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We are just so different. He is super extroverted while I am definitely more of an introvert. He always makes everything about him, and conversations are dominated by his life. He does what he wants and doesn’t really care about anyone else. We were planning a visit, he was actually going to come up to Seattle, for once (I’ve been down to California at least three times to visit in the last few years) but that fell through. He wanted to bring his dog and I told him no, I have two cats and one of them is deathly afraid of large dogs. He said “wherever I go my dog goes” and he’s right. He has a fraudulent emotional support animal certificate which he uses to get a free flight for his dog wherever he goes. I told him, you either leave the dog at home or you aren’t welcome at my house. So he didn’t come. I don’t go on trips with him anymore because it’s all about what he wants.
I love him because he is my brother, and we will always have that bond, but I really just don’t care for him as a person. If he were not my brother I would not want anything to do with him. Our personalities do not jive in any way. We have zero in common. We aren’t interested in each other’s lives. I just don’t really know where to go from here.
It’s funny because I love his girlfriend, she is super sweet and a beautiful person, though I don’t how she puts up with him.
How old is your brother? He sounds pretty young and immature.
I'm puzzled,as an adult, why would you even take a trip or vacation with your brother?
I am 66 and I have never taken a trip with either of my brothers, except for an occasional day trip to attend an out-of-town funeral or something similar. Now, when we lived in different cities/states we did travel to see each other and our families, but that is different than taking a trip together.
How old is your brother? He sounds pretty young and immature.
I'm puzzled,as an adult, why would you even take a trip or vacation with your brother?
I am 66 and I have never taken a trip with either of my brothers, except for an occasional day trip to attend an out-of-town funeral or something similar. Now, when we lived in different cities/states we did travel to see each other and our families, but that is different than taking a trip together.
We do family trips. For example, last January, we did a family trip to Sarasota, Florida with my mom, stepdad, brothers. I would never travel with just him, I would go crazy. Even that trip was mostly unbearable. I mostly went to spend time with my sister who I love dearly.
May I kindly say, you both have very similar personalities. Each of you seem headstrong and dedicated to your values. Ohh how sibling spats can blind the opportunities if one so wishes.
I have five brothers and I can name a multitude of differences...and of those things...it's what makes us individuals...we can allow it to separate us...or we can respect those qualities and gather common ground.
The funniest ( when I look back on our spats is...one brother said....I cant be seen with you! You are a girl! So I shouted back, ohhh..great! Now you tell me?? And all this time I thought I was a boy! Does Mom know??...we better tell her!). Yes that is sometimes how we can divide ourselves ...or we can make light of it and bond thru those differences.
It isn't unusual to have little in common with a sibling or to be a completely different personality and disposition. What you DO have in common is the same family. So I would suggest that you keep attending family events and spend time with those you can relate to better. But at the same time, be tolerant of your brother because there is nothing else you can do. You can't change him. It may help to observe how other family members deal with him. As an introvert myself, I've learned to just direct my attention elsewhere when faced with behavior that grates.
Why not be accountable for your contribution to the relationship with your brother instead of pointing fingers.
That’s an interesting point. I feel like I have made a legitimate effort over the past few years. I have visited him in California three separate times. He has come to see me zero times. The one time he was going to fell through because HE was unable to compromise, by leaving his large dog at home. And that is seems to be the theme with our relationship. Everyone else has to bend over backwards but he can’t be bothered with the slightest inconvenience.
It's common not to like a sibling. There is always a small bond due to growing up together but we all develop into our personalities, sometimes they just don't jive. I have difficulty liking my brother. We are close in age but he is the type of person that has a lot of drama in his life. He causes most of it due to lack of honesty or commitment and he just goes in circles. I feel a little bad but he likes me the best out of the siblings but its because I just avoid any sort of topic that can set him off although we have some blow outs in the past.
He is emotionally unstable at times. He cannot take any sort of feedback about anything. He loses his temper quickly and then its gone in a flash. This type of unpredictability makes me tense and I'd rather not deal with the drama. He is insecure and does every type of macho clique male thing he can do appear to manly. He joined a motorcycle club in his early 20's and that comes first before anyone. He doesn't ever want to be pinned down. A simple question of "Hey, what are you doing this weekend?", you can see the shift in his body language like you just asked him for his credit card number as he doesn't want anyone to know his business.
He isn't reliable at all. If he shows up, he is late. He doesn't answer calls or texts and when he does, its much later and by then whatever you needed is pointless. He is extremely inappropriate pretty much all the time. Any conversation can turn into something sexual because I guess that is a manly thing to do. He can't help himself to call women "brawds" which is insulting and ridiculous. His club has to show up for any type of family event such as funeral or wedding because "his boys" are being supportive. Then he flips completely and acts like a lost boy which is how he gets women to do stuff for him. Then he complains about the outcome. No woman has ever done anything right in his eyes. I honestly am shocked that he is able to have so many women in his life. He cheats, he can be cruel and they still drop whatever they are doing to do things for him. It's baffling.
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