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This year has been rough in a lot of ways. A whole lot of it has to do with my stepson and his family. Stepson is in his 40's.
Back at Christmas time, my stepson's wife's mother had a heart attack that nearly killed her, and then a month or so after that, had another one and a stroke. It left her very frail. Then in February, her husband died, after being sick for awhile.
Because of my DIL's mother's health concerns, Stepson and family pack up their home, and move in with DIL's mother to help her mother. Family consists of Stepson, wife, 2 of stepson's children, and 2 young cousins-siblings, that stepson and wife are trying to get custody of. These cousins are 7 and 14. They've had a rough life and they both have issues.
This was in March or April I think. They kept their own home. Haven't tried to sell it, rent it, etc.
Back in June, grandson got in some serious trouble, and could not stay in the home, so he came to stay with us. Otherwise, he would've had to go to a group home or stay in Juvie. He was also suspended for a year from school. Him staying with us has not been a major issue. His father has a logistics company, so typically what happens is, I get grandson up in the morning, and then his dad or his mom, or Christina, an employee, comes to pick him up, so that he's not alone in the house during the day. (As everyone in MY house goes to work during the day.) He treats us respectfully for the most part. But the boy has issues. He needs help.
This whole thing has been stressful, although like I said, grandson has been about as good as a teenager can be.
This all has put a strain on stepson's and DIL's marriage. DIL and the cousins are living with DIL's mother, and come to find out, stepson has moved back into the previous home. Grandson has a sentencing hearing next month. Stepson is adamant that he will get grandson, and then he and grandson will move back in together at previous home. (I plan to attend the sentencing hearing. I have a feeling that my husband and I are not getting all the pertinent facts, and I suspect that stepson is 'playing' us in some way.)
So a couple of evenings ago, I get a text from DIL, starting out saying she loves me. I know things have been rocky between her and stepson, but had not communicated with her directly up until this point. I tell her I love her too, and had been thinking about her a lot, with all this crap has been going on.
She proceeds to tell me how sad and lonely she is, and how she'd gone over to the house, because she'd been suspicious for awhile, because stepson gave her an STD over the summer, and when she goes to the house, she sees that CHRISTINA'S clothes are in DIL's dresser. Stepson had moved Christina in, back in August. (We, (or maybe just 'I' did not know that Christina was living there. But I don't THINK my husband knows this.)
Stepson has been telling US all along that DIL is being nasty toward Christina and is unnecessarily jealous of Christina, and Christina is just a nice lady that works for him. It would seem that he's been lying to us.
I've met and been around Christina several times. She comes across as a very warm person, and 'seems' to care a lot about the kids. (Reminder, the grandkids.) One of them is a 16 yr. old girl, who apparently thinks Christina is the bomb, and the problematic grandson. I have no idea what he thinks of Christina.
My perception of Christina was that she seemed nice enough, but she seemed TOO...I'm not sure of the word...proprietary maybe, toward the grandkids. It seemed like, to me, that she was TOO wrapped up in their business and issues than she should be, being 'mothery' toward them. And I thought "I think I might agree with DIL that something was up with Christina. Plus...Christina seemed a little too solicitous toward stepson.
Like one time, Stepson, oldest granddaughter, great granddaughter, grandson and Christina is at our house. Stepson falls asleep on the couch, and 16 yr. old granddaughter (who's not at our house) calls because she'd fallen on her scooter, and gotten a little banged up and wanted some consolation from stepson. Stepson sleeps like the dead so he doesn't hear his phone, so Christina answers the phone instead. (I found that a little weird). She tells granddaughter "Your dad is asleep. You know how he is. What's up honey?" And then granddaughter cries and gets her consolation from Christina. I found it suspicious at the time.
At one point, Christina had told me that she was divorced or separated from husband, and has 3 kids. So, I knew she was 'single'. But I had assumed she had her kids. Found out from DIL that Christina has left husband and 3 kids behind, to be closer to stepson. All her kids are grade school age.
I am so angry and so wrung out from all this drama. I'm angry at stepson for lying to us. I'm worried about grandson, I'm sad for DIL, and I don't want Christina in my house ever again. Grown up world is kinda sucking these days.
Sorry to hear all this, sassybluesy, this sounds exhausting. I've always admired and appreciated the observations you make in your posts, so it sucks to know this is happening.
Sorry to hear all this, sassybluesy, this sounds exhausting. I've always admired and appreciated the observations you make in your posts, so it sucks to know this is happening.
Ah thanks. I appreciate the kind words.
I just want to tell EVERYONE exactly what's on my mind, except...I don't want to embarrass myself or my husband. lol
Christina picking up the kids and her should have triggered your radar.
In any event, your husband's son is asking for a ton of trouble, and his dad should speak to him. Be thankful the grandson is not taking everything out on you two right now, but it's a shame his dad is such a bad role model. At least he has your place to escape to.
Christina picking up the kids and her should have triggered your radar.
In any event, your husband's son is asking for a ton of trouble, and his dad should speak to him. Be thankful the grandson is not taking everything out on you two right now, but it's a shame his dad is such a bad role model. At least he has your place to escape to.
You're right, it should've, and I feel like I was naïve. I just mainly thought "Christina does what her boss tells her to do." Now I'm thinking "Well, apparently they're sleeping together, so in the morning, he goes one way, and she goes the other. (Our house, to pick up grandson.)
I DID have the suspicion that she was too much in to stepson, and the grandkids, but I trusted stepson that his feelings were NOT romantic or sexual. I mean...that's what he TOLD us.
I have been wondering if I should talk to my husband about what I found out. You've kind of convinced me that I should. Thanks Birdie
This year has been rough in a lot of ways. A whole lot of it has to do with my stepson and his family. Stepson is in his 40's.
Back at Christmas time, my stepson's wife's mother had a heart attack that nearly killed her, and then a month or so after that, had another one and a stroke. It left her very frail. Then in February, her husband died, after being sick for awhile.
Because of my DIL's mother's health concerns, Stepson and family pack up their home, and move in with DIL's mother to help her mother. Family consists of Stepson, wife, 2 of stepson's children, and 2 young cousins-siblings, that stepson and wife are trying to get custody of. These cousins are 7 and 14. They've had a rough life and they both have issues.
This was in March or April I think. They kept their own home. Haven't tried to sell it, rent it, etc.
Having to uproot everyone to care for a sick parent is hard. Why didn't they bring her mother to their house? That would have stopped Christina from moving in.
In the end, your DIL will look like the one at fault if they do get divorced because she willingly moved out of their house. If your stepson is like my last ex, he will use that to his advantage saying she's the one that broke the family up even though she did so to be a good daughter to her mother.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
Back in June, grandson got in some serious trouble, and could not stay in the home, so he came to stay with us. Otherwise, he would've had to go to a group home or stay in Juvie. He was also suspended for a year from school. Him staying with us has not been a major issue. His father has a logistics company, so typically what happens is, I get grandson up in the morning, and then his dad or his mom, or Christina, an employee, comes to pick him up, so that he's not alone in the house during the day. (As everyone in MY house goes to work during the day.) He treats us respectfully for the most part. But the boy has issues. He needs help.
This whole thing has been stressful, although like I said, grandson has been about as good as a teenager can be.
This all has put a strain on stepson's and DIL's marriage. DIL and the cousins are living with DIL's mother, and come to find out, stepson has moved back into the previous home. Grandson has a sentencing hearing next month. Stepson is adamant that he will get grandson, and then he and grandson will move back in together at previous home. (I plan to attend the sentencing hearing. I have a feeling that my husband and I are not getting all the pertinent facts, and I suspect that stepson is 'playing' us in some way.)
Why isn't he doing online school? You can go to that K-12 website to see if he can do online classes. That would be my 1st choice for him and if not online he should be working with his father. I'm sure there's something he could do. My fear is that missing the year of school he will drop out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
So a couple of evenings ago, I get a text from DIL, starting out saying she loves me. I know things have been rocky between her and stepson, but had not communicated with her directly up until this point. I tell her I love her too, and had been thinking about her a lot, with all this crap has been going on.
I'm sure sending that text to you was very hard or she would have told you awhile ago
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
She proceeds to tell me how sad and lonely she is, and how she'd gone over to the house, because she'd been suspicious for awhile, because stepson gave her an STD over the summer, and when she goes to the house, she sees that CHRISTINA'S clothes are in DIL's dresser. Stepson had moved Christina in, back in August. (We, (or maybe just 'I' did not know that Christina was living there. But I don't THINK my husband knows this.)
Stepson has been telling US all along that DIL is being nasty toward Christina and is unnecessarily jealous of Christina, and Christina is just a nice lady that works for him. It would seem that he's been lying to us.
I've met and been around Christina several times. She comes across as a very warm person, and 'seems' to care a lot about the kids. (Reminder, the grandkids.) One of them is a 16 yr. old girl, who apparently thinks Christina is the bomb, and the problematic grandson. I have no idea what he thinks of Christina.
My perception of Christina was that she seemed nice enough, but she seemed TOO...I'm not sure of the word...proprietary maybe, toward the grandkids. It seemed like, to me, that she was TOO wrapped up in their business and issues than she should be, being 'mothery' toward them. And I thought "I think I might agree with DIL that something was up with Christina. Plus...Christina seemed a little too solicitous toward stepson.
Like one time, Stepson, oldest granddaughter, great granddaughter, grandson and Christina is at our house. Stepson falls asleep on the couch, and 16 yr. old granddaughter (who's not at our house) calls because she'd fallen on her scooter, and gotten a little banged up and wanted some consolation from stepson. Stepson sleeps like the dead so he doesn't hear his phone, so Christina answers the phone instead. (I found that a little weird). She tells granddaughter "Your dad is asleep. You know how he is. What's up honey?" And then granddaughter cries and gets her consolation from Christina. I found it suspicious at the time.
At one point, Christina had told me that she was divorced or separated from husband, and has 3 kids. So, I knew she was 'single'. But I had assumed she had her kids. Found out from DIL that Christina has left husband and 3 kids behind, to be closer to stepson. All her kids are grade school age.
I am so angry and so wrung out from all this drama. I'm angry at stepson for lying to us. I'm worried about grandson, I'm sad for DIL, and I don't want Christina in my house ever again. Grown up world is kinda sucking these days.
I'm so sorry for what your family is going thru. There's nothing I despise more then a cheater. My mother cheated on my dad thru the whole marriage. If your stepson wasn't happy with his marriage, he should have separated from your DIL before swimming in Christina's pond. There is no reason for anyone to cheat. If the marriage is bad do something about it before moving on.
Who's kids are they that they're trying to get custody of? Is it step son's side or your DIL's side? Unfortunately those kids will probably suffer the hardest consequences because now there are 2 homes that have failed them. Then there are your 2 grand kids plus Christina's 3 kids. I'll never understand how a woman can just leave her kids like that. It tells you a lot about her character! They're all innocent in this mess that your stepson and Christina have created.
I agree that you need to speak to your husband. He needs to know what's going on with his son. BirdieBelle said stepson wasn't being a good role model and I highly agree. Your husband needs to tell him that his son needs him to be a great role model now more then ever and he needs to break away from Christina to put his focus on his own family before it gets any more broken. This is the time teenagers especially need that good role model; especially your grandson with being in trouble.
Stepson also needs to be checked for other sexually transmitted diseases. Depending on how young Christina is, I also suggest your husband speaks to him about getting a vasectomy because there are enough kids here that will suffer the consequences of stepson and Christina. They sure don't need to bring more innocent kids into it.
The term step when it comes to children is something I do not understand but that is neither here nor there.
Adult step son and his family moved, apparently he may have an affair based on observations by step mom on how someone uses his phone and deals with one of his teenage children. Where is the mother when someone else steps in? Suggestions are to discuss this potential situation with step son's father and bring up a vasectomy as he has enough offspring.
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