Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't think either partner should stay at home if you put the kids in daycare. If either partner stays at home to take care of kids, that's a different thing and is valuable.
Studies show that dads and moms parent differently, though. Children of attentive stay at home dads are typically more independent - they can make their own sandwich, find their own socks and shoes and will put them on without being told to before an outing, can make their own bowl of cereal, etc.
But compared to children who are raised by attentive stay at home moms, children of stay at home dads don't feel as completely taken care of. They don't have that comforting feeling that someone has their back all the time, and is in their corner, and will make sure they are a priority.
They're kind of on their own to fend for their needs, and have some needs go unmet. (Lunch, for example, if they don't ask for it. A jacket for the park, if they don't remember to bring one themselves.)
The studies conclude that for older children - late elementary and older - they fare very well with stay at home dads for summer break, but younger ones - preschoolers - feel a little bit of anxiety about having to take care of themselves with not as much nurturing.
That's interesting! When we were young, my mom went back to work (she was a nurse) because my dad had gotten laid off. Her shift usually ended after we went to bed. I don't think I was older than 6 at the time, might've been a year or two younger, and I missed her terribly.
My dad was just brusquer about everything...like everything was an army drill. LOL
I’m not sure what the bone of contention is. The question was whether or not a woman were willing to support a SAHS. I indicated that I was willing to do it. My ex didn’t want to do it (stay home). I was fine with his decision either way. It wasn’t as though I tried to force him to stay home. He, on the other hand, had tried to force me to do it at one point in our marriage. I didn’t want to, either.
Independence is good. It’s part of the reason I myself worked. In my “ideal” marriage, both spouses are equal partners and financial decisions are made together. Both partners, again IMHO, should have equal amounts of discretionary spending money regardless of who brings in more or less or even no money.
That doesn’t mean it wouldn’t have been nice for me to come home to a cooked meal. We all have our dreams.
I have no contention with your post.
I just said a man making no money and dropping off kids at daycare is a lot different from a guy who works 40 hours a week making $15/hr. It's working...
By the way, I think the entire Alpha/Beta designation is kind of stupid, as are the people who buy into it. Does this mean that SAHMs are Beta women? Only a complete dumbass thinks this way. Either you contribute to the marriage or you don't, whether it's financially or ensuring its smooth operation.
Specifically, however, I actually have a good friend who is an artist. Married to a prominent local child psychologist and childless, he struggled for years as a freelance graphic designer. Five years ago, he got tired of it. He quit to concentrate on his art.
A couple of years ago, he had a breakthrough in approach and really found his groove, an intricate and unique mixed media approach. As a result, he is winning top honors at art shows across the country, including some prestigious ones. He called me two months excited that a woman in Florida bought one of his works and hung it in her Miami Beach mansion next to a De Kooning. "You know that piece I gave you for helping me out? Hang onto it, because it's looking as if it's going to be worth something soon" was how he broke the news to me.
For years he struggled. But this year, he already has enough commissions, including one for Oracle, to guarantee that he'll outearn his wife. So, was this guy a freeloader on his wife? Or was he just ramping up to be a success? And how do you know the difference between one and the other?
Now, on the other hand, my wife has a friend who is a hotshot corporate attorney. Earned beaucoup money at a Fortune 500. Her husband, also an attorney, was a complete lump. Once day, eleven years ago, he just decided to quit practicing law. He was going to stay home and take care of the kids. Only he didn't. He was so unreliable as a carpool driver that we just gave up. Their house was always trashed, and Amy always had to cook dinner after working all day. Finally, she threw in the towel and divorced him. "Oh, you DO have a breaking point," was what her sister said upon hearing the news.
I didn't pay attention to the article title. The article itself is quite good. People should read it.
You posted a good story. If you were going to put a mate through law school, then you would expect them to get a job afterwards. Supporting an artist is different.
A struggling artist who is say, in their 40s, may never make any significant $ doing that. It also depends on the artist.
If a corporate attorney were married to a jewelry designer, after a few years, they could be making 'some' $ off that and selling it on Etsy and craft shows. That is not nothing.
It's hard for me to see how the person that inspired this thread will ever make any significant amount of $ doing what he does.
I just said a man making no money and dropping off kids at daycare is a lot different from a guy who works 40 hours a week making $15/hr. It's working...
Ok. I missed the part about the guy dropping kids off at daycare even though he wasn’t working. If my husband had elected to stay home, he would have been watching the kids. I really prefer both working and both sharing chores at home, but I don’t want one sitting at home and not contributing.
We both work. We own a business and run it together. We play off each others strengths and it works well for us. We've been doing that about 5 years or so. I won't lie, it took some time to get used to each other work patterns and style. There are occasional tensions, but I don't think anything any marriage doesn't have. I couldn't be a stay at home husband, and my wife doesn't either. We buy, refurbish old furniture, and sell them when we have extra time. I'm not sure if most spouses could spend so much time together like we do. lol
I don't really see why it should matter to anyone but the couple you're talking about.
To each their own.
Well, it matters to me because I'm very close to the woman in question and I don't want her to be taken advantage of.
But I agree for the most part. That's why I'm discussing it here with a total stranger like you, and not with them or people who are close to the both of us.
Maybe I'm old school, but I dont know of any self respecting man that would stay at home instead of going to work earning a pay check. Sickness or childcare would be a consideration, but as soon as a man can go to work, he should.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
