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They're both our biological daughters, and she's against monthly payment plans because we'd get locked into a finance contract and would have to stay with the carrier until the finance is paid off, as well as the fact that she's worried about Dani cracking the screen or damaging the phone in any way; if we take the monthly installment route, we won't officially own the phone until we pay it off meaning if she damages it in any way we'll have to actually pay full price for a new one IN ADDITION to the monthly installments. I trust our daughter and the carrier commitment doesn't bother me so I don't have an issue with the pay-by-the-month idea, but my wife isn't for it.
Apple will be happy to sell you an Apple care contract:
Your wife sounds cruel. Even if you get the phone, I think your wife will be so nasty about it that it will minimize the joy your daughter gets.
How about you talk to your daughter about putting $10-20 towards the monthly payments or maybe if family members buy her gifts, you can tell them that they can throw in towards the phone.
Wow, going from expecting a phone that you promised to getting nothing is terrible. What is wrong with your wife? Is this her daughter? Sounds like an evil stepmother.
No she doesn't.
One of them has to be responsible.
The OP should have consulted his wife prior to making a thousand dollar promise.
One of them has to be responsible.
The OP should have consulted his wife prior to making a thousand dollar promise.
He already said that she's not nice to the daughter. I think this is less about the phone and more about the mother/daughter dynamics.
If he promised the phone when she turned 16, I'm sure the daughter has mentioned it many times previously."I'm getting an iPhone when I'm 16". I'm willing to bet that the mother has known about this promise before. She's just trying to be controlling bc she doesn't like the daughter right now. For pete's sake, she is trying to not get the daughter anything. She's not a kind or understanding mother. I predict that once the daughter moves out, she will not have much to do with this woman.
My wife and our eldest daughter have a lot of issues. They fight constantly and my wife is particularly mean to her all the time which is why it's so hard for me to be firm with Dani. I want her to know that I'm here for her and that she has a parent who she can always turn to for a hug or just to talk about anything she needs.
By the way, asking family members to chip in isn't a bad idea. I actually hadn't thought of that, thank you.
Family members chipping in sounds like a great idea. You might also ask that they contribute what they would have spent on your presents to the phone fund. PLEASE make sure that your younger daughter gets a lovely gift, too, something she dreams of, as she sounds like a very sweet child (and also, in light of all this conflict, the child most likely to be overlooked.)
As far as the situation between you, your wife, Dani, and the poor younger daughter who felt like she needed to give up her own Christmas to resolve this mess, it sounds like there are much deeper issues here than just a phone. I restate my suggestion of counseling, except I would revise it to include the whole family, starting with you and your wife.
Who’s the parent? She needs to learn The “First National Bank of Daddy” is a limited institution. She could have had her phone years ago if you had gotten her either a used or older model. All can be gotten on Amazon or phone stores.
Nearly three years ago I got an IPhone 5s from Cricket for $250.00. My first one. It’s fine. I’m thinking of upgrading to a 7 because I can afford that now. You don’t have to have the latest and the greatest. If I someone were to give me an X I’d be happy too but that’s not going to happen. Your kid needs to learn to be happy with what she can have too.
Wecome to City Data. Ask how you can do something and get 500 life lesson posts about why you shouldnt.
OP, check with your carrier. If she is due for an upgrade then they should offer a payment plan for the new upgrade. If she isnt due for an upgrade I would just tell her she can have one but she just needs to wait until she is upgrade eligible. Absent of that you can check eBay or areas where folks are selling them privately. Just make sure you get the ESN ahead of time and then check with your carrier to make sure the ESN is clean.
You know your kids better than anyone. If YOU think she deserves one then get her one and dont let anyone on a message board tell you differently. You asked what color the sky is. You dont need everyone telling you to not look at the sky.
He already said that she's not nice to the daughter. I think this is less about the phone and more about the mother/daughter dynamics.
If he promised the phone when she turned 16, I'm sure the daughter has mentioned it many times previously."I'm getting an iPhone when I'm 16". I'm willing to bet that the mother has known about this promise before. She's just trying to be controlling bc she doesn't like the daughter right now. For pete's sake, she is trying to not get the daughter anything. She's not a kind or understanding mother. I predict that once the daughter moves out, she will not have much to do with this woman.
You are making assumptions here. Did u read the posts regarding the daughter's attitude? The OP said that was why the mother didn't want to get the daughter anything. You make it sound like she doesn't want her to have anything for no reason.
And you aren't addressing the fact that the OP did this without consulting his wife. That may be why she is upset and I get that.
The OP cannot afford it. Bottom line. He needs to grow a pair, stand up to his kid, and treat his wife with some respect instead of making her the bad guy.
Stop! Just stop. You promised her an iphone, so get her the best iphone you can afford. Nothing here says you promised her the newest, the best or the one with the most bells and whistles. Regardless of your stubborn stance, 24 payments with no interest would make it much easier and not represent a burdensome contract. Insurance is available to guard against loss at very affordable rates.
............I'm not justifying the brat's behavior at all. But to say that being popular in high school doesn't translate into adult life is not true.
Now I am veering wildly off topic, but material possessions are not what makes a child popular in school.
OP's daughter has been teased a bit (and I would bet it is just a tiny bit) because she doesn't have the latest phone but she has not been kicked out of her circle of friends because she doesn't have the right phone. She is still accepted into the same group.
My child grew up in the third highest income zip code in the entire USA and we lived in a tiny house and drove old cars. My son didn't have the right clothes, or the right shoes, or the $50 haircut, or his own set of golf clubs, and yet he still had a large group of great kids as his friends. Kids do not pick their friends by their parent's income. They pick out friends they have things in common with, but that doesn't have to mean income. They also pick people who are fun to be with and/or people who are confident.
Still, I come down on the side of the argument that parents should not make big promises they can't keep.
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