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There are online support groups for grief as well as offline. There might be local grief groups you can go to, or call a local crisis hotline ( which are not just for suicide) and they might have referrals for you.
So sorry for your loss, losing a parent is not something one just gets over. A big part of dealing with grief for many is by being able to talk about it,so hopefully you find the right people.
“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”
I really love that quote! I think I may write it down and hang it up on my wall or something for whenever I'm feeling really upset, but I feel like my aunt will see it and get angry at me ughh
I cried when I read your post, Lisa, and I cried again when I read Catzpaw's reply to you. I was 28 when I lost my dad, and like Catzpaw, it was a good 5 years before I could talk about him without crying. Grief is very hard work. I think your relatives don't want to (or don't know how to) share that grief with you, so they dismiss your feelings. This is a big deal - your lost not just your dad but your entire lifestyle and home.
You are a good writer, Lisa. Maybe you should do something to honour the memory of your dad. Write about him. You have strong emotions flowing, and to write can be cathartic. Imagine you're writing to your children, about the grandfather they never had. Another thing you can do is start genealogical research - find out more about your dad and his past. And maybe your mom's family too even though you are estranged.
And if you can get your sleeping and eating on a good schedule, a lot of other stuff will just fall into place. I hope you start to feel a little better, day by day
Is the reason your aunt and uncle refuse to get therapy for you is that they don't want to pay for it?
Who inherited your father's estate?
my aunt inherited a substantial amount of it, and apparently i'm going to inherit the rest when i turn 18, but from what i've understood it really isn't a large amount or anything.
it's not so much that they don't want to pay (even though i'm sure it's a contributing factor), it's more that they really don't believe in therapy and think it's useless and only for people with serious mental issues (they're really rude when they talk about it i'm trying to be as euphemistic as possible so as to not offend anyone on here)
my aunt inherited a substantial amount of it, and apparently i'm going to inherit the rest when i turn 18, but from what i've understood it really isn't a large amount or anything.
it's not so much that they don't want to pay (even though i'm sure it's a contributing factor), it's more that they really don't believe in therapy and think it's useless and only for people with serious mental issues (they're really rude when they talk about it i'm trying to be as euphemistic as possible so as to not offend anyone on here)
OK.
So, other than the blood relationship with you, are you just there in the house as a guest? Or was your aunt appointed guardian by a court?
So, other than the blood relationship with you, are you just there in the house as a guest? Or was your aunt appointed guardian by a court?
she was appointed by a court, unfortunately. things haven't been made that clear to me because nobody's really given me the full story and whenever i ask everyone ignores me, but i'm pretty sure it was stated in my dad's will
College will get you out of there and an education will give you the freedom to make choices.
Choose an educational path and career that you can immediately make money with like accounting, nursing, engineering, teaching etc so YOU can make choices.
Hang in there honey, one day it will not hurt so bad.
There are online support groups for grief as well as offline. There might be local grief groups you can go to, or call a local crisis hotline ( which are not just for suicide) and they might have referrals for you.
So sorry for your loss, losing a parent is not something one just gets over. A big part of dealing with grief for many is by being able to talk about it,so hopefully you find the right people.
“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”
Quote:
Originally Posted by searchingforsunshine
I really love that quote! I think I may write it down and hang it up on my wall or something for whenever I'm feeling really upset, but I feel like my aunt will see it and get angry at me ughh
Since quotes can evidently cheer you up, the following poem might interest you. I love it. I've already presented it a couple of times elsewhere on this forum, but ...here it is again:
DEATH IS NOTHING AT ALL By Henry Scott-Holland
Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.
Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
I'm sorry for your loss! If it's any consolation, it truly does get better. I also lost my dad about a year and a half ago due to an unexpected heart attack. As a result, I left my job as an accountant and took time for myself. Working 12 hour days and weeks without a day off was the last thing I needed. Ultimately, I decided to rid myself of the things that weren't making me happy.
If you feel like you have no control over your life, try taking up a hobby that will empower you and make you feel in control like learning an instrument or songwriting. I've found both to be therapeutic and a great way to express myself.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can relate. My dad passed away 6 years ago and it messed me up pretty bad. But I had to be the one to take care of my mom because both of my siblings were living out of state and she really needed my help. I miss my dad every single day. So much has happened since he's been gone that I wished I could talk to him about to get his advice or just share with him.
One thing that will stay in my mind forever is something that a close friend told me, being that his dad passed away about 3 years before mine. He said that, although the pain of losing him may never leave you, every day that passes, it gets just a little more tolerable. So, while in the early days, it's still really raw and difficult, the more time that passes, the more you'll be able to cope with getting back to your daily routine. Now, I still have moments where I'll hear a song or see something on TV that will trigger me to start crying again. But I just let it happen because I recognize that it's how I'm coping with it. And if anyone hassles me about it, I tell them to eff off because it's my business and nobody else's.
I'm truly sorry that you're going through this. Just know that your feelings of loss are justified and it's ok to be sad. But also know that your dad, like my dad, would want you to keep moving forward and getting thru it. So that's what we'll keep doing. That honors their memory and fulfills their wishes for us.
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