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But is it really that hard for people to just write a "thanks but no thanks" message? I've done it. Over the years I've become quite good at reading between the lines and many people tell me that I have a good intuition. It's the silence that bothers me. Again, I respect hers or anyone's decision to not want to be friends with me. Just as I hope others would respect my choices.
So, you're not worrying/obsessing about it and you've moved on. Really??
I am assuming that once she caught up with you, she was fine with just that and not necessarily keeping in contact. She may have discovered that you and she are two very different people now. I would just let this one go.
There's a reason that you fell out of contact with each other. When we get back in touch with someone after having moved on, this is the usual thing that happens. Unless there's a new impetus for a resumed realtionship (live close by, have kids the same age, whatever), you're quickly out of touch again.
So, you're not worrying/obsessing about it and you've moved on. Really??
Really. Like I wrote in one of the posts, I am being realistic here and knew that after so many years we won't have much in common. She's the only friend from my past whom I decided to contact. We were very close and went through a lot together. Actually, I have a few people with whom I am no longer close but still communicate occasionally. My parents and boyfriend have a few such friends as well.
Again, it's the abrupt cut-off/silence/ghosting that bothers me here and not her decision to not want to talk to me. So, like I already wrote, she asked me about contacting another close friend and our favorite teacher. I replied with the following questions: Do you know where they might be now? Do you want me to try to contact them or would you rather do it yourself? I think our friend lived just a couple of blocks where you lived during our freshman year?
She also asked me a few questions about my work. I asked her a few questions about her studies. That's it. That's what I meant about asking related questions. There was no hint of rejection in her email. I understand she's very busy. Still, if I were her, I would've written something like: "Listen, I don't really have a lot of free time these days. We'll keep in touch."
A friend that is ignoring you is not your friend, at least not anymore. Don't kiss anyone backside to be their friend, move on with your life and discover new friends. Life is way to short to be begging someone for their attention. Move on.
she may have a boyfriend now taking up her time. Let it go. Don’t push the issue. She’ll contact you if she wants the friendship. Otherwise good riddance.
Really. Like I wrote in one of the posts, I am being realistic here and knew that after so many years we won't have much in common. She's the only friend from my past whom I decided to contact. We were very close and went through a lot together. Actually, I have a few people with whom I am no longer close but still communicate occasionally. My parents and boyfriend have a few such friends as well.
Again, it's the abrupt cut-off/silence/ghosting that bothers me here and not her decision to not want to talk to me. So, like I already wrote, she asked me about contacting another close friend and our favorite teacher. I replied with the following questions: Do you know where they might be now? Do you want me to try to contact them or would you rather do it yourself? I think our friend lived just a couple of blocks where you lived during our freshman year?
She also asked me a few questions about my work. I asked her a few questions about her studies. That's it. That's what I meant about asking related questions. There was no hint of rejection in her email. I understand she's very busy. Still, if I were her, I would've written something like: "Listen, I don't really have a lot of free time these days. We'll keep in touch."
Yeah, you're moving on
Not obsessing.
ROFL!
Seriously though, you.need to stop thinking and writing about this woman who obviously does not want a friendship with you. You keep churning things she said over in your.mind. It doesn't matter what she said, just to be polite. She's gone on with her life and you need to do the same.
Some people are tossing out weak excuses as to why she never replied; they aren't helping you to face reality. You don't even realize how much you're obsessing and repeating the same things over and over and over.
Here's the situation. Four months ago I reconnected with my best friend from high school. Let's call her Maria. I hadn't spoken to her in nearly 16 years. Never had any fights or fallouts. We just lost touch after graduation. I looked for her on social networks and finally found her profile on LinkedIn. She moved to another city.
She wrote that she was really touched that I made the effort to find her and that we should resume our friendship. We exchanged two more emails after that: basically telling each what we've been up to since we last saw each other, reminiscing about our other friends, etc. She gave me her phone number and I gave her mine. I wrote her another email. Nada. Wrote her six more emails since. Still nothing. Decided not to phone her.
I'm just stunned here. Now, I know that no one is under any obligation to talk to me. I can take hints and read between the lines. I have a life and a few close friends. For example, a couple of years ago I contacted one of my acquaintances from college. We were never close but still got on really well. We exchanged a couple of phone calls and emails. Last year, I sent her a Christmas greeting and she hasn't replied since. I decided to leave it at that. Recently, my best friend didn't call me for two months and ignored my messages. I had a feeling she would that. I didn't take it personally because I know what goes in her private life. She finally called me two weeks ago and invited me for lunch at her house over the weekend.
In this case, there's nothing to read between the lines: just silence. I asked my mother for advice and she said that Maria probably thinks that those couple of emails we exchanged are enough. After all, there's nothing to discuss after so many years. I agree with that. I'm not expecting to stay in touch every week or month. However, I'm just baffled as to why she decided to just cut me off after writing how glad she was that I found her. I didn't write anything that would upset her.
Also, I feel like this is currently a one-way street. I'm the one who made the effort to find her. I don't want to send her anymore emails and I certainly don't want to call her. I feel this makes me look needy and desperate. Still, I would feel bad if I find out later on that she can't get in touch with me because of illness or depression, etc.
What would you do?
Thank you in advance.
What would I do? I'd do nothing and move on. Either she's just not that into you, or she hasn't read her emails lately but either way, at this point you're a stalker!
Seriously though, you.need to stop thinking and writing about this woman who obviously does not want a friendship with you. You keep churning things she said over in your.mind. It doesn't matter what she said, just to be polite. She's gone on with her life and you need to do the same.
Some people are tossing out weak excuses as to why she never replied; they aren't helping you to face reality. You don't even realize how much you're obsessing and repeating the same things over and over and over.
You might benefit from professional counseling.
The reason I'm repeating the same things here is because some posters wrote that I'm obsessing over this and that I just need to let her go. I already have and I won't send her any more emails. I didn't word my op properly. I should've emphasized that I'm bothered not by her decision to not want to stay in touch, but by her ghosting me. Also, some people have said that my behavior is stalkerish. I agree that I shouldn't have sent several emails. However, in my defence, I refrained from calling or texting her. That would've been too much. I don't think I need professional counselling.
Last edited by Marissa23; 05-18-2018 at 04:01 PM..
Reason: spelling
Really. Like I wrote in one of the posts, I am being realistic here and knew that after so many years we won't have much in common. She's the only friend from my past whom I decided to contact. We were very close and went through a lot together. Actually, I have a few people with whom I am no longer close but still communicate occasionally. My parents and boyfriend have a few such friends as well.
Again, it's the abrupt cut-off/silence/ghosting that bothers me here and not her decision to not want to talk to me. So, like I already wrote, she asked me about contacting another close friend and our favorite teacher. I replied with the following questions: Do you know where they might be now? Do you want me to try to contact them or would you rather do it yourself? I think our friend lived just a couple of blocks where you lived during our freshman year?
She also asked me a few questions about my work. I asked her a few questions about her studies. That's it. That's what I meant about asking related questions. There was no hint of rejection in her email. I understand she's very busy. Still, if I were her, I would've written something like: "Listen, I don't really have a lot of free time these days. We'll keep in touch."
So if she wrote you and said 'we have nothing in common any more and I don't wish to be in contact with you any more' or 'get a life, stop emailing me', you'd accept it and move on?
Her silence is your answer. You don't know if she got your emails, she changed her mind about getting back in touch, or she has outgrown you as well as her other high school friends. Chances are you will never know why she never answered you. You can't and shouldn't expect people to act the way you do- just because your parents, boyfriend and you communicate with people who aren't close to you anymore doesn't mean that everyone else does. You reached out, exchanged a few emails and that's that- there is really nothing to be gained over obsessing over this.
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