This might be a long rant...

[Rowan123]

Originally Posted by Sassybluesy

Yes, he was. Someone from the sheriff's dept came out and did a home check, and approved him staying with us.

I would consider talking to his lawyer and telling him that he's no longer staying with you and seeing what the lawyer advises. As the lawyer what liability you have (if any) for failing to keep track of him.

Do you know where he actually is now. Is he actually staying at his Dad's? Could his Dad have taken him and skipped town? Could he have run away? How do you know he'll show up for his next court date? Has he been checking in with you?

It's possible that you are now "responsible" for him since he was released to your custody. You don't want his problems to suddenly become your problems. I have no idea what would happen if, for example, he takes a car and injures someone accidentally. Do you have some liability for the damages he caused because he was released to your "custody" and wasn't staying with you and you didn't notify anyone? Possibly.

What if he gets injured? Could the Court hold you responsible for medical costs etc because you didn't notify anyone that he wasn't staying with you. Would you be denied custody in the future because of this?

I think I would find out the answers to these questions and/or make him move back in with you.

[DubbleT]

Originally Posted by Sassybluesy

You're right. She is no example for Phil, or for Mary. Mary seems to like Christina very much, but I feel like laying it out for Mary, that anyone that drops their own kids for a man isn't all that, no matter how much she SEEMS like a wonderful caring person.

I'm going to step in and play devil's advocate on this particular point. (It does not however mean that I think that what this woman is doing is right in regards to sleeping with a married man.) But she may not have 'dropped' her kids for another man. My ex husbands second wife left her child in the custody of her ex husband because she felt her child would have a better life with him rather than with her. Her ex husband had a good job, he could provide more stability, keep the kid in the same school, and the ex had extended family in the area. She simply felt it would be less disruptive for her child if she was the one to leave their small town to start over somewhere else. Didn't mean she didn't love or want her kid, just that she made an unusual choice in giving custody to her ex. It might be best not to assume 'christina' left her kids for a man without knowing facts first. Assume all you want about her character for sleeping with your stepson though...

[K12144]

Originally Posted by Sassybluesy

Who's going to ask me? Joyce, the DIL is the one who told ME that she thinks John is with Christina. There is nothing I know, that's going to be a surprise to Joyce.


IF for some crazy reason, one of the grandkids asked me what I thought about all of this, I would tell either of them what I think of the situation. They will get the truth that I know.

I was thinking in terms of, what if the kids ask? If they don't know what's going on, is it really your place to give them all the gory details? Are your stepson and/or DIL going to freak out about that?

Originally Posted by DubbleT

I'm going to step in and play devil's advocate on this particular point. (It does not however mean that I think that what this woman is doing is right in regards to sleeping with a married man.) But she may not have 'dropped' her kids for another man. My ex husbands second wife left her child in the custody of her ex husband because she felt her child would have a better life with him rather than with her. Her ex husband had a good job, he could provide more stability, keep the kid in the same school, and the ex had extended family in the area. She simply felt it would be less disruptive for her child if she was the one to leave their small town to start over somewhere else. Didn't mean she didn't love or want her kid, just that she made an unusual choice in giving custody to her ex. It might be best not to assume 'christina' left her kids for a man without knowing facts first. Assume all you want about her character for sleeping with your stepson though...

And, of course, men leave their kids in the custody of their ex-wives all the time, and do we judge them?

[hunterseat]

This is the kind of stuff I have to block out for my own sanity.

If he's choosing sex with anyone besides his wife (my guess is multiple partners) he's dead wrong and pretending otherwise or maintaining a friendly relationship is enabling.

His wife needs to start proceedings to terminate the marriage. She sounds devoted to her mom and probably has a heart of gold. Sorry about the kids. They're old enough to maintain a relationship with her if they choose.

Don't play their games with them. You've got a life to live.

Grandson can work a volunteer job at a shelter or kennel or library or tons of places. He's too old to be idle or to need sitting. Put him in homeschool courses.