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Have you ever "broken up" with a friend (someone you have known for years)?
I have this friend that I truly don't like. We have been friends for almost 20 yrs but we took breaks on occasion for a couple of years.
My main issue with her is that she is very needy and everything is about her and what she wants. I think she is a user and liar. I am only "friends" with her because I feel sorry for her. We used to trust each other and were quite close but that hasn't happened in a long time.
Would you:
1) ghost the person
2) send an email breaking up
3) talk on the phone and break up.
I don't want her in my life anymore. I wish her well and know she will be fine and find other friends. I just think that we need this closure so that we don't keep this dead friendship on life support any longer.
I made the mistake of just ignoring at first. I should have called or written and been straightforward. It's much clearer and then you can be done with it.
You could send a letter. That way you can put the words into the order you'd like. Sometimes emotions get in the way during a phone call and things are said that you regret.
Have you ever "broken up" with a friend (someone you have known for years)?
I have this friend that I truly don't like. We have been friends for almost 20 yrs but we took breaks on occasion for a couple of years.
My main issue with her is that she is very needy and everything is about her and what she wants. I think she is a user and liar. I am only "friends" with her because I feel sorry for her. We used to trust each other and were quite close but that hasn't happened in a long time.
Would you:
1) ghost the person
2) send an email breaking up
3) talk on the phone and break up.
I don't want her in my life anymore. I wish her well and know she will be fine and find other friends. I just think that we need this closure so that we don't keep this dead friendship on life support any longer.
Thoughts?
Since you said you take breaks and aren't that close and that everything is about her, I would employ the slow fade.
Never initiate, and be less available when she contacts you.
Ignore some calls, take longer than usual to reply to texts. If she asks, just say you've been busy. When she can't get what she needs from you, she most likely will move on.
Or you could take all your pain and discomfort in one dose and tell her (via email or phone but I wouldn't put this kind of thing in writing LOL) that you don't find this friendship beneficial etc.
You can tell her you need a friend break or be honest and just tell her over the phone you don’t feel your friendship is working, or you let it fade out. Don’t initiate contact and don’t be available if she initiates contact.
You can tell her you need a friend break or be honest and just tell her over the phone you don’t feel your friendship is working, or you let it fade out. Don’t initiate contact and don’t be available if she initiates contact.
Isn't this the same as what you refer to as *ghosting*, you know, the cruel, cowards way out?
You know...your friend can probably tell something is 'off' between the 2 of you.
I'm going through something similar, with someone I used to consider a best friend...and then things cooled off, on her part. This has been going on for years. I'm honestly confused, and I USED to be hurt. Now I'm used to it.
Just last week, she did something completely sh*tty, and I was angry and I told her so. Initially, I was really hurt, but the next day, I was actually in a good mood, because I felt like I FINALLY really knew where things stood, and I was fine with that.
And then 2 days later she apologized and hugged me.
So I'm back to being confused...BUT my heart will be guarded forever, and she can't really hurt me anymore.
IF she'd email me and tell me it was over, or write me a letter, or even tell me to my face, that this friendship isn't working for her, she'd be doing me a huge favor. LOL
You know...your friend can probably tell something is 'off' between the 2 of you.
I'm going through something similar, with someone I used to consider a best friend...and then things cooled off, on her part. This has been going on for years. I'm honestly confused, and I USED to be hurt. Now I'm used to it.
Just last week, she did something completely sh*tty, and I was angry and I told her so. Initially, I was really hurt, but the next day, I was actually in a good mood, because I felt like I FINALLY really knew where things stood, and I was fine with that.
And then 2 days later she apologized and hugged me.
So I'm back to being confused...BUT my heart will be guarded forever, and she can't really hurt me anymore.
IF she'd email me and tell me it was over, or write me a letter, or even tell me to my face, that this friendship isn't working for her, she'd be doing me a huge favor. LOL
You are on a roller coaster ride. That's awful. I've been there too.
I know I've been in your shoes and would have wanted to just know that the friendship isn't working anymore.
But now that the shoe is on the other foot, it's hard saying it. And what do I say that isn't mean? I honestly don't like her and can't find anything good about her but I think it's because I just want her out of my life. So I don't want to be too mean and really hurt her unnecessarily. So ghosting seems a good option and then just ignoring her.
I just wish she would find another "best friend" and then I would be off the hook....LOL!!
Isn't this the same as what you refer to as *ghosting*, you know, the cruel, cowards way out?
No I’m not saying cut her off , I’m saying one option is to let her know if she calls asking to schedule a lunch date or coffee that you aren’t available.
You are on a roller coaster ride. That's awful. I've been there too.
I know I've been in your shoes and would have wanted to just know that the friendship isn't working anymore.
But now that the shoe is on the other foot, it's hard saying it. And what do I say that isn't mean? I honestly don't like her and can't find anything good about her but I think it's because I just want her out of my life. So I don't want to be too mean and really hurt her unnecessarily. So ghosting seems a good option and then just ignoring her.
I just wish she would find another "best friend" and then I would be off the hook....LOL!!
Ghosting is very hurtful and leaves someone in limbo, much better to just tell them you don’t wish to remain friends. Ghosting just helps you avoid feeling guilty when you hurt someone, either way your friend will be hurt, so why not just be honest.
So OP, I'm assuming you're talking about the friend from your other thread and I think it's justified!! I have "broken up" with two really good friends in the past.
One friend, I honestly just stopped talking to all together. Yes, I did. No returned calls, texts, etc. Just never spoke to again. I also had a very valid reason though! DH and I were moving so she didn't know where I lived and I wanted it that way!(If this person knows where you live, that won't work). Before everyone goes ballistic, she started dating and ultimately married anex-felon who did 15 years for murder. I had no desire for this woman to be near me or my family ever again! Before the break up I told her I didn't approve and she didn't care. After 18 years as friends, that was that! I was not going to endanger my life or my families. I knew this man (as we both went to H.S. with him) and his story about why he went to prison. I wanted no part of that! Over and done!
The second friend I did tell I had no desire to be her friend anymore. We had been friends for 19 years and I had just had enough of her being self centered. It was all about her. She could careless what was going on in my family, my kids, etc. It was all about her. I was in the hospital having my 2nd daughter and I called her to tell her. She literally said to me "So, you're having the baby, who cares. You better still be coming to my jewelry party this Saturday!" I then said, "You are such a self centered B@*!#, we are no longer friends, do not ever contact me again!" And she didn't and that was that. That was just the final thing she had done, I can tell stories for hours in regards to her, but you get the drift.
At some point you have to ask yourself.......
Is this friendship toxic? Is it just one sided? Am I happy when I speak to this person or is it stressful? Etc. If you answer "yes", then it's time to let go. People get older and change, so don't feel bad about it! The older I get the more I realize that I'm not putting up with any crap, from anyone! I'd rather have a few really good friends (or none) than deal with craziness! If you really feel like you owe her an explanation to your break up, then tell her you feel that you have grown apart and you are going your separate ways. You feel like this friendship is not worth having anymore. Short and sweet.
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