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I am looking for some ideas of good, easy and pleasant conversation starters and ideas that my boys and I can use with my mom who is coming to visit this week. Although I talk to her on the phone once a week or every other week we only see her once a year. I feel like I will mostly be fine, but even I have been blindsided by uncomfortable topics or statements. My boys are simply inexperienced with having conversations with older people and I want to guide them and give them help and confidence. I was mostly the same at their ages and I don't recall anyone actually helping me. I did a quick internet search, but the recommendations were more personal than I want to get into.. my mom has always been a private person... so I'm starting to wonder if we should treat this as someone we aren't exactly intimately related to.. like meeting some friend of the family? What kind of questions could my boys (13 and 16) ask to have a nice time with my mom at dinner?
I am looking for some ideas of good, easy and pleasant conversation starters and ideas that my boys and I can use with my mom who is coming to visit this week. Although I talk to her on the phone once a week or every other week we only see her once a year. I feel like I will mostly be fine, but even I have been blindsided by uncomfortable topics or statements. My boys are simply inexperienced with having conversations with older people and I want to guide them and give them help and confidence. I was mostly the same at their ages and I don't recall anyone actually helping me. I did a quick internet search, but the recommendations were more personal than I want to get into.. my mom has always been a private person... so I'm starting to wonder if we should treat this as someone we aren't exactly intimately related to.. like meeting some friend of the family? What kind of questions could my boys (13 and 16) ask to have a nice time with my mom at dinner?
Is the visit a one-time dinner visit, or is she staying with you for multiple days? Are you saying you've been blindsided by uncomfortable topics your mom brought up?
For starters, I wouldn't pressure them to initiate multiple questions with her.
I would take the lead and just make general small talk at first, then if it brings good memories, YOU remind your mom about fun memories from your childhood to make it more relatable to your boys. Then they can ask her questions about those memories, etc.
School is always a good common denominator. They can tell her what they are working on at school and ask her what her school was like.
The main thing I would be careful of is letting your stress about the visit affect them. Try to be as relaxed as possible, with no expectations about their "performance."
I've not met a person who didn't want to be asked about themselves.
So, I'd encourage everyone to ask her about her life. Where did she grow up? Who were her friends? Did she like school? How did she meet your father? What advice would she give your kids? What were her dreams?
Just ask her anything you can think of about her life and her dreams and her advice. That rarely happens nowadays and the vast majority of people in this world want to tell their story or give advice. It makes people feel valued, which is invaluable.
Your kids can always couch everything in that they want to do a family tree, for instance, if it otherwise feels awkward. Then they can ask about each relative. So, maybe have them find a family tree graphic on the internet and print it out and ask her to help them fill it in, and then talk about each relative.
Even if she is private, there should be a way to make her feel valued as far as family history goes. It's possible she had bad relations with some of the family on the family tree, so you don't need to press her on details. But, she will still feel valued if you and the kids are showing interest in her knowledge of the family and her life.
She may be private because some bad things happened to her, so be sensitive to that. In prior generations, people didn't report abuses. So, if she shuts down, it may be because of something bad that she knows about or that happened to her. So, I suggest you just don't pressure her on things she doesn't want to discuss. Just move on to a different relative or just simply ask her if she can please tell you some stories about her life that you don't know about yet.
I think she will love you all for showing interest in her life and her knowledge. I know I would.
This is a strange situation, given you have an existing relationship with your mother, yet at the same time are inquiring from web posters, who don't know your mother, how to make conversation with her. You know her best, so go with what you know. If you're at that much at a loss, just ask her how she is and what she'd like to see during her visit.
This is a strange situation, given you have an existing relationship with your mother, yet at the same time are inquiring from web posters, who don't know your mother, how to make conversation with her. You know her best, so go with what you know. If you're at that much at a loss, just ask her how she is and what she'd like to see during her visit.
See, I disagree. As an ancient woman now, I see that most kids and grandkids are so into themselves that they don't know how to talk to older people, let alone anyone else who isn't into what they're into.
I think the art of truly good conversation is lost and it's so simple. Just ask someone to talk about themselves and look truly interested in the answers. That's really all that's needed. But, most people nowadays don't know that.
Ironically, I learned this from a mother-in-law I couldn't stand. But, in one evening she learned more about my friends than I had in years of knowing them. I asked her how she did that and she said, she simply asked them. So obvious, but it was an epiphany for me.
So, if you're ever at a loss for conversation, just ask the other person about themselves. And act truly interested. You'll learn a lot and they will feel valued. Win win.
The OP isn't a kid, she's a middle-age woman who has existed in the world for enough decades to know how to talk to her own mother, which she said she does on a weekly basis. Children learn by watching their parents interact with others. Children don't need to be conversation starters, it's not an expectation at that age that they figure out how to start and carry a conversation with someone older. They can participate, however.
The OP isn't a kid, she's a middle-age woman who has existed in the world for enough decades to know how to talk to her own mother, which she said she does on a weekly basis. Children learn by watching their parents interact with others. Children don't need to be conversation starters, it's not an expectation at that age that they figure out how to start and carry a conversation with someone older. They can participate, however.
If the OP was asking for help in conversations with her mother, it would be reasonable to assume she needs help in that department, regardless of how long she's existed as a daughter, etc. This thread is for advice on how to talk to her mom, and how to advise the grandkids on how to talk to their grandmother. I don't see berating her on not already knowing the answer is helpful.
The OP isn't a kid, she's a middle-age woman who has existed in the world for enough decades to know how to talk to her own mother, which she said she does on a weekly basis. Children learn by watching their parents interact with others. Children don't need to be conversation starters, it's not an expectation at that age that they figure out how to start and carry a conversation with someone older. They can participate, however.
This is how we learned. We would go to tea at grans house and sit around the tea table listening to the conversation, and now and again be encouraged to participate. As we got older our participation in discussions increased.
This is how we learned. We would go to tea at grans house and sit around the tea table listening to the conversation, and now and again be encouraged to participate. As we got older our participation in discussions increased.
I think this art is being lost, as kids don't seem to sit around and listen anymore - they're all into their phones. And often, their parents are just as bad.
My grandkid is almost 15 and will soon be learning to drive. I wish she would ask me how I learned to drive and what it was like taking my test to get my drivers license; and what car I learned on and what was the first car I owned.
She could also ask me who were my best friends at her age and what kinds of things we did for fun.
She could ask me how I earned spending money, did I have a curfew, how did I stay in touch with my friends without cell phones.... and, as a young teen who has always had access to a computer she could ask me when I became familiar with technology and how it impacted my life.
I think she might be interested in learning how air travel has changed in my lifetime....from making reservations to going thru security. And I’d love to hear about how she feels about air travel and the places she would love to see.
There are so many conversations I’d love to have with my grandchild, but all she wants to do when she visits is bury herself in her iphone and chat with her friends. And her parents are ok with that.
So I commend you for thinking about how to build a bridge between your sons and their grandmother.
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