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Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 27 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,362,200 times
Reputation: 5382
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I feel so upset over it. Not so much angry but upset & hurt. My SIL talks to my mom like they are close friends and tells her things that are bothering her. When I do it telling my mom things that are bothering me, she tells me that I'm childish and to grow up. For example, My SIL, brother and me recently found an orphaned kitten about 4 weeks old outside while walking around. I think let the Animal control take care of it and might be better off with a surrogate mom. So when I told my mom my feelings about the situation, she got all mad at me and to take turns taking care of the kitten. And saying things like quit acting like children and to grow up. She wasn't too happy when I told her "do you talk like this to my SIL?" I think not.
I know nothing about raising an orphaned kitten other than what I recently checked videos on youtube and google
You obviously have an issue w/your SIL as you keep posting about things that really aren't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Maybe some introspection and/or therapy would help?
I feel so upset over it. Not so much angry but upset & hurt. My SIL talks to my mom like they are close friends and tells her things that are bothering her. When I do it telling my mom things that are bothering me, she tells me that I'm childish and to grow up. For example, My SIL, brother and me recently found an orphaned kitten about 4 weeks old outside while walking around. I think let the Animal control take care of it and might be better off with a surrogate mom. So when I told my mom my feelings about the situation, she got all mad at me and to take turns taking care of the kitten. And saying things like quit acting like children and to grow up. She wasn't too happy when I told her "do you talk like this to my SIL?" I think not.
I know nothing about raising an orphaned kitten other than what I recently checked videos on youtube and google
Your mother has been like this towards you for as long as you've known her. You've made multiple threads about this. You knew exactly what to expect from her, but the bigger question is why haven't you changed your expectations, actions/reactions?
With that said, if you do not want to deal with a kitty, then by all means, back out and have nothing to do with it. Your brother and his wife made the decision to deal with the kitty. Your mother's opinion means absolutely nothing here-- but she is free to "take turns" if she likes.
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 27 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,362,200 times
Reputation: 5382
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy
How old are you?
30's
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flamingo13
You obviously have an issue w/your SIL as you keep posting about things that really aren't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Maybe some introspection and/or therapy would help?
Maybe I'm jealous bc shes shares her life & inside jokes with my mom and my sister at the time excludes me unless shes wants something from me like babysitting
You obviously have an issue w/your SIL as you keep posting about things that really aren't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Maybe some introspection and/or therapy would help?
Maybe the difference is in HOW you and SIL communicate your problems and concerns to mom. It's possible that you come off more childish than she does. We can't know for sure.
You obviously have an issue w/your SIL as you keep posting about things that really aren't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Maybe some introspection and/or therapy would help?
And the posting patterns are probably an indication of why mom feels the way she does.
I would echo the response that perhaps it is in the 'how' of communicating rather than what you are communicating. When I read your threads I think I am reading something from a teenager rather than adult, so you may have a 'young' communication style that is unfortunately rubbing your mother the wrong way and not getting the results you hope for. You cannot control your mother or her responses and cannot change her. So I'd advise you to either just let it go and move on, or work on what you can change - yourself. You might try taking a communication course or talking to a counselor or therapist about how to handle your jealousy and hurt feelings over your SIL having a better relationship and more love/respect from your mother than you feel like you get.
Your mother has been like this towards you for as long as you've known her. You've made multiple threads about this. You knew exactly what to expect from her, but the bigger question is why haven't you changed your expectations, actions/reactions?
With that said, if you do not want to deal with a kitty, then by all means, back out and have nothing to do with it. Your brother and his wife made the decision to deal with the kitty. Your mother's opinion means absolutely nothing here-- but she is free to "take turns" if she likes.
Most parents treat their children like children when they are children. However, in most cases the relationship matures when the child grows into an adult and the conversations are more adult-oriented conversations. From everything I've read from the OP, it doesn't sound like she's progressed to that phase yet of having "adult" conversations. She seems to be very much stuck in that HS mode of tit for tat. My guess is that if the OP starts acting like an adult, her mom will start treating her that way.
What's worse is that the SIL didn't grow up in this family, knows nothing about it, and is somehow being stuck in the middle by no fault of her own.
I know I had a super brief but similar incident back in the day when my sister and I were in our 20s. We had a short period where we lived together in a tiny apartment with inadequate cooling and got stuck having juvenile squabbles all the time. People found us to be insufferable/juvenile because we'd just talk about each other incessantly. It was as if we'd descended into middle school; however, it was really just a matter of two grown adults being crammed into one <500sqft living space after not having to live that closely with people for some time. Our mother was so sick of both of us. Afterward, we joked that we were lucky to make it out alive. If the OP is acting like that... ALL THE TIME... then I can see what the problem was. No one wanted to be around us. No one. No one wanted to talk to us either. We were just the worst. It was just like we were consumed with hating each other. It was not normal.
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