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Old 11-18-2017, 06:28 PM
 
3,862 posts, read 3,177,902 times
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What was their fight about anyway? Did the cousin cross the line?

There is a point with how your mom feels. If you are going, do not forget to stick up for your mom. That other cousin may have sore feelings as well, so don't let her even try that crap with you.
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Old 11-18-2017, 07:50 PM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,668,911 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kapikap View Post
What was their fight about anyway? Did the cousin cross the line?

There is a point with how your mom feels. If you are going, do not forget to stick up for your mom. That other cousin may have sore feelings as well, so don't let her even try that crap with you.
I really don’t expect anyone to mention the argument to me at all. As I said, I wasn’t there and I don’t have anything to do with it. Basically my cousin got upset with my mom because she felt like my mom was being mean to her daughter (she’s maybe 3 or 4 years old) and showing favoritism to another child in the family. My mom then got upset with my cousin because she said some very nasty things to my mom in response. This particular cousin has anger management issues and even gets into physical fights with people, so I do think she was probably over the top with her reaction, but I also think it was an issue of my mom provoking the wrong person. They both could’ve handled the situation better.
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Old 11-18-2017, 07:55 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,926 posts, read 60,205,513 times
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Does your mom have narcissistic tendencies?

After the hang-up, now you know not to bring it up anymore.
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Old 11-18-2017, 08:41 PM
 
Location: Raleigh
8,165 posts, read 8,566,342 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
I avoid family gatherings whenever I can, and my mother used to complain about how she would be the only one who showed up for them because my father and I wouldn’t go.<>
Send an email to Dr. Phil. I'm sure he can help.
https://www.drphil.com/be-on-the-sho...rp_help_widget
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Old 11-19-2017, 05:11 AM
 
10,746 posts, read 26,122,178 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
Nope, it’s definitely not that. My cousin has hosted a few holiday gatherings at her house and I missed all of those. This time she’s throwing a birthday party for herself, so I thought I’d try to make it. It’s not like I’m DYING to go, but I just don’t want her to feel like I’m going to reject her invitation on everything and I’d rather go to this than the holiday gatherings.
But didn't you state that you avoid family gatherings whenever you can? If that's the case, then I too think you just trying to stir the pot.

I didn't read the whole thread, but I'm sure someone else called you out on this. While I agree that your mom is being unreasonable and you can talk to whomever you like, I just think you're doing it to **** her off. Are you?
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Old 11-19-2017, 05:40 AM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,668,911 times
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Originally Posted by Kim in FL View Post
But didn't you state that you avoid family gatherings whenever you can? If that's the case, then I too think you just trying to stir the pot.

I didn't read the whole thread, but I'm sure someone else called you out on this. While I agree that your mom is being unreasonable and you can talk to whomever you like, I just think you're doing it to **** her off. Are you?
No, I don’t do things just to upset my mom on purpose. She gets mad about everything anyway so it’s not like I’d have to make an extra special effort. As I said, I don’t even really want to go to my cousin’s party that badly, but I feel bad because she’s nice and I don’t go to lots of things that I get invited to, so I thought I’d try to make an exception for this. I don’t see why that should be a problem considering that my mom’s argument had nothing to do with me, and prior to her getting mad at everyone, she wanted me to attend family events. Just because I said I usually avoid them doesn’t mean that I never go to any of them, and I figured if I go to this one that it’ll be easier for me to avoid the holiday gatherings that I don’t enjoy.
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Old 11-19-2017, 06:27 AM
 
6,324 posts, read 4,240,643 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
No, I don’t do things just to upset my mom on purpose. She gets mad about everything anyway so it’s not like I’d have to make an extra special effort. As I said, I don’t even really want to go to my cousin’s party that badly, but I feel bad because she’s nice and I don’t go to lots of things that I get invited to, so I thought I’d try to make an exception for this. I don’t see why that should be a problem considering that my mom’s argument had nothing to do with me, and prior to her getting mad at everyone, she wanted me to attend family events. Just because I said I usually avoid them doesn’t mean that I never go to any of them, and I figured if I go to this one that it’ll be easier for me to avoid the holiday gatherings that I don’t enjoy.

What your mother is demanding is wrong however you said it yourself that you avoid going to family gatherings and don't really care if you go so it seems like you are stirring the pot.
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Old 11-19-2017, 07:19 AM
 
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It is their issue, not yours. Go to the party and enjoy being with family.
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Old 11-19-2017, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Early America
3,125 posts, read 2,095,239 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
You’re right. She hung up on me earlier today when we were talking on the phone and I mentioned the party, so I didn’t appreciate that. I don’t ever hang up on her even when I don’t like what she’s saying.
You participated in the dysfunction by bringing it up. You already knew her feelings about it. If you want to go to the party, just go. You don't need her approval but you don't have to rub her face in it either. Or do you?
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Old 11-19-2017, 08:19 AM
 
6,324 posts, read 4,240,643 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplySagacious View Post
You participated in the dysfunction by bringing it up. You already knew her feelings about it. If you want to go to the party, just go. You don't need her approval but you don't have to rub her face in it either. Or do you?

Yep, that's what it seems like.
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