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I have noticed that once I lose trust in someone, I never really get over it. This can happen with friends, boyfriends or family.
Once someone burns me, even it's unintentional, I never feel the same way about them anymore.
I know you are supposed to forgive, but as much as I want to, I never really do. I've tried forgiving and seeing things from their point of view, but I still can't get over it.
I have noticed that once I lose trust in someone, I never really get over it. This can happen with friends, boyfriends or family.
Once someone burns me, even it's unintentional, I never feel the same way about them anymore.
I know you are supposed to forgive, but as much as I want to, I never really do. I've tried forgiving and seeing things from their point of view, but I still can't get over it.
Does this seem normal or am I just sensitive?
It seems very normal to me as I'm the same way, but I think most people would view it as a character flaw.
Well it depends on circumstances. Basically you are holding a grudge. If you have been seriously and purposely screwed by someone I guess it's normal to hate them for years or even for life. If it's just someone refusing to do what you ask or want them to do, or disagreeing with you or disappointing you in some way then it's probably best to bury the hatchet. I never considered I had enough friends or relatives to want to dicard any of them. Like the bible says, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
If you are no longer angry with them, or hate them, or resent them or feel bitter, or want revenge then that is not a grudge you are feeling but rather being cautious with someone that has proven themselves not trustworthy. However if you still feeling anger etc, then yes it's holding a grudge.
Well, I think you need to remind yourself that you have undoubtedly proved untrustworthy to someone, or flaked out, or not come through as expected. I know this because we are all human here, and none of us is perfect.
If you want others to look past your shortcomings, I think you have to be willing to do same.
You can forgive, without allowing yourself to become victimized. The saying, “to understand, is to forgive” is apt, I think. People simply are not perfect, and holding a grudge over every slight or failure will ultimately leave you with few friends. And will make you bitter.
In terms of trusting, I do agree that a flake is maddening, and cannot be trusted. And a person who habitually shirks or blames should not be trusted. Someone like that is hard to forgive, although if you are Christian you are instructed to do so, as a matter of love. At any rate, it would be foolish to entrust an untrustworthy person with secrets or responsibility.
But for an occasional slight, or failure, I think cutting people some slack is probably what we would want that person to do for us. We all mess up sometimes.
You have an ego problem. Not a sensitivity problem. To have the type of attitude you have you must think you're a special snowflake that is somehow exempt or unable to screw up and burn others. And I bet you expect everyone else to forgive you just as quickly and forget all your flaws while not offering anyone else the same latitude. You are no victim.
You have an ego problem. Not a sensitivity problem. To have the type of attitude you have you must think you're a special snowflake that is somehow exempt or unable to screw up and burn others. And I bet you expect everyone else to forgive you just as quickly and forget all your flaws while not offering anyone else the same latitude. You are no victim.
What if it's intentional?
I'm sort of a Pollyanna & it takes an awful lot for me to even understand when someone is being mean to me. People who know me have actually laughed at me before because I apparently miss very obvious signs of contempt.
"Hey, did you just see that guy flip you off?" Me: "Oh no; I'm pretty sure the sun was glaring him right in the eyes. I think he was just reaching up for his sun visor." Or:
"What's up with those girls giving you all the dirty looks?" Me: "Who? What girls? Nobody has given me a dirty look!"
I can only think of one time when I realized I was being ganged up on by two people that I thought were my friends. It was almost paralyzing. I just sat really still & got really quiet until they left me sitting there.
A few days later one of them came to me, crying & apologizing, saying she didn't know why she had acted like that. Of course, I accepted her apology & even continued to hang out with her now & then but it was never the same.
I operate on a daily basis thinking that I'm likable & liking everybody back. Even people with a reputation for being really mean; just are not mean to me, IRL. This event was like uncharted territory for me & I felt completely lost.
Whenever there is a misunderstanding, I always assume I caused it. It's my default setting. I'm not assuming to speak for the person you are replying to but I did see where they were coming from.
I have noticed that once I lose trust in someone, I never really get over it. This can happen with friends, boyfriends or family.
Once someone burns me, even it's unintentional, I never feel the same way about them anymore.
I know you are supposed to forgive, but as much as I want to, I never really do. I've tried forgiving and seeing things from their point of view, but I still can't get over it.
Does this seem normal or am I just sensitive?
I think it's absolutely normal to never feel the same way as you used to about anybody that you've lost trust in. It's okay if you want to forgive people who have abused your trust but forgiving them does not mean you should forget all about their past indiscretions or untrustworthiness towards you (or towards others) and to be a gullible sucker and start trusting them again. Trust in what your own intuition and survival instinct tells you and err on the "once bitten twice shy" side of caution on this.
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