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I think the most positive trait a friend can have is a natural curiosity about their people. But rarely do I have any contact with people who ask me questions.
Here is an example:
I run into a friend at the store. To start the conversation I ask them some general questions about what they are planning to do this summer. they are quite excited to tell me about their life but don't ask me any questions about my summer plans. So I tell them about them anyway. But I get no follow up questions.
This happens all the time. Is it my fault to expect people I am friendly with to ask questions about me?
In my world this is pretty typical. Most people are interested in themselves, mainly. When you find a friend who is truly interested in you cultivate that friendship and treasure it.
But, mostly, people do talk about themselves, in my experience.
Do you have friends or relatives you are close with that NEVER ask you any questions?
Yes, all of them. They all prefer to talk about themselves, usually regarding their health or family news, or sometimes about their personal problems. If any of them contact me to ask me questions they are not asking about me or my personal life, they are asking for advice for themselves about subjects that I know a lot about or am considered an expert in.
As I was reading this thread, some famous words by Eleanor Roosevelt came to mind:
Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.
I’m bored by people who only seem to enjoy talking about their lives and some people in it. Sure, I have some interest but it fades quickly when that’s all they want to talk about. It’s bizarre especially when they go on and on, assuming I’d be fascinated to hear what other people in their life who I’ll probably never met are doing and saying. I lose all desire to talk at all in return.
I have a niece like this, but she's a teenager, so maybe it comes with the territory.
This struck a chord with me as my mid-20's daughter with three young children NEVER asks anything about my life. I know that young people are self-centered (and so, it seems, are very old people), but it just bothers me a little that she never thinks to ask how my husband and I are or what we've been doing -- and I don't want to say anything to her about that because when I was young, I had a lot of old relatives who were constant complainers in my life, and I certainly don't want to become one of them in my old age!
I'm sorry to hear that, Katharsis. I can remember my brothers and I, at all ages, talking to our grandparents, either in person or on the phone, and asking about what they had done recently at work or around the house, or about things that had happened in their youth, or about books they'd read.
Some people just aren't that good at small talk. I am one of them. Typically, it is not until after I walk away from a conversation with someone who asked all the questions, that I realize I didn't ask them anything about themselves and then I feel bad.
I am a better participant in a conversation when I have pre-made plans to meet up with friends. In which case, I have already contemplated what I am interested in knowing about them and what they've been up to. For instance, I may think to myself 'I'm meeting up with Jane today, I wonder how her vacation last week was'. However, if I randomly bump into Jane at the supermarket, I'm caught off guard and don't remember to ask about it.
You don't have to remember anything specific to simply ask, "What about you? What have you been up to?" It comes spontaneously to people genuinely interested in their friends. Then she might mention her vaca, and you might say, "OH, right, I meant to ask. you about it! How was it?"
My MIL. In thirty years, she hasn't shown genuine interest in anything about me. But weirdly, despite never having a sustained conversation about anything deeper than the weather at our obligatory holiday get-togethers, she thinks she knows me well. Trust me, she doesn't. She's not a quiet person, and she is capable of maintaining friendships with other people. She just doesn't like me. It used to bother me a lot, but I'm at peace with it. Frankly, I don't really enjoy her company either.
Last edited by randomparent; 05-05-2018 at 10:43 PM..
Do you have friends or relatives you are close with that NEVER ask you any questions?
Yes, all of them. They all prefer to talk about themselves, usually regarding their health or family news, or sometimes about their personal problems. If any of them contact me to ask me questions they are not asking about me or my personal life, they are asking for advice for themselves about subjects that I know a lot about or am considered an expert in..
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnirene
As I was reading this thread, some famous words by Eleanor Roosevelt came to mind:
Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.
I’m bored by people who only seem to enjoy talking about their lives and some people in it. Sure, I have some interest but it fades quickly when that’s all they want to talk about. It’s bizarre especially when they go on and on, assuming I’d be fascinated to hear what other people in their life who I’ll probably never met are doing and saying. I lose all desire to talk at all in return.
^^^agree and at my age not only do I find it rude and inconsiderate but exhausting too.
When these type of people do this I'm usually polite but I want to scream or write
(because it happens on forums also) - "go fascinate or impress someone else."
i think people want to sound interesting so they;ll talk about themselves and come up with stories.
kind of like a job interview where you have to sell yourself. they are trying to sell themselves to their friends and make themselves have value in the relationship.
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