Non reciprocating acquaintance

[hunterseat]

You're not really into her as a friend. Hubby needs to back the heck down from her.

You both need to recognize her coincidental availability.

[fluffythewondercat]

You wrote:

Every time we make plans with her, I feel used.

But she bought lunch, so it's all hunky-dory. Somehow I don't think this woman is the issue.

Look, I have a turbulent relationship, too. It keeps me financially comfortable, which is my safe space, but doesn't meet some of my other needs. As much as I try to ignore those needs, they keep popping up from time to time. I think that's what's happening with you.

It's OK to feel used. Don't bury your feelings just because you have a sense of gratitude to your husband. He should be grateful you've stuck it out this long. My spouse tried that "You're always wrong, everyone else is right" thing on me early on. I metaphorically kicked him in the butt. Then he went to, "Oh, I don't like to take sides," which is nearly as bad because he's really saying, "I don't want anyone to be mad at me."

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat

Then he went to, "Oh, I don't like to take sides," which is nearly as bad because he's really saying, "I don't want anyone to be mad at me."

Yes, some people have an overriding and unhealthy need to be liked, and they will look to the people over whom they have the most influence (i.e. spouse) with an expectation that they will bend in whatever way necessary in order to make that happen.

It's not love, and it's not sustainable over that decades that many marriages can last.

[TwinbrookNine]

Originally Posted by petsandgardens

She sounds childish.

I use the term "pest." Not all pests are arthropods. More than a few people qualify.

[PamelaIamela]

You may be correct that your husband loves you, but he behaves like he doesn't like you.