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A long time friend of mine is in a terrible dilemma. Eleven years ago her and her husband moved into their daughters basement after they purchased their first home. The husband of my friend spent six months renovating this basement into a very small apt for him and his wife. This was free of charge and my friends began paying rent. This was not a discounted rent as the daughter said she needed a certain amount to make her mortgage payments. Throughout the years, many red flags, problems with heat and hot water which were never fixed among others. My friend also took care of her grandson after birth for over three years free of charge (and continued to pay rent). The husband (my friends) also did all repairs and helped his daughter whenever possible. Long story short, the husband passed away and now her daughter is selling the home. The house she bought is 75 miles away in a rural area without room for my friend. She is in a terrible situation because she has very little income and cannot afford rent on her own. I offered to let her stay with me but this can only be a temporary thing. I think what her daughter did is disgusting, when they moved there she was told if she ever sold the house she would be included wherever they went. The daughters income is in six figures and my friend cannot afford rent here in NYC. It seems my friend doesn't want to get mad at her daughter but I am furious. What do you think?
Personally, and from a landlord/tenant perspective, unless your friend and husband had some sort of agreement in writing, her daughter has the right to do whatever she wants with the house. Did your friend have a lease or were they listed as part owners of the house? Her life has changed significantly (due to her husband's death) so selling the house that is probably full of memories isn't really unexpected. Maybe she can't keep up with the taxes and mortgage without her deceased husband's income. Maybe she can't afford to maintain it even with help. Do you even really know anything about her finances or why she decided she needs to sell it?
I understand that you feel your friend is due some consideration because of all the time, assistance, and work they did to the basement. I understand you feel her daughter should honor an agreement she made with them years ago. I know you will probably think my response is cold. Your friend and husband could have saved their own money toward a place of their own, but they didn't. They rented an apartment. It really isn't different than renting an apartment in a building and being evicted because the landlord decided to sell it.
When the house does sell maybe they can still rent the basement from the new owners. I think your friend doesn't get angry because she understands all this too. Not a great situation for anyone.
Last edited by Parnassia; 07-31-2017 at 12:01 AM..
I do feel it's different than a ll/tenant relationship. During their years there the parents helped financially, the father did all maintenance including remodeling things in their (the daughters) home and outside the home as well. As I stated, the parents also provided childcare and financial help. I just think it's wrong to now treat this as a ll/tenant relationship. I'm talking from a moral perspective. The parents were saving for a small retirement place but were in no hurry because of promises made by the daughter, they felt they had security. Obviously no one expected the father to get sick and pass.
A long time friend of mine is in a terrible dilemma. Eleven years ago her and her husband moved into their daughters basement after they purchased their first home. The husband of my friend spent six months renovating this basement into a very small apt for him and his wife. This was free of charge and my friends began paying rent. This was not a discounted rent as the daughter said she needed a certain amount to make her mortgage payments. Throughout the years, many red flags, problems with heat and hot water which were never fixed among others. My friend also took care of her grandson after birth for over three years free of charge (and continued to pay rent). The husband (my friends) also did all repairs and helped his daughter whenever possible. Long story short, the husband passed away and now her daughter is selling the home. The house she bought is 75 miles away in a rural area without room for my friend. She is in a terrible situation because she has very little income and cannot afford rent on her own. I offered to let her stay with me but this can only be a temporary thing. I think what her daughter did is disgusting, when they moved there she was told if she ever sold the house she would be included wherever they went. The daughters income is in six figures and my friend cannot afford rent here in NYC. It seems my friend doesn't want to get mad at her daughter but I am furious. What do you think?
On the surface, it appears that the daughter took advantage of her parents for a free basement renovation and free childcare. However, there are always layers below the surface. When it was decided to put the house up for sale and that the daughter was house hunting 75 miles away, what discussions between the two were had regarding the future living arrangements of your friend?
My opinion from just what information you provided in the OP - The daughter should consider gifting her mother a portion of the proceeds from the sale of the house to allow her to get setup somewhere. Your friend may have to consider a roommate situation or moving out of NYC to a lower COL area.
A long time friend of mine is in a terrible dilemma. Eleven years ago her and her husband moved into their daughters basement after they purchased their first home. The husband of my friend spent six months renovating this basement into a very small apt for him and his wife. This was free of charge and my friends began paying rent. This was not a discounted rent as the daughter said she needed a certain amount to make her mortgage payments. Throughout the years, many red flags, problems with heat and hot water which were never fixed among others. My friend also took care of her grandson after birth for over three years free of charge (and continued to pay rent). The husband (my friends) also did all repairs and helped his daughter whenever possible. Long story short, the husband passed away and now her daughter is selling the home. The house she bought is 75 miles away in a rural area without room for my friend. She is in a terrible situation because she has very little income and cannot afford rent on her own. I offered to let her stay with me but this can only be a temporary thing. I think what her daughter did is disgusting, when they moved there she was told if she ever sold the house she would be included wherever they went. The daughters income is in six figures and my friend cannot afford rent here in NYC. It seems my friend doesn't want to get mad at her daughter but I am furious. What do you think?
This is a long time, very long time friend. It makes my blood boil to think about it. Yes, the daughter took advantage of the parents definitely. There was also ten years of rent over what she could have gotten because this was also an illegal basement but the daughter said she 'needed' such and such amount and the mother just gave it.
The discussion about the move was that the daughter was going to find a place with space for the mother but it just didn't work out. The house sold faster than expected so they rushed to buy. It's just a very sad situation all around because the mother trusted her daughter to do the right thing and she didn't. My friend is very hurt but I am outraged but keep my
Mouth shut. I just wanted to get some opinions here.
Also, the daughter has said she would 'help' her mom
By giving her 10,000 from
The proceeds as someone stated. The problem is that's yet to be seen and she's not really very trustworthy. Then in talks with the other siblings she is changing her story claiming she may not be able to. This is a situation where the daughter purchased the home by herself (not with the husband) then down the line she received mortgage relief in a very large amount per month (2,000) and continued to charge her mom (while she was providing childcare) and it ended up the parents were now paying 1/2 mtge if that tells u the kind of person she is.
This is a long time, very long time friend. It makes my blood boil to think about it. Yes, the daughter took advantage of the parents definitely. There was also ten years of rent over what she could have gotten because this was also an illegal basement but the daughter said she 'needed' such and such amount and the mother just gave it.
The discussion about the move was that the daughter was going to find a place with space for the mother but it just didn't work out. The house sold faster than expected so they rushed to buy. It's just a very sad situation all around because the mother trusted her daughter to do the right thing and she didn't. My friend is very hurt but I am outraged but keep my
Mouth shut. I just wanted to get some opinions here.
So the daughter is just kicking out mom without any assistance (financial or otherwise) in finding a new place to live?
Vent away, OP. But in the real world, this is none of your business. It is sad, and that's why the parents should've been listed on the deed. That way, she would've gotten some money.
Bless your heart for offering her some temporary living space!
The mom has low income and a small savings. It's definitely not enough to pay rent and the daughter knew that when her parents came to live with her which imo makes it even more despicable. The daughter actually had no intention of giving mom anything until the siblings stepped in but somehow I don't believe it's going to happen.
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