Brother struggling financially, but his girlfriend refuses to help (conversation, couples, abuse)
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I think your brother needs to see an attorney quick and take care of this situation pronto . Time to rid yourself of this girl like a bandaid rip it off and make sure your brother can see his son when he wants too . At least the kid will have one decent parent .
We're living in the 21st century. Both people are responsible for wearing protection.
If a man doesn't want a baby, he always needs to use protection. It's an individual responsibility. She already had a kid, sounds to me like she didn't care if she had another - maybe even wanted another. She sounds like a major user. IF he didn't want a kid, he can't control what she does, but he can control what he does with his own body.
If she is getting public assistance for those babies, Child Support Enforcement should be able obtain a support order after they legally establish paternity. The woman sounds like a manipulator, with no future, or way of supporting herself that doesn't include reproducing. Let your brother do what he must to get control of the child and force her pay child support to get her off the tax payer's back. In today's world, it is sad that any female should resort that sort of behavior. You can't fight your brother's battles for him or he won't learn to be more careful next time.
Bolded is the easy part. How do you suggest child support collect from someone that does not want to pay?
I at one point was owed $30k in child support arrears. An account showing money owed to me, does nothing to help pay for daycare, food and diapers. I went to the child support office weekly and they said they could not do anything more. So often times, public assistance is the best route because it is guaranteed money.
My granddaughter's mother is just like this woman. She doesn't want to work so she hooks up with a guy, gets pregnant, moves in with him or him AND his family, gets everybody else to take care of the baby, finds another man, rinse and repeat. She's on baby daddy # 3 now but finally got her tubes tied.
Your brother needs to cut ties with this woman. If he can't afford a lawyer have him go to legal aide before she does otherwise they won't help him as it would be a conflict of interest. Tell him to make sure he doesn't get anybody else pregnant. There are plenty of women out there who still use an "unplanned" pregnancy to secure a life for themselves.
^^^^ so true on the women out there using a baby to get a lifestyle. Look at the pro ball 'players'.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pupmom
Are you trying to tell me you never went without? My kids, as well as many other people on this forum have had to do without.
Agree -it helps with developing empathy and character.
You would not believe what hubs or I had to do without as kids. I'm talking things that were needed, not just wanted. Talk to people who grew up in the 50's and 60's, many did without things needed. I wouldn't change things as I see a friends jerk husband who never did without. He has no empathy for anyone.
Last edited by foundapeanut; 07-06-2017 at 09:09 AM..
I am a girl, but either way, I've seen way too many people get into situations like this (dead-beat dad, leeching mom) and don't want to risk it.
Wait till you are 40 plus to get married. Then you can see what kind of men these guys turn into.
And I'm sure he did notice some signs, but I guess when she said she was on birth control he turned into an idiot.
Doubting if she was on BC. In her mind she had success the first time, why not try it with another sucker.
Oh what things can happen when a guy thinks with the wrong head.
Just ignore the troll comment. I have learned through the years on forums, most of these folks have very limited life experiences. Fun for them is stirring the pot. I would say most of us believe you, we've heard this story 1000 times. Or we too know folks in this situation.
Last edited by foundapeanut; 07-06-2017 at 09:06 AM..
Always that one person in a thread that tries to say it's fake or made by a troll. What would you like to know about my brother? Where he works? How much he makes? Where he lives?
.
I was defending your brother against the poster who said that he could not magically rise above the poverty level by pointing out we do not know enough about him to make that assessment.
I hate to say this but it may be time for your brother to take full legal and physical custody of his child and let the girlfriend fend for herself. I know that no one likes to see a family break up but at this point are they really even a family?
Another good case on why to not get pregnant until your married. Then only if you can afford a child. Obviously your brother didn't know this lady as much as he thought. He needs to move out and request full custody because she doesn't want to work( even though she is working now)and child support will only do so much. She has taken advantage of your family's good nature now the time has come to fight her in the courts.
Being married to this woman wouldn't make this situation any more "right" nor pleasant.
Now, as for needing a car, what do you expect? should she take a bus or pay for cabs, with a small child in tow? If he or she cant share the car, that is not your problem, that is their financial issue. I have loaded up the car, with a baby,to drive my wife to work , at 530 am, not a problem for me. It is called being a family.
I wanted to comment on your first remark about a couple "needing" two cars because they have a child so Mon does not need to take their baby on a bus. My son is in his early 30s and he and his wife share one car (and have done so for years). Is it a hassle? Heck, yes, at times it is a huge hassle. Does my son enjoy riding his bicycle six miles one way to work (especially in the rain)? Not really. On the days that one spouse needs to take the car out-of-town does the other spouse enjoy packing up the baby and the preschooler and taking them on the bus to where they need to go? Heck, no. But, they decided as a couple that they would rather spend their salaries on other things (including saving for a down payment for a house) than spend money on a second car. That is what adults do. Prioritize their spending and keep a budget. Do most couples whine and beg Mom and Aunt for money to buy a second car and other things? Not any couples that I know.
Of course that does not mean that Grandparents would let their grandchildren go hungry or live in a cardboard box under the overpass but paying for essentials should be the responsibility of the parents and not the relatives.
There are other ways to help your brother including helping him get legal advice, babysitting and things like that. But, giving into emotional blackmail by his GF who begged for a car and pricey gifts for their baby. Heck, no.
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