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Personally, I think that people who won't pay their debts deserve some judgment.
To be sure, this may not apply to the OP's brother and SIL.
Exactly.
If this matter was merely about whether the OP should notify her brother and SIL/tenants, then she would not have included all the other prejudicial info about the SIL's lifestyle choices. It's inflammatory, and it's sure to get those wags here to weigh in with THEIR opinions, based on pure speculation and a desire to feel superior.
But the fact that the OP DID include the extra info is revealing.
If this matter was merely about whether the OP should notify her brother and SIL/tenants, then she would not have included all the other prejudicial info about the SIL's lifestyle choices. It's inflammatory, and it's sure to get those wags here to weigh in with THEIR opinions, based on pure speculation and a desire to feel superior.
But the fact that the OP DID include the extra info is revealing.
Very likely the debt collection agency called your husband because their research shows the family relationship. They do call family, friends, neighbors, etc. to gain access to the debtor to collect debt.
I would ABSOLUTELY tell your brother that you got a call about his wifes debt. He deserves to know that she has debt that is unpaid.
DO NOT offer to pay any of her debt. That is just enabling her to continue to sit around doing nothing when she needs to get a job and pay her debt.
FYI - I have a friend that found out her husband was a compulsive gambler. She found out when one of her family members got a call from a debt collection agency. Thankfully, the family member told her or it could have gotten much worse.
I can promise you if they’ve called your husband (the LL, brother-in-law,) they’ve probably called her husband and he knows.
Stay out of it.
Thank you! As the OP has repeatedly stated, this is a good marriage of 20+ years. I still don't understand why people assume the brother has no idea there is student loan debt. There is not a single shred of evidence for this, except the OP's speculations.
Because of course the answer isn't to expect that men do more around the house or anything so women don't still have to do it all after coming home from a full day of work at the office...
FWIW, I don't know that it's "considered part and parcel of being a wife," but it might be considered part and parcel of being an adult to be able to support yourself financially, at least if there may be an issue with paying the bills otherwise. If she was working and he wasn't and there were financial difficulties, I'm sure we'd expect him to go out and get a job too. But yes, we could just as easily suggest the husband gets a better-paying job if he wants his wife not to have to work. (OP is so worried about his finances, but presumably if this was also a concern of his, he'd request the wife get a job. He's not exactly a powerless victim here. I assume she did not just quit her job one day and came home and say “ well, I am not working anymore, you just support me” and he's been protesting since then but she holds firm. Even if that is the case, it's still his problem, and not OP's unless he brings it up first.)
The OP mentioned that the SIL “ wears pants” in that marriage.
Would be nice if the OP would come back. She hasn't replied in days but at least she was logging in. Last Activity: 11-03-2019 10:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
That is an incredibly over-the-top interpretation. It means no such thing. It is the simple reporting of a fact that a debt collector called the OP looking for information on her SIL.
Based on the original post, the OP does not have any indication that her brother is either aware or not aware of what is going on.
However, what any reasonable person will glean from this is that the debt collector is resorting to calling family members (And possibly neighbors) in order to enlist support. This means that things have reached an advanced state in the collections process. When I was called about my neighbor's debt, the tow truck showed up a few nights later and towed away their Mercedes.
In turn, this means that we're getting beyond a case of mild embarrassment. This could mean really dire things beginning to happen such as repo men towing away cars or foreclosure proceedings. At that point, if the brother is truly unaware, then he will have been caught flat-footed by his wife's hiding matters.
There are two scenarios that are most likely here:
1) Sister reports the collection call to the brother. The brother, made aware of the collection efforts by his wife, shrugs and either talks about it or doesn't. In which case, he isn't going to be mad at the sister for mentioning the call with a vow to keep it under wraps.
2) Sister reports the collection call to the brother. The brother, completely in the dark about what has been going on, realizes that some serious stuff has been hidden from him.
If the brother had no idea this was going on and later learns that the sister knew something about it and didn't mention the call to him, the damage is far, far greater. If I were the brother in that kind of scenario, I would be almost as ticked at the sister as I would be at my wife.
In either situation, the time for saving face is long past. And in those situations, blood is thicker than water.
Agree 100% that it could cause serious serious damage to their relationship. Maybe he doesn't know his wife stopped paying her student loan
Quote:
Originally Posted by JONOV
I can promise you if they’ve called your husband (the LL, brother-in-law,) they’ve probably called her husband and he knows.
Stay out of it.
I'm sure the debt collector called the SIL and OP's brother without luck. Her brother probably didn't pick the call up which is why they reached out to the OP.
My brother's wife (now ex for this reason) ran up debts behind my brother's back, causing them to get so far in debt ($100k) that they ended up having to mortgage a home they owned free and clear, and then she did it again and they had to file bankruptcy. If it was my brother and I knew, I would tell him. As a married couple he is also responsible for debts incurred during the marriage, and possibly even for some from before the marriage. If she is not paying the way she agreed, he may not know that.
My vote is for you to tell him discreetly when the wife isn't around, then let them deal with it on their own. Stay out of other people's money issues, but let him know in case she's hiding it from him. He may say that he knows already, so once you've told him, butt out unless he asks for help.
An excellent point!
It is not about the OP judging her SIL “life choices as a starving artist”- it is her observation- or meddling in her brother’s marriage or finances
The OP got a warning and wants to make sure that her brother (already being helped by OP) is aware and is taking care of things.
If the OP would not care about her brother- she most likely would not even be asking this thread’s question: just do what a majority is saying - she would stay out.
That is the main difference- the OP is a caring sister.
Another issues for OP is she is selling her car to a brother’s family
We don’t know about their financial arrangement- the OP could be out of money if she trust them to pay monthly on their word alone...
Would be nice if the OP would come back. She hasn't replied in days but at least she was logging in.
Would you come back for another big helping of abuse if you were the OP?
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