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The OP's daughter is grown. Is she mature? Probably not, but she's got a husband or significant other or whatever, and she's clearly trying to navigate that relationship and merge it with her relationship with her mother. Give her a freaking break. Any mother would do so anyway.
Again, you've hit the nail on the head. Exactly right!
The OP's daughter is grown. Is she mature? Probably not, but she's got a husband or significant other or whatever, and she's clearly trying to navigate that relationship and merge it with her relationship with her mother. Give her a freaking break. Any mother would do so anyway.
The OP didn't book her own flight or discuss the details of the terms with her daughter before she allowed the daughter to book the flight. Wow. That's on the OP, though I would also add that the OP should have learned from this that she MUST verify details before agreeing on things, because apparently her daughter is not mature enough to be up front and clear herself.
Fault on both ends. So it's up to the OP to be the more mature, more grounded, more stable person.
Oh bullhockey. As a poster who has written numerous threads about her own relationship issues with her daughter, I'm wondering where your compassion for this mother is. Her daughter misled her, plain and simple. It was the daughter who reissued the invitation, without ever changing the parameters of the trip.
Yes, the OP can decide whether or not to let this affect her relationship with her daughter going forward. But enough with the "wow" criticism. One trip was discussed, another was booked, without any transparency by the daughter. Mom knew the housing had been offered(free it seems) for 11 days. Daughter said she would book the air for the cc points. If she had second thoughts about bringing her mother along, fine, even understandable. But she was dishonest in re-inviting her without making it clear it would be a much shorter trip.
Oh bullhockey. As a poster who has written numerous threads about her own relationship issues with her daughter, I'm wondering where your compassion for this mother is. Her daughter misled her, plain and simple. It was the daughter who reissued the invitation, without ever changing the parameters of the trip.
Yes, the OP can decide whether or not to let this affect her relationship with her daughter going forward. But enough with the "wow" criticism. One trip was discussed, another was booked, without any transparency by the daughter. Mom knew the housing had been offered(free it seems) for 11 days. Daughter said she would book the air for the cc points. If she had second thoughts about bringing her mother along, fine, even understandable. But she was dishonest in re-inviting her without making it clear it would be a much shorter trip.
I have two daughters. One is a terrible communicator, one is not. I don't expect you to grasp the differences in the different relationships. But let's just say that I've learned to navigate them.
The mother should not have agreed to the trip without knowing the details. She missed that memo this time. Live and learn.
I would try to enjoy the four days of free lodging and enthusiastically prepare for the trip, but I would also change my return flight and plan a solo vacation on another part of the island! Your daughter may feel guilty, but I would maximize the time spent in Hawaii.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chicago2vegas
I agree with Mary
Too much money for just a few days,and I would extend and go off on my own
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Originally Posted by MGS4EVER
I also agree with Mary. Find a resort nearby and go there. There's always travel deals and you will have fun. That's what I would do. Win-win.
The condo time share was generously provided by someone else.
Any chance this someone else is connected to the OP, and why the daughter felt it necessary to invite the OP?
Then the daughter tells the OP the trip is cancelled, citing expensive plane fares, only to realize the OP will find out from the person with the time share that they are still going.
So the daughter re-invites the OP, but instead of telling her she and her husband want some time alone, she does this goofy business with the plane reservation.
Daughter sounds flaky. Hope the trip goes better than the planning.
Last edited by GotHereQuickAsICould; 02-21-2019 at 01:31 AM..
BECAUSE I'M PAYING FOR THEIR COLLEGE. There is little to no money for travel until the kids are graduated. My priority is education before luxuries. Travel is a luxury. Same for my sister.
No, it didn't happen to me. However, I do not have the same expectations. Doesn't matter how many times a year they travel. I wouldn't think my future son-in-law would want me on his vacation anymore than my husband wanted my mother on his vacation.
If OP doesn't have a husband or sibling, she can bring a friend or join a travel club.
Still think it was nice of her daughter for even thinking about it and OP should let this go.
So you're paying for your nieces and nephew's college education? You said it was your sister's kids that were still in college.
What's nice about insisting on using your CC so you get points to pay for a plane ticket and than find out while they stay for 11 days, you get 4 days? For a trip that involves 10 or more hours of flying and changing planes.
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Originally Posted by DubbleT
And?
It sounds like OP has EXPECTATIONS about the way things should be with her grown daughter. I find that EXPECTATIONS are often met with disappointment.
If OP is the party that has expectations then I stand by my earlier advice that the OP should be the one to cut through the confusion and awkwardness and find out what's going on and the reasoning behind the change. Otherwise the resentment just going to sit there between them, festering and creating ill will.
Agree, there was a lack of communication on the part of the OP.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane
Maybe your kids never invite you or you don't get along with them. Plenty of families happily vacation together.
Exactly, amazing how some seem to find taking a trip with family sheer torture. As you mentioned on your post about the beach vacations, some of those people are now gone.
We did not discuss the exact timeline. The condo was reserved for 11 days. So one would assume that would be the timeline. I don’t think it would have bothered me if they maybe took two days at the end to themself. The build up to this vacation was just plain awkward. Just a lot of time, effort and money for a very short trip with a big splash of weird. Do I believed she purposely deceived me...no. That is too harsh of a word.
OK. so you were never invited for 11 days. I didn't see that until I went back and looked at what actually went down. You assumed something and now are blaming your daughter for doing something backhanded.
The way you stated this didn't even indicate THEY were staying 11 days. For all we know daughter said "Bob and Sally are letting us have their condo for 11 days in March!" without even knowing if they themselves were going the full 11 days. You keep saying the condo is booked for 11 days but you never said "Daughter and hubby are going for 11 days."
YOU should have asked specifics, especially since SHE booked the flights. I mean, didn't you say "So are you thinking we'll fly out on the morning of the 1st and back on the morning of the 11th?" Didn't you ask about times at all? If you were meeting up at Honolulu airport, it seems this would have come up.
Was your daughter sloppy about how she handled this? Yes. She should have said "We are going to Hawaii and would like you to join us for part of it." But you assumed too much as well and now you are hurt and angry over a miscommunication that you were part of.
The bottom line here is that daughter invited you on a vacation because she wants to spend time with you. If you don't want to go, fine. Just don't make a mountain over a molehill. Relationships sever that way.
But tell her sooner than later. In fact, tell her today that you aren't going. There may be excursions they want to do that they can plan for now.
Edit to add: The daughter may not even be considering that traveling a long distance for a 4-5 day period (return ticket is for the 5th day) is tiring. Many young people think nothing of this. I know people who work for Delta that think nothing of jetting to South America on a whim for a 3- or 4-day weekend because they have flight benefits. So I wouldn't read too much into that part of it.
Well you don't want to cut off your nose to spite your face.
On the other hand there may be a need to talk about your daughter's secrecy and passive aggressive behavior going on here.
If you do that the time is Hawaii is going to be burnt toast
Just hope they didn’t choose those dates because they want you to babysit the kids for something they want to do
11 days in Hawaii is a long time—
You might be glad you are coming home after 4
The bottom line here is that daughter invited you on a vacation because she wants to spend time with you. If you don't want to go, fine. Just don't make a mountain over a molehill. Relationships sever that way.
But tell her sooner than later. In fact, tell her today that you aren't going. There may be excursions they want to do that they can plan for now.
No. Daughter invited her, uninvited her when she cancelled the trip, secretly set up the trip again, and then reluctantly invited her for 4 days so that she could get more CC points.
OP, it's clear that some posters here have their own family dynamics that they are imposing upon your situation. Cancel the trip, get your money back; and if traveling together is something you are interested in, take the lead on organizing a future trip.
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