Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Its a tradition that we see him on his birthday and we have for the past several years. This is usually at a restaurant. That is why we offered. Its not convenient, but we were trying to be nice.
That's not at all what your two first posts sounded like. You made it seem that he was an occasional friend and you never mentioned taking him out before for his birthday, much less every year for the last several years. You may have gotten different responses if you had put the whole story out there rather than adding details as opposing views came up.
If the OP left out information, then I wonder how I can comprehend exactly what she's saying...hmmm... she has been very clear, IMO. I'm constantly surprised that some people jump to random views - many times, I think having a different perspective is interesting and helpful. However, why are we busting on the OP? She didn't change her story. She made an original post with his initial response. Then she made a second post with a follow up comment that he made requesting a party with his friends. New info came to light and she shared it for clarity. There was no changing -
To the OP: if you are friends and you made a nice offer to share his birthday, and he countered with a weird but more to the point, an unreasonable suggestion for his birthday, then I see no reason to just tell him it's not a good time. I think you've probably already done this. I'm sorry he's pouting - I'm confident you all can come up with a solution that keeps you all in good standing as friends but meanwhile, you don't owe anyone an explanation for the reasons you conduct your house business the way you do. How strange that so many people think it's ok to tell you how easy it is to have guests over for dinner. Perspective is our friends, folks!
I missed the part where she said he's pouting. But that would be very immature behavior for a 40-something guy. I think it's weird that he wants to use your house for his parties...did I understand that right? The OP said he seemed to think it would be a great party pad for him, not just for this b-day?
Whatever happened to the days when friends actually offered to help a friend who was very pregnant, struggling to meet job responsibilities, and keep all the other balls in the air, as well, instead of making demands?
Well it's always easy to tell others what to do, as in throw a small dinner party, when you're not the one who actually has to do it.
He was offered dinner at a nice restaurant, if that isn't going to work for him, too bad.
I totally agree!
From January to May, my job (in my department) is all about long hours, no vacation days allowed, barely sick time unless we're dying. Deadlines matter and they wait for no one. I know my family understands this but sometimes they're irritated that I'm just too tired to think when I get home. I know the hours the OP is speaking of - the difference between us (in this case, I think) is that I'm not preggers. Holy cow, I can only imagine how exhausted she is. I would be touched if someone thought of me on my birthday and offered me a dinner out with their company - they thought enough about my well being and that by itself is a gift. And many times, I'm not very good at planning dinner parties even though I like them, so the effort I would make would be monumental - as compared to my sister, for example, who this comes so easily to...you know? We all have different skills...sheesh...
That's not at all what your two first posts sounded like. You made it seem that he was an occasional friend and you never mentioned taking him out before for his birthday, much less every year for the last several years. You may have gotten different responses if you had put the whole story out there rather than adding details as opposing views came up.
Why would that make a difference? His response was still rude.
We replied by saying we were happy to take him out as offered or could have him over another time, but his birthday falls in the middle of a busy work period and we just don't have the capacity to entertain at home during this time.
Translation: Our house is a mess and we don't have food.
I think there are 2 ways to look at this. You are nice friends to acknowledge his birthday and take him out. That's really nice.
On the other hand, it's not a gift I'd really like (I hate eating out unless it's a REALLY good restaurant), so I empathize with his preference for your unfettered company.
You're inviting him out for a meal, and to you it may seem like the meal is the present. But to him your company might be more of the present.
Translation: Our house is a mess and we don't have food.
I think there are 2 ways to look at this. You are nice friends to acknowledge his birthday and take him out. That's really nice.
On the other hand, it's not a gift I'd really like (I hate eating out unless it's a REALLY good restaurant), so I empathize with his preference for your unfettered company.
You're inviting him out for a meal, and to you it may seem like the meal is the present. But to him your company might be more of the present.
This is a nice way to look at it. I think that both the meal and company can happen at a restaurant as well as at home.
I have not known this person to be aversive to restaurants as we have had birthday dinners at several in past years. We offered a place we know he likes. All he would have had to do is say "Thanks but I am not in the mood to go out this year. Maybe we can schedule something later."
Why would that make a difference? His response was still rude.
Or maybe not. Seems that things have been embellished since the original post. The first post did not indicate that the "friend" was rude at all. It only became that way as the story evolved.
I missed the part where she said he's pouting. But that would be very immature behavior for a 40-something guy. I think it's weird that he wants to use your house for his parties...did I understand that right? The OP said he seemed to think it would be a great party pad for him, not just for this b-day?
Whatever happened to the days when friends actually offered to help a friend who was very pregnant, struggling to meet job responsibilities, and keep all the other balls in the air, as well, instead of making demands?
Well I think we know why he is single. Sounds like he is 40 something going on 12.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShellNic
I totally agree!
From January to May, my job (in my department) is all about long hours, no vacation days allowed, barely sick time unless we're dying. Deadlines matter and they wait for no one. I know my family understands this but sometimes they're irritated that I'm just too tired to think when I get home. I know the hours the OP is speaking of - the difference between us (in this case, I think) is that I'm not preggers. Holy cow, I can only imagine how exhausted she is. I would be touched if someone thought of me on my birthday and offered me a dinner out with their company - they thought enough about my well being and that by itself is a gift. And many times, I'm not very good at planning dinner parties even though I like them, so the effort I would make would be monumental - as compared to my sister, for example, who this comes so easily to...you know? We all have different skills...sheesh...
Exactly, I bet there are plenty of middle aged people both male and female who are single, and don't have friends like this who are thoughtful enough to offer to take them out. They spend their birthdays alone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Why would that make a difference? His response was still rude.
Yes, it was.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
Translation: Our house is a mess and we don't have food.
I think there are 2 ways to look at this. You are nice friends to acknowledge his birthday and take him out. That's really nice.
On the other hand, it's not a gift I'd really like (I hate eating out unless it's a REALLY good restaurant), so I empathize with his preference for your unfettered company.
You're inviting him out for a meal, and to you it may seem like the meal is the present. But to him your company might be more of the present.
I guess you never heard the expression "don't look a gift horse in the mouth"?
This isn't a 13 year old girl who didn't get the gift she wanted. This is a SINGLE middle aged man who otherwise might being spending it alone sitting on a bar stool telling the bartender how nobody remembered his birthday.
The OP doesn't own him an explanation about long work hours or the state of their house.
It's pretty simple....... dinner with us at nice restaurant.
He should be thankful anyone even thinks of him, given what is written he lacks basic social skills.
Or maybe not. Seems that things have been embellished since the original post. The first post did not indicate that the "friend" was rude at all. It only became that way as the story evolved.
Go back and reread what was written. The OP indicated to the friend that having dinner at their house wouldn't work for them, it became rude when the friend didn't just accept the restaurant offer or say "no thanks" and mention planning something else at a later date.
Personally I wouldn't even suggest to someone who offered to take you to a restaurant to invite yourself over to their house, but that aside, it became rude in the first post when the friend acted that way.
Or maybe not. Seems that things have been embellished since the original post. The first post did not indicate that the "friend" was rude at all. It only became that way as the story evolved.
It's there in the original post. It's clear the rudeness is the purpose of the thread. The OP even asked, "Is this rude..." in her original post.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
