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It isn't you or your mom's place to "sit down" adults anyway...
So it's a lose/lose situation for us either way? If she asks for money for the baby we just say no and won't be able to see him. My brother won't say anything in fear of her leaving with the kid.
Thanks
If you think trying to explain the situation to her is pointless, what do you suggest we do? Nothing?
So it's a lose/lose situation for us either way? If she asks for money for the baby we just say no and won't be able to see him. My brother won't say anything in fear of her leaving with the kid.
Thanks
If you think trying to explain the situation to her is pointless, what do you suggest we do? Nothing?
I thought that you said that your brother lives with his GF and his baby. How can the Mom block you from seeing the baby if your brother lives there? Can't he let you & his parents into the apartment? Can't he take his baby to see his relatives? If the answer is No, then he has even bigger problems.
IMHO, there is no reason why the grandparents and the aunt need to be supporting this baby. Perhaps, helping your brother with a few expenses, yes, but supporting the baby when the biological mother refuses to do it, No, Nope, No Way.
BTW, did you brother have a paternity test? Or did the GF just tell him that he was the father?
She is on government assistance and gets her nails done?!? Im sure she also goes to the salon for $100+ highlights as well. So many people I know on assistance do the same, and it makes my head explode. I work my you know what off, 60 hour weeks, and I had to give those luxuries up when our healthcare costs went through the roof with the ACA. Off topic I know, but this is complete b.s.
Unfortunately, OP, like others have said, your brother is just going to have to end the relationship. From what you've described, the GF is bad news and this will only get worse.
If you and your family want to help, put your money into a lawyer. I'm thinking the courts would side with him and your family since she doesn't even have custody of her first child.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 25 days ago)
35,743 posts, read 18,082,654 times
Reputation: 50791
Is your brother in school now, or have any hope of being able to support his child in the near future?
I don't know why everyone is blaming this woman, it's the man's fault as well. If he does leave, and "pays only what he owes in child support and not any more", this child is going to be stuck in a never ending cycle of poverty and new abusive boyfriends who will not treat him well.
Is there any way your brother can get custody of this child and raise him, and somehow pull himself out of poverty?
Getting a lesser cell phone plan might be a good start.
Sorry,OP, but the problem is your brother's to deal with. He needs to get with a lawyer. For all I know they may be legally married through common law already and don't know it. If they've ever held themselves out as married, or she claims they did, in the state I once lived in that established a common law marriage.
Sadly, Brother's poor judgement has given her most of the power here.
I thought that you said that your brother lives with his GF and his baby. How can the Mom block you from seeing the baby if your brother lives there? Can't he let you & his parents into the apartment? Can't he take his baby to see his relatives? If the answer is No, then he has even bigger problems.
IMHO, there is no reason why the grandparents and the aunt need to be supporting this baby. Perhaps, helping your brother with a few expenses, yes, but supporting the baby when the biological mother refuses to do it, No, Nope, No Way.
BTW, did you brother have a paternity test? Or did the GF just tell him that he was the father?
Yes, my brother is renting my cousin's house and his GF stays there with him. But if people are telling us to stop helping them, and to just sit back and be quiet while my brother struggles and eventually breaks. If he says something to her she'll threaten to leave and if she does leave that's it. Where will he get the money for an attorney?
I don't know anything about a paternity test, and don't think it's needed since my nephew is a clone of my brother. My brother has never brought it up to anyone so I'm sure he has no fears when it comes to that.
She's only 23 (I'm 22, so we're very close in age), so I'm wondering if it's a maturity issue?
So it's a lose/lose situation for us either way? If she asks for money for the baby we just say no and won't be able to see him. My brother won't say anything in fear of her leaving with the kid.
Thanks
If you think trying to explain the situation to her is pointless, what do you suggest we do? Nothing?
It is pointless. She's neither reasonable nor considerate-- she doesn't care that it affects you as long as she gets what she wants. She might as well hold the baby back as a punitive measure for standing up to her. There's only few essentials that a baby needs. However, there's a fine line and you've already crossed over to enabling your brother who's only enabling her. Slowly pull back and start getting comfortable with saying No (don't bother following up with explanations as to why).
I think at most, your mother could offer brother a visit to a lawyer to better understand what his options are. But, honestly, I think you all might have to be prepared for the fact that your brother isn't interested in changing his situation.
Sorry,OP, but the problem is your brother's to deal with. He needs to get with a lawyer. For all I know they may be legally married through common law already and don't know it. If they've ever held themselves out as married, or she claims they did, in the state I once lived in that established a common law marriage.
Sadly, Brother's poor judgement has given her most of the power here.
Our state doesn't recognize common law marriage. Either way, it seems like we're screwed.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,487 posts, read 3,352,032 times
Reputation: 9914
The more you all come to her rescue, the more she relies on that to happen. Unfortunately, that is just the way it is. It really does come down to your brother. Only he can change the dynamics of the situation.
The rest of the family has to draw a line and stick by it. Do not purchase things that she should be doing on her own. It is hard. I know this personally. It is something that has to be done if you want the madness to stop.
You cannot change others, you can only change your reaction to their actions.
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