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So, recently I learned the status of somebody who is close to me has changed, and their husband is no longer a SAHF, since they agreed it would be better to put the kids in daycare.
The husband is an artist of sorts, or at least that's the best way to put it, but doesn't make any $ off of that skill. Their kids are very young, and it seems to me that if they are indeed together 'till death do us part' then she will be taking care of him.
Her response is "Oh well, he's just another tax deduction."
Here's a good article on the subject. And it's a pretty similar situation.
In any case, I was just curious as to how men and women feel on the subject.
So, let's say you're either the husband or wife here. The wife makes a lot. Enough to pretty comfortably support let's call it two kids and the husband in a upper/upper-middle class way. Kids are in daycare, so he doesn't perhaps the husband cleans, cooks, does chores. But he's supported by the wife. She pays for his car, his food, his housing, his spending $. His spending is not extravaggant. He's not a gold-digger, nothing extreme, out of a reality TV show, he's frugal, but makes nothing. During the rest of the day, maybe he works on his craft a lot, maybe a little, but he makes no $ doing it.
I KNOW that many women are supported in this manner, but socially it's just a completely different thing. Curious as to popular opinion.
I know a couple like that, except they're not upper-middle class. SHe's a workhorse, and gets all the work she can, to support the family.He has a space he calls his "studio" and makes jewelry that's actually pretty nice, pretty salable. The problem is, he's not interested in marketing it beyond hitting some street fairs in his area, working the weekend farmers'/artists' market, that kind of thing. She's tried to convince him to look for buyers out of state, and the work is good enough for that, but he's not interested.
Every once in a while, she becomes exasperated, and at that point, he'll go drive cab for a few months, then it's back to his status quo. He socializes with other artist types, including a couple of them who similarly live off their wives, or work part-time, while the wife works full-time.
I knew a lady who was a cardiovascular surgeon. Her husband was a SAHD. At school the son was asked by a teacher if he wanted to be a Cardiovascular surgeon when he grew up. He said "heck no, I want to marry one!"
The gender of the house-spouse doesn't matter. If one makes enough money, and the other is useful around the house, it's fine. I don't understand sending the kids to daycare if a parent is home, though. Seems like a waste of money and needless exposure to a lot of germs.
The gender of the house-spouse doesn't matter. If one makes enough money, and the other is useful around the house, it's fine. I don't understand sending the kids to daycare if a parent is home, though. Seems like a waste of money and needless exposure to a lot of germs.
The answer to your question is that some people believe children will fare better if they are socialized from a very early age. And the wife can afford the daycare easily.
In any case, I was just curious as to how men and women feel on the subject.
I feel each marriage has its own arrangements and agreements. It is between the two people in the marriage and they are the only ones who need to be concerned about what is going on. Gender of roles in any marriage is irrelevant.
The answer to your question is that some people believe children will fare better if they are socialized from a very early age. And the wife can afford the daycare easily.
There are half day preschools for that. Every family I ever knew with a stay at home parent sent their kids to preschool around 3-6 hours/day, 2-4 days/week starting around age 2.5-4. I'm not knocking day care. My kids went. I'm just saying, if a parent is home, you don't need a facility that is open 11 hours/day.
I know 2 sahf.
Both of their wives are successful Physicians.
The fathers work 24/7 in the home while their wives have their thriving practices.
Both the fathers get gossiped about continuously, by macho Men, and envious Mothers.
I have to say there was a period in my marriage where the roles were temporarily reversed....AND I LOVED IT!
Status:
"This too shall pass. But possibly, like a kidney stone."
(set 9 days ago)
35,951 posts, read 18,257,705 times
Reputation: 51030
I don't think either partner should stay at home if you put the kids in daycare. If either partner stays at home to take care of kids, that's a different thing and is valuable.
Studies show that dads and moms parent differently, though. Children of attentive stay at home dads are typically more independent - they can make their own sandwich, find their own socks and shoes and will put them on without being told to before an outing, can make their own bowl of cereal, etc.
But compared to children who are raised by attentive stay at home moms, children of stay at home dads don't feel as completely taken care of. They don't have that comforting feeling that someone has their back all the time, and is in their corner, and will make sure they are a priority.
They're kind of on their own to fend for their needs, and have some needs go unmet. (Lunch, for example, if they don't ask for it. A jacket for the park, if they don't remember to bring one themselves.)
The studies conclude that for older children - late elementary and older - they fare very well with stay at home dads for summer break, but younger ones - preschoolers - feel a little bit of anxiety about having to take care of themselves with not as much nurturing.
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