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OK. Maybe. But so what? What IS your point? What do you want us to say? Yes, it's strange. And what else...?
My point is I don't like it, but I realize I am the opposite of that behavior. I am direct, very open, and I am not playing around with people like that. If I have something to tell you I tell you, if I don't, I don't tell you.
So I started this thread to see if people thought I was possibly overreacting or if this is strange behavior. At the end of the day I just didn't like it, that's all. He's 40, there't no need to be playing coy on things like that. Because I will say this has made me view him differently and I am the type that I rather question and analyze the situation rather than just acting on what I am feeling, as sometimes what I am feeling can be an overreaction or unreasonable.
I am an extremely analytical person (why I do for a living lol).
He was friend that I originally met because he was a hook up (four years ago). When it happened I felt no chemistry and it was just meh, we didn't do much because I don't think either digged the other too much. That was our very first time we met up. Didn't talk at all after that for a year, but then he reached out to me out of the blue a year later, seeking platonic friendships with other gay guys (he already had a boyfriend by then), and he said he thought I was enjoyable to be around so he thought it wouldn't hurt to befriend me. I am pretty social so I said sure why not, as long as we both are on the same page (platonic) which we were. Again, I have zero interest in him and I felt there was no chemistry ever between us in that way. So that was a few years ago and since then we have been friends totally fine. Never got a feeling or saw signs of his interest in me. He was always into his BF. I have never seen anything that made me think he does have feelings for me.
To your second point, that could be a possibility. He is someone that cannot be single. He is also someone that his ex really treated him like **** at the very end. I was very vocal with him letting him know, that he shouldn't let anyone treat him like that. I was also very vocal in letting him know that he shouldn't rush into anything either. Because a week after he broke up, he started going on dates right away. I told him he should take some time for himself and heal a little. Anyway, perhaps he thought I would be critical (which in my head I would be but I am supportive).
Considering that you did hookup with him prior, since you are not interested in him now, I would avoid bring up dating advice stuff unless he specifically asks you from now on.
He's probably sensitive about how you don't like him in that way and is frustrated about it. He might've gained a real attraction to you because you did give him that kind of advice. That kind of advice does come from a real friend, but it could also come from a quality lover too.
If he talks about dating again, just make it clear that you want to keep things platonic and would rather not hear anything dating related at this point because he can't be open with you about certain things. If he's not okay with that, then move on.
Considering that you did hookup with him prior, since you are not interested in him now, I would avoid bring up dating advice stuff unless he specifically asks you from now on.
He's probably sensitive about how you don't like him in that way and is frustrated about it. He might've gained a real attraction to you because you did give him that kind of advice. That kind of advice does come from a real friend, but it could also come from a quality lover too.
If he talks about dating again, just make it clear that you want to keep things platonic and would rather not hear anything dating related at this point because he can't be open with you about certain things. If he's not okay with that, then move on.
Perhaps. We have never discussed dating, but that's because I truly don't think either is interested in the either, but I don't know.
Many gay people have married before, in fact with at least four people in my own family. I've also had both male and female straight and hetero friends who've gay-cheated on their partner/spouses. Maybe his new beau is still married? That would explain the odd behavior.
People who have a secret have a little bit of social power as long as they can maintain the secret.
You are actually egging your friend on by being so curious. So in future, just say "yeah, OK" and don't ask any more questions about his secret. If he is not getting a rise out of you, he will stop doing it.
You're missing my point. I don't think it's just that, it's the combination of all of them.
For example, when he told me he had good news to tell me then refused to tell me I was like whatever. If that was it, I wouldn't have started a thread. But then when you add on top of that, him being secretive of who he is bringing, then on top of that being weird about a past marriage, then on top not responding to things, it's just weird. It's stupid tbh. Like what's the point?
If he would have been normal about the everything else, but secretive about his past marriage, I wouldn't really care. But when he is acting weird after one thing, after another after another, it's strange behavior.
I'm thinking the date that your friend brought to the meeting is your friend's ex-husband from his past marriage that you hadn't know about, and now the two of them are back together again. Maybe they even secretly got married again. I think that's probably the mysterious "good news" he hinted about, but then for some reason he got cold feet about telling you the whole story through texting (I wouldn't communicate that kind of news through texting either). He wanted to wait until he could meet with you face to face to talk in a normal manner at a more appropriate time and place and tell you about it then. At the meeting the fact that there was another person there who is a stranger to him (your other completely separate friend) made that meeting an inappropriate time and place to talk about his personal marital history but he still wanted you and his date (husband?) to meet each other so you could both size each other up and see if you approve of each other as friends.
Yeah, I think he was being weird and playing at being all coy and mysterious and stringing you along and basically acting like a teenie bopper with a secret new boy toy (and you took his bait and got all curious about it) but if it was me in your shoes I'd just let it go and stop questioning any of whatever is going on in your friend's head and in his life. It sounds like even his date got confused about what your friend didn't want him to talk about. The next time you hear from him don't interrogate him with any more questions and if he starts hinting around and doing the mystery cat-and-mouse head games thing with you again instead of being straight up front then just demonstrate a lack of interest and change the subject to something completely neutral and impersonal.
That kind of Mysterious Drama Queen stuff that he's playing at is really irritating and immature.
I'm thinking the date that your friend brought to the meeting is your friend's ex-husband from his past marriage that you hadn't know about, and now the two of them are back together again. Maybe they even secretly got married again. I think that's probably the mysterious "good news" he hinted about, but then for some reason he got cold feet about telling you the whole story through texting (I wouldn't communicate that kind of news through texting either). He wanted to wait until he could meet with you face to face to talk in a normal manner at a more appropriate time and place and tell you about it then. At the meeting the fact that there was another person there who is a stranger to him (your other completely separate friend) made that meeting an inappropriate time and place to talk about his personal marital history but he still wanted you and his date (husband?) to meet each other so you could both size each other up and see if you approve of each other as friends.
Yeah, I think he was being weird and playing at being all coy and mysterious and stringing you along and basically acting like a teenie bopper with a secret new boy toy (and you took his bait and got all curious about it) but if it was me in your shoes I'd just let it go and stop questioning any of whatever is going on in your friend's head and in his life. It sounds like even his date got confused about what your friend didn't want him to talk about. The next time you hear from him don't interrogate him with any more questions and if he starts hinting around and doing the mystery cat-and-mouse head games thing with you again instead of being straight up front then just demonstrate a lack of interest and change the subject to something completely neutral and impersonal.
That kind of Mysterious Drama Queen stuff that he's playing at is really irritating and immature.
.
Not it's not. My friend moved from another country four years ago to here, and had never lived in the US before. His boyfriend is from California, born and raised and moved to our city 2 years ago. So definitely they weren't married in the past. If anything MAYBE he was married to his ex that cheated on him.
But yes it's annoying.
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