Doubting my friendships

[MarshaBrady1968]

I posted an almost identical thread about 3 months ago and was torn down pretty badly by some. Others did give some more caring advice, although I had already tried most of it.

I am older, but around your age, I actually did step away from friends of high school and college. My friends would call on occasion just to see how I was doing, but years would evaporate in between. I made other friends with interests closer to mine during that time period. I am currently back amongst the old friends from childhood, though I have very little in common with most of them. The friends I made in my 20's and 30's except 2 all disappeared, though I have tried.

I am still hopeful, and still try all the time to make new friends, but so far, nothing has gone the way I envisioned it.

The unfortunate conclusion I have come to is that I have to just do things by myself most of the time. I am definitely NOT an introvert at all, and so this does not sit well with me, but if you can find a way to enjoy doing things alone, this may be the way to go.

No one seems to know how to have a friend nor be a friend anymore.

I don't think this is helpful to you at all, and I am sorry, but I guess I am trying to say "you're not the only one, and I understand!"

[throway]

Thanks all - good hearing everyone's viewpoint and just need to talk this out, since i have no one to talk to about this.
yes, i am in my 30's and probably just going through a mid life crisis of figuring out what to do for the rest of my life and too self conscious. i probably wouldn't cut any of them out as they havent done anything wrong to me, and its difficult enough for me to make new friends. we're all working professionals, no one is a bad influence ; its just my personality is quite different from them since i am more reserved than the others.

i think i just really need to preoccupy myself with something to keep myself busy(gf,hobby,career,highereducation,etc..), so i can push these thoughts to the back of my mind.

[bobspez]

Friends are usually situational. When you are single it's easy to make friends at work or school to hang out with or go out with regularly, as neither of you have anything better to do. When those situations end, the friendships almost always, with few exceptions, evaporate. I maintain friendships even if there is not much contact. I have one friend I talk to on the phone every one to two weeks. One I talk to on the phone once a month or so. Some every few months by phone or email. A cousin I exchange emails with once a week or so. One couple we get together with over the holidays. I don't have enough friends I can afford to discard any. I try to keep in touch unless it feels like the rapport is truly gone.

I don't think it makes sense to measure what you do or don't bring to the group or whether your relationships are improving or not, or whether you are acting normal. These people probably know you better than you know yourself. Just enjoy the company, the conversations, the companionship. Loosen up and go with the flow.

[veuvegirl]

OP everything you wrote is your perception of yourself. Your friends wouldn’t keep inviting you of they didn’t want you to come, if they didn’t find you interesting, if they thought you were boring.

Please work on your self-worth, you are fun to be around, their repeated invites prove it.

[Nov3]

Last time I checked , my friends "wedding" bands didn't entitle me to treat them anything less then the individual they are. Reckon I don't get uncomfortable with "couples" since I am usually listening to one conversation at a time and rarely see folks joined at the hip. She is she and He is He. People have minds of their own (shocking eh?)

I sense that OP , you need to re- invent a new way to interact with individuals. I happen to have an introvert son and he'd think nothing of staying on the side lines of life and not Contribute to Group gatherings. Luckily his strength is more on the listening side and giving tid bits of knowledge to keep conversations moving. His two cents are actually golden at times. Sometimes his one liner observations have the group howling. Never under estimate what a few words or deeds can bring to a group.

[Drkness]

Hate to say it but it sounds like maybe you and your friend have grown apart, Your best bet is to find people who share common interests with.