Tired of inconsiderate friend (person, drifting, house, acquaintance)
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So I have never been in a situation like this. Usually, friendships just die because people move or whatever. Plus it has never happened with somebody I have been very close with.
I am wondering if I should keep making an effort or if I should just call it quits. And if I do decide to call it quits, how I should go about it.
Here is the background. I used to be pretty close friends with my buddy. In many ways, he was like me – very dependable, always on-time, always willing to help. I am the type of person who would rather have 3 friends than 20 acquaintances and I am 100% dedicated to those people. If any of them ever need a favor, I am doing it, regardless of how inconvenient it is. And my friends have mostly been very dependable, too. We are both in the 30-35 years old range.
So my buddy used to be like that, too. However, he started dating this girl 2 years ago and they are now engaged. When she came into the picture, we were all super excited, we welcomed her in etc. However, she never reciprocated the effort and slowly the changes started to emerge. My buddy started to be less and less willing to do stuff. Understandable, you are dating a new person. However, they were not hanging 1x1. They just kept doing all this stuff with her friends and never invite us to anything. Fine, whatever.
But then he started always being late for stuff. Then he started only being able to hang out when it is convenient to him, never willing to go out of his way. Then he basically started hanging out once every couple of months. He has largely become extremely inconsiderate. The other day, he invited me and our other buddy to go see his new house. As we are getting into the car, he texts us and he is like “oh hey, she wants to go to the beach, so we are doing that instead”.
Then the previous month, we were supposed to meet and take the dogs to the beach, but he ignored me all day and at 8 pm he texted me and was like “hey, we just ended up staying home all day”.
I am honestly tired of it. I have told him numerous times that he is acting like a **** and he is like “yeah, you are right, I need to get better at it” but it only gets worse. I don’t need acquaintances. I am just about ready to basically have him out of my life.
But, then I am also wondering how to go about it. he still texts a lot in our common chat room. I don’t want to be dramatic like a high school break-up, but I just kind of want to let him know that the friendship is done.
Finally, I am also pretty religious and I have been taught to forgive. I feel like I have done it multiple times with him and I have just reached my limit, but I want to do the right thing here.
I always say that if a friendship is causing you any type of stress/emotional issues then it is time to distance yourself. It is very draining to be the only one making an effort to keep it going. I don't think you even need to make it feel like you are withdrawing. I would stop initiating any plans and sit back and see if he makes an effort.
And being religious and forgiving doesn't mean you let people continue to use, neglect, and ignore you.
Do what you want to do without him. Either he'll realize he's missing out and step up his game or you all will just drift away. It could be he's trying to extricate himself from this friendship anyway.
If you make a big production of it, you'll never get your friend back. If you're OK with that, and you want your closure, than tell him how you feel, and tell him you're writing him off.
But personally, I feel like that's being immature and dramatic.
His priorities have changed, and it sounds like he's drifting away. Do what someone else suggested. When events come up, send him an invite, and be happy if he shows up, but don't plan on it.
Let it go. If he calls or keeps in touch great but otherwise let it go.
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