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I've been seeing my girlfriend, who has lupus and cannot work, for about six months now. She's living with her parents.
When I first started talking to her back in March, she had no cell phone. I bought her an older iPhone and a month's service for her birthday in April. I figured her parents would take over the $35/month Straight Talk plan at some point. They never have.
While I don't expect them to pay for everything for her that we do together, they've never once even given her $5 or $10 to help me out, offered to take us out to eat, or anything. The expenses are beginning to add up. I'm buying the bulk of her groceries. I'm buying her clothes - some really needed, some discretionary. Every meal out goes on my credit card. It's probably at least a couple hundred dollars a month at this point, and a large part of that is for truly needed items. Her family never takes her to the grocery store, out shopping, or out to do anything but go to the doctor really.
She is close to being able to walk and drive again after a hip replacement surgery last week. Her car is inoperable. No one in the family drove the car this past year since she's been unable to walk. I drove it a month ago after jumping it off, but it's going to need at least tires and a battery. I had over $1,000 of auto work this month myself and don't need another big bill. The parents let the car get in this shape by being too stupid to drive and maintain it.
The thing is that they can afford to help out. They spent Labor Day week in Florida. They just bought her brother, who is 20, healthy, and working, a fairly new car. Her dad is going to Greece for two weeks next week. There is plenty of money sloshing around.
I'm drawing the line in the sand on the car. I'm not fixing it. I'm going to keep the cell phone plan going, but the rest of this stuff is getting cut out. How would you approach them on this?
Here we go again with the whining about money.
If you don’t want to pay for things, don’t. Nobody is forcing you to take this girl out.
BTW why did you “figure” the parents would voluntarily take over their daughters phone payments? Didn’t you discuss it with anyone?
She has no income? Not even some kind of disability/social security type thing?
What did she do before you came along?
She was working until last year. She's applied for disability, but it's on appeal and hasn't received it yet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel
Here we go again with the whining about money.
If you don’t want to pay for things, don’t. Nobody is forcing you to take this girl out.
BTW why did you “figure” the parents would voluntarily take over their daughters phone payments? Didn’t you discuss it with anyone?
I assumed they'd be willing to help. A $35/month plan from Straight Talk is nothing when you're jetting off to Greece for two weeks.
I'm just perplexed they've never even given her some small amount of money at some point to help out, or offer to take us out to eat. SOMETHING.
Last edited by Serious Conversation; 09-28-2018 at 07:36 AM..
I can't link to the original posts because the thread was locked. But you willingly walked into this situation, and you continue to stay there voluntarily.
You ignored good advice, and you made assumptions about her family that proved to be inaccurate. You don't have to pay for anything. You choose to.
Stop shaming them for being who they are. They didn't ask you to come in and "save" their daughter. You're doing it all by choice. SO either keep it up or stop.
Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
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How old is she (edit, I looked at the other thread and realize she's 22 or 23 and obviously an adult)? I'm guessing she's an adult. Does she live with her parents rent free? If so, it sounds like her parents are already helping her out more so than you are. You can choose to do more for her or not. Why on earth would you feel the need to confront her parents? They are free to help her or not as well as you are.
On a side note, their vacations are none of your damn business. I'm sure they've worked hard all of their lives to take those vacations. Get a grip man.
You are the BF. You cannot and should not try to tell her parents how to spend their money. Even most adult children do not tell their parents how to spend money. If they did, she would already have her financial needs met.
Either stop supporting her or quite complaining about it. It's your decision to give her money that is making you miserable.
I assumed they'd be willing to help. A $35/month plan from Straight Talk is nothing when you're jetting off to Greece for two weeks.
I'm just perplexed they've never even given her some small amount of money at some point to help out, or offer to take us out to eat. SOMETHING.
It's not your place to decide how they spend their money. They probably realize that if they start paying for things for her now, they always will. They're giving her a free place to stay. And if you weren't in the picture, I doubt they would let her starve. But beyond that, they're being careful about how much they give her. I can't blame them.
Why should the parents spend any money on their daughter when they found a chump who is willing to do it for them?
IMHO, unless she is the woman that you plan to marry and spend the next 50 to 60 years loving, caring for and supporting stop paying her bills! Stop paying her cell phone bill! Stop buying her groceries! Stop buying her clothes! And, for the love of God, do NOT pay for her car repairs!
If you want to spend time with her start to go to free concerts in the park or to other free activities. Go to the library and read the magazines. Stop taking her to restaurants and just prepare a picnic lunch and eat it on a picnic table in a park, or even in car or apartment.
Frankly, are you really sure that you even want to with a woman who allows herself to be supported by a boyfriend? Aren't those women at the minimum Sugar Babies or Gold Diggers or at the worse just hookers? (of course, it is different if you are married and one of the couple is a stay at home spouse, but they are going their share by caring for the house and children. But you aren't married).
Sheesh. Grow up.
Last edited by germaine2626; 09-28-2018 at 08:34 AM..
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