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My parents used to own a business in my home country. While I lived there they supported me while I was in University (only living expenses, University was essentially free for me because I had a full scholarship). Things got really tough in my home country but I was able to immigrate to a financially stable country and went into debt to get my master's.
When I got my first job, my parents guilt me into sending them about $1,000 a month because their business shut down. I insisted that they find a regular job but they refused (they found various excuses like nothing available, but there's no doubt my parents don't want to work as employees but want to own a business again, so ego issues). They often tell me how they're planning to start a new business but they're literally have 0 savings which makes it virtually impossible, so the fact that they won't try to find regular jobs infuriates me. I ended up sending over $25,000 over 3 years.
Then I found a very prestigious job which pays me a lot of money but I told my parents that I can't send any more money because I need to start paying off my student loans. For a few months it worked out.
The issue here is that my underage sister (we were born 17 years apart) lives with them.
Now the vicious cycle has started again, as they've been asking me for money.
I want to pull the plug completely; Refuse to send any money at all. The issue is that I feel bad for my sister because it's none of her fault.
My parents used to own a business in my home country. While I lived there they supported me while I was in University (only living expenses, University was essentially free for me because I had a full scholarship). Things got really tough in my home country but I was able to immigrate to a financially stable country and went into debt to get my master's.
When I got my first job, my parents guilt me into sending them about $1,000 a month because their business shut down. I insisted that they find a regular job but they refused (they found various excuses like nothing available, but there's no doubt my parents don't want to work as employees but want to own a business again, so ego issues). They often tell me how they're planning to start a new business but they're literally have 0 savings which makes it virtually impossible, so the fact that they won't try to find regular jobs infuriates me. I ended up sending over $25,000 over 3 years.
Then I found a very prestigious job which pays me a lot of money but I told my parents that I can't send any more money because I need to start paying off my student loans. For a few months it worked out.
The issue here is that my underage sister (we were born 17 years apart) lives with them.
Now the vicious cycle has started again, as they've been asking me for money.
I want to pull the plug completely; Refuse to send any money at all. The issue is that I feel bad for my sister because it's none of her fault.
Can you send money to your sister? Or offer to assist her with tuition or something? So you benefit her without enabling them.
Can you send money to your sister? Or offer to assist her with tuition or something? So you benefit her without enabling them.
Thanks for your comment. I seriously doubt she can do anything with the money other than buy clothes and stuff like that. It doesn't help with groceries, bills etc.
Have conditions improved in your home country, to the point that your parents, in their 50s, could easily find work?
I do think you should send something. They didn't just assist you during your university studies, they supported you up until that point. If you now have a well paying job, give them some of the credit for getting you there. I don't think you need to fully support a family of three, but really, why not come up with an amount you can live with, and help them out?
You don't say what country they are in or what country you are in now so without that information it's not easy to estimate how far certain amounts of funds will go to support a family in their country. For example, what $50 would provide for me each month where I live might possibly provide enough for 6 months for a person in another country. Where you are now in a more financially stable country your parents might be under the mistaken impression that you are a wealthy person now and that may be your own fault for giving them the wrong impression.
It would be good if you could send some money to them once or twice a year as a surprise gift but at their ages you should not be supporting them and they shouldn't expect it from you, they should be supporting themselves and they should not be thinking they can always depend on you. If you are a loyal and conscientious child who cares about them then your time to be more financially supportive of your parents will come soon enough anyway when they are older and no longer able to work. A good child will not let his parents believe that he has gone away and completely abandoned them.
At their ages I think it might be difficult for them to save up enough to start a new business any time soon. But they are not so old that they cannot be working at other jobs for several more years to bring in an income to live on normally and start setting some money aside as savings for future plans for retirement or for if they insist on starting their own business again.
If I was in your situation I would tell them that I cannot afford to send regular, dependable support money to them as I have far too many debts of my own that must be paid off and they must get jobs and support themselves just as they would if they did not have me to fall back on.
But your little sister's future is important and it's of the utmost importance that she gets a good education. I would also tell the parents that I would try to set aside a little bit of money each month to go into a special high interest savings account that I would open up for a college/university fund for the little sister. Would you be willing to do something like that? You wouldn't have to tell them how much money is in the college fund and nobody but you could touch it and it would be a nice little nest egg for your sister to get started at college when she completes high school. If your parents know you will be trying to do something to help little sister in that regard it may ease their minds about her own education and fate, and they'd feel less resentful that they can't get money from you for themselves.
If your parents were here in the US, it would be different. But from what you've written, I suspect that they're in a third world country, and there are no jobs there for them that they could do, that would pay enough to support themselves and your little sister. And probably a dollar goes a lot further there than here.
It is very, very common for immigrants who have made good (and for some who are earning relatively little) to send money back home. How much would it cost to support them? If you're earning a lot here now, couldn't you send them a monthly sum for basic support, for both their sake and your little sister's sake? It sounds as if they need help. Realistically, what could they do to support themselves there? Become servants who earn little more than their food?
Also, you need to make sure that your sister has access to an excellent education, and try to help her on the road toward getting into college here. Can you file for immigration for her? The wait is very long, but the sooner the better.
It would be one thing if they had abused you, kicked you out. But it sounds to me as if they did their best for you, and it has worked out well for them. If they're not asking for more than basic sustenance, it sounds to me as if you owe it to them.
You said that things are though in your native country, so how do you think they are going to find a job? Them being in their 50's is very hard to find a job, especially in a third world country (ageism is rampant), so if you're fine now, why won't you help? I'm not saying support them completely, but a little for you might mean the world for them. You also said you have a great job making a lot of money. If you were making very little, that might be understandable but that's not the case. You could help them and pay your student debt at the same time.
Your attitude toward your parents baffles me. As I see it their business faltered because the conditions on you home country deteriorated, not because they decided to sit down and do nothing, counting on you to support them.
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