he feels about having to tell his girlfriend that there will be one less worshipper at the party.
Seriously, though, it's that pressure. He knows that she REALLY wants to pull this off, even though they are obviously in over their heads. So when guests start dropping out, the event becomes less fabulous.
Let him be mad. He will get over it. But don't let him attack you personally. Keep a cool head and take the high road.
I'll see that statement, and raise the ante.
I think he's already suffering her anger at not being able to force his friends to shut up and toe the line on this silly party, and create a world for her where everyone worships her. Because that's where she wants to live, and she thought he could create that world around her. And now look - his friends are giving her the usual feedback she's sick and tired of getting, and she's taking it out on him.
It's amazing, really, the lengths some men will go through to keep the boat stable so it doesn't rock and leave them without someone to have sex with.
I personally would take a break from that friendship. Obviously he is in denial about this girl and her "wants". I get paying for the boat, but your friend should have at least had snacks provided and not demand everyone wear white. Seriously, who owns an all white outfit including shoes? It's beyond ridiculous! And at 31, it wouldn't bother me one bit to say I wasn't going!
I've seen these all white type parties among the rich and famous in magazines. Even then, I've wondered if they don't have any friends that don't have the money to pay for a new outfit just for their party.
It is extremely tacky to invite you to a birthday party, then ask you to help pay for the venue and food and drinks. Really, really bad manners. You are probably not the only person who said no at the last minute with the added request for a specific outfit. He was probably freaking out because he'd reserved a boat and had no way to pay for it and a dwindling guest list.
If he approaches you, I think you should be honest. Turn it around and ask how he'd feel if you invited him to a party, then expected him to pay hundreds of dollars for the venue, food, drinks, and clothes.
There are a lot of people who are not completely self-absorbed, who know how to behave in a friendship, and who understand how to be a gracious host. It would probably be a good idea to make some friends like that. This guy sounds like it's all about him and his diva girlfriend. He seems more like an acquaintance, not like a friend who could be counted on.
If I were in your position, I would not continue the friendship with this person, and I would certainly not be concerned about his displeasure. His behavior says a lot about him, none of it good.
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