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We are just so different. He is super extroverted while I am definitely more of an introvert. He always makes everything about him, and conversations are dominated by his life. He does what he wants and doesn’t really care about anyone else. We were planning a visit, he was actually going to come up to Seattle, for once (I’ve been down to California at least three times to visit in the last few years) but that fell through. He wanted to bring his dog and I told him no, I have two cats and one of them is deathly afraid of large dogs. He said “wherever I go my dog goes” and he’s right. I told him, you either leave the dog at home or you aren’t welcome at my house. So he didn’t come. I don’t go on trips with him anymore because it’s all about what he wants.
Wow.. I thought I wrote this. Exactly the same with my brother. We do best visiting each other once or maybe twice per year.
It is so disappointing. I feel like a sibling orphan.
We're 11 years apart, which isn't a big deal now, as I'm 35 and he's 24. We were fairly close when I was in my late 20's and he was in his mid teens or so. Then he got too cool to hang out with me. He even started stealing money from once he was in his late teens. He'd come over and knew that I kept money in my room in an envelope and he'd take $20, $40, $80 bucks here and there. Despite all of this, I don't hate or even dislike my brother. We do get along.
I'm completely amazed that you are able to forgive or are forgiving toward your brother stealing your money from your bedroom repeatedly! Once is bad enough and not sure that is particularly forgivable, but more than once? wow
That's okay, OP. You don't need to like your brother, you're not obligated to like your brother or any family members that you don't want to. I'll be married in September and have long thought about having a will made in case I die before we get married. I'm afraid that if I die and we aren't married yet, my mom will inherit my house and let my brother live in it. They both live in New York and are over a thousand miles away, but it's a scary thought. My brother would destroy the place. I'd leave the house to my best friend (who practically rebuilt the house with me) before I would my mom, just because of that fear of my brother ending up living in it.
We're 11 years apart, which isn't a big deal now, as I'm 35 and he's 24. We were fairly close when I was in my late 20's and he was in his mid teens or so. Then he got too cool to hang out with me. He even started stealing money from once he was in his late teens. He'd come over and knew that I kept money in my room in an envelope and he'd take $20, $40, $80 bucks here and there. We're pretty much polar opposites. He's a pothead (and probably hard drugs, too) and pretty irresponsible, while I don't even drink at all, ever. Not even occasionally. Hell, we don't even look alike, as we have different dads. Despite all of this, I don't hate or even dislike my brother. We do get along.
BTW, it is pretty likely that if you die without a will, while single, all of your estate will go to your closest relative---your mother, and she can do whatever she wants with it. Heck, maybe your half-brother could just inherit (depends on the state laws).
IMHO, I would have a will made even before you are married, if you want your fiancé (or friend) to inherit your house and estate if you die instead of your mother and/or brother.
We are just so different. He is super extroverted while I am definitely more of an introvert. He always makes everything about him, and conversations are dominated by his life. He does what he wants and doesn’t really care about anyone else. We were planning a visit, he was actually going to come up to Seattle, for once (I’ve been down to California at least three times to visit in the last few years) but that fell through. He wanted to bring his dog and I told him no, I have two cats and one of them is deathly afraid of large dogs. He said “wherever I go my dog goes” and he’s right. He has a fraudulent emotional support animal certificate which he uses to get a free flight for his dog wherever he goes. I told him, you either leave the dog at home or you aren’t welcome at my house. So he didn’t come. I don’t go on trips with him anymore because it’s all about what he wants.
I love him because he is my brother, and we will always have that bond, but I really just don’t care for him as a person. If he were not my brother I would not want anything to do with him. Our personalities do not jive in any way. We have zero in common. We aren’t interested in each other’s lives. I just don’t really know where to go from here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EmilyFoxSeaton
Wow.. I thought I wrote this. Exactly the same with my brother. We do best visiting each other once or maybe twice per year.
It is so disappointing. I feel like a sibling orphan.
EmilyFoxSeaton, I'm astonished that you and your brother visit each other once or twice a year under the circumstances of the emotional climate which you indicate!
Once or twice a year is a heck of a lot - for two people who have little interest in each other.
Not getting how any enjoyment is to be had during the obligatory visits.
EmilyFoxSeaton, I'm astonished that you and your brother visit each other once or twice a year under the circumstances of the emotional climate which you indicate!
If it wasn't for my niece... (xmas you know) probably wouldn't be any. I like to let her know I exist for when she gets old enough to seek sanctuary.
You need to hear it. You and your brothers relationship is what it is , because you are both part of your parents family. When siblings became adults, that is the time that you each start your own families and relationships. You do not "have to " do anything. you dont get along, so be it. I would imagine at least once a year ,everyone gets together, so just let that be the time.
If you guys cant talk, just send a card or an email, to say hi. It seems that you have an opinion of what you dont like about your brother, or what you think about how he lives his life. If he has a service animal, so what? I dont understand how you say he is family so I feel obligated to spend time with him, but you are critical about his way of being him. You do need to respect his choices, and if he cant make an effort, with a compromise, that is on him. Not like he cant stay in a pet friendly hotel.
Why not make the parents home the neutral place to see each other? Remember, you guys were kids and siblings in your parents family, and dealt with each other because you had no choice. Now you are just Adult siblings with the same parents, starting your own lives. Its time to move on, and create your own circle of people to visit.
You'll miss him once you've lost him. I lost my only brother 9 years ago and miss him dearly everyday.
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