Attend funeral for ex-spouse? (sister, adults, funerals, appropriate)

[BigDGeek]

Originally Posted by FairMindedLL

When the time comes and your ex passes, ask your sons what they want you to do, then act accordingly. If they’re indifferent, tell them you’ll avoid the funeral because you don’t think it’s appropriate (especially if your ex has a living spouse that will be there), but tell them you will be there for them in any other way they may need during their grief.

^^^ This. Talk to your sons when the time comes and see what they're comfortable with. Remember, funerals are more for the living. You don't want your presence (or absence) to cause strife.

[North Beach Person]

Best funeral I ever went to was this guy's here. His 1/2 his age hot girlfriend was there just wailing and crying and declaiming how she couldn't go on. Meanwhile his wife, her kids and his kids from various other women were just watching stoically.

It didn't help that he's moved back into his wife's house for his last few weeks.

Good times.

[tamajane]

If he didn't want you at his parents' funerals, I would say don't go to his. You could send a flower arrangement or a donation to a charity in his name if you feel you want to respect him in some way.

[kitty61]

I agree that asking your sons what they want would give you the answer you seek. You did not mention if your sons' father was actively involved in their lives.

In my view, attending a funeral is an act of respect for the life of another human being regardless of their earthly deeds.

[parentologist]

Funerals are for the living, not for the dead. So you have to look at how your presence would affect the living. If your sons want you there, you go. If your ex's relatives don't want you there, you don't go, even if your sons do want you there. You don't want to give grieving people more grief.

[PriscillaVanilla]

Don't beat yourself up if you can't make it to the funeral and don't allow others to judge you for it. It is entirely your decision. Do whatever your heart tells you.

[Flamingo13]

Originally Posted by kayanne

I'm not in this situation now, but it's something I likely face at some point in the future. I've been divorced for 10 years, not at all on friendly terms with my ex, our three sons are all grown. If my ex dies before me, I don't know if I should attend or stay away from his funeral. I would want to be there to support my sons, but considering my ex did not want me to attend the memorial services for either of his parents when they passed, I think he would not want me there. Most likely I will try to be supportive of my sons in other ways. But I can just imagine some of his family saying, "Can you believe it? Kayanne didn't even bother to be here for her sons."

Anyway, I just was wondering what others have done (or plan to do).

If/when the time comes - ASK YOUR SONS! Nobody on a forum can answer the question.

[AlaskaErik]

My ex and I are both remarried. Depending on who goes first, I have no intention of going to her funeral and I'm sure she has no intention of coming to mine.

[Sassybluesy]

For me, personally, I wouldn't want to attend the ex's funeral. IF it was important to my grown boys to be there, I'd really try to talk them out of it. However, I'd be Ok with opening my home to their cousins, to come hang out, spend the night, something like that.


Now...if MY current husband should die before me, I kind of wouldn't be surprised if the exs showed up...and I'm thinking I probably wouldn't care too much. As long as they don't go all dramatic and make a huge scene. I'm my husband's 4th wife, and I could imagine 2 of them being there. My stepson's mom might be there, and another one, who's still kind of friends with a lot of my husband's side of the family. If they're all cool, I'm cool. lol

[UpstateJohn]

I do not know what I would have done had my mother had not been there for me to dry on when my Dad died. They had been divorced and remarried for over 20 years when he passed.