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You seem jealous that your sister in law has a fun, fulfilling job and you don't. If they are not complaining about or asking for money, stay out of it. You have no idea what agreements and concessions they have made in their marriage.
As someone wise once said, stop counting other people's money.
To set the record straight, I am the FURTHEST thing from jealous of my SIL's situation. I'd much rather have my career and not have to worry about paying bills and dealing with debt versus having a fun job and being in a more tenuous financial situation. But different priorities for different people I suppose. Since they are my tenants too, their debt could impact their ability to pay on the property they rent from us which does become my money problem (and I would never kick my brother out).
Quote:
Originally Posted by ddm2k
Not sure what your train of thought is behind helping, but I beg of you one thing: If you are thinking of paying it just to get the calls to stop, you're:
1. Giving the collection companies what they want (and this may not be the only account that's behind - it may not stop all calls)
2. Paying a debt that's not yours
3. May be enabling and validating further indebtedness
4. Setting up a really awkward relationship where they now expect you to help
Offer to assess first, then educate. Do they intend to one day pay it, or does it not look like they will be able to begin paying on it in the foreseeable future? Are they willing to phone the company and make payment arrangements?
If not willing to, or unable to pay, offer to show them how to pull credit reports and see where this debt stands: Still w/ orig creditor (rights to collect) or with a 3rd party (no right to collect). If the latter, they could benefit w/ Lexington Law or similar services to wipe it out and stop the calls.
Thanks for the advice. Since it is student debt it will probably be harder (if not impossible) to discharge. My train of thought is I don't want to see my brother suffer as a result of his wife's choices, but at the same time I don't want to overstep my boundaries. Debt collection firms are only allowed to call third-parties once so I doubt we'll get another call.
Sounds like the consensus on the board is to stick with my instincts and keep my mouth shut. It's an ethical dilemma for me, but I'll only step in if asked. I read once that if you loan money to family or friends, do so without the expectation of setting terms (such as getting a better job) and not expecting to get paid back (i.e. don't get annoyed if the borrower takes a vacation instead of paying back). Although education / credit counseling would be a must if I were to get involved.
Some of these debt collectors are crazy with their investigations. A few months back I received a similar call (well, a voicemail; I didn't pick up) from a collector that was looking for information on a roommate of mine from about 20 years ago.
I get calls for my sister all the time - for the past 20+ years. Sad, that she is almost 60, and still can't pay her bills.
There are reports you can run on anyone - it lists the names and addresses/ph numbers of relatives on the report
I get calls for my sister all the time - for the past 20+ years. Sad, that she is almost 60, and still can't pay her bills.
There are reports you can run on anyone - it lists the names and addresses/ph numbers of relatives on the report
I wonder if the debt collector (excuse me, when I called they corrected me that they are a credit recovery agency) is contacting people in her life to embarrass her. Her cell phone and address are available on her business website which is one of the first hits upon googling her, so she's not hard to find.
Debt collection firms are only allowed to call third-parties once so I doubt we'll get another call.
And the only reason you know about the debt is because you happen to be their landlord.
You didn't emphasize that in your OP, though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cubicle Dweller
Although education / credit counseling would be a must if I were to get involved.
The thing is ... your post is FULL of judgments about them and their choices, or at least HER choices; zentropa wasn't too far off. You don't sound jealous. You sound self-righteous. Whether you meant to or not, you've written your post to show that you work a "real" job and do you "hobbies" on the side, presumably like smart people should, whereas she is pursuing a silly artsy fartsy dream for which she - tsk tsk - STILL owes student loans.
This is an easy "dilemma." Think about it this way: If you were renting a house, and your (non-family) landlord got a call from a collections agency asking about your debt, do you think s/he would come to you with an offer of financial education and assistance?
Try to keep it professional rather than personal. That's the more "fortunate position" in this situation.
I don't want to know anyone else's financial business. I wouldn't have done the extra googling to try to figure out the call. There are strict rules as to what they're allowed to do, to prevent someone's private financial business to be disclosed to others. I'd walk away. You gave her the contact info. That's all that was requested.
To set the record straight, I am the FURTHEST thing from jealous of my SIL's situation. I'd much rather have my career and not have to worry about paying bills and dealing with debt versus having a fun job and being in a more tenuous financial situation. But different priorities for different people I suppose. Since they are my tenants too, their debt could impact their ability to pay on the property they rent from us which does become my money problem (and I would never kick my brother out).
Thanks for the advice. Since it is student debt it will probably be harder (if not impossible) to discharge. My train of thought is I don't want to see my brother suffer as a result of his wife's choices, but at the same time I don't want to overstep my boundaries. Debt collection firms are only allowed to call third-parties once so I doubt we'll get another call.
Sounds like the consensus on the board is to stick with my instincts and keep my mouth shut. It's an ethical dilemma for me, but I'll only step in if asked. I read once that if you loan money to family or friends, do so without the expectation of setting terms (such as getting a better job) and not expecting to get paid back (i.e. don't get annoyed if the borrower takes a vacation instead of paying back). Although education / credit counseling would be a must if I were to get involved.
You deserve credit for wanting to help out. I understand your attitude about working hard and making sacrifices so you don't want to see your financial assistance squandered and then you are still left with worrying about your brother's financial situation.
It appears that you and your SIL have very different attitudes about money management and perhaps ethical issues about defaulting on debt obligations. Giving financial assistance with any conditions will probably end up causing a riff. Even if she initially agrees, there is no guarantee that she will follow through and she and your brother will probably resent you for it. You don't want to see your brother suffer as a result of her choices but maybe he is okay with her choices. Even if he isn't, they should be working it out without your involvement.
Unless you are okay with giving financial assistance with the hope they use it to payoff their debt and no expectation of repayment, stay out of it.
And the only reason you know about the debt is because you happen to be their landlord.
You didn't emphasize that in your OP, though.
The thing is ... your post is FULL of judgments about them and their choices, or at least HER choices; zentropa wasn't too far off. You don't sound jealous. You sound self-righteous. Whether you meant to or not, you've written your post to show that you work a "real" job and do you "hobbies" on the side, presumably like smart people should, whereas she is pursuing a silly artsy fartsy dream for which she - tsk tsk - STILL owes student loans.
If you live a lifestyle that you cant afford, is that not worthy of judgment? How low should we set the bar for the average person? Shouldn't we expect more from each other? Nothing wrong with making career decisions to follow your passions, that by itself is not worthy of judgment, but not paying your bills in a reasonable amount of time crosses the line into questionable behavior. Things happen in life that are out of our control that often put is in a precarious position financially, that doesn't seem to be the issue in this situation as described by the OP.
You make it sound like this is brand new debt. It's 20 years old.
Why are you acting like suddenly they are at risk of not paying their rent? Nothing's changed. And you never mentioned them not paying their rent before.
And FYI, your true feelings about your SIL's profession are on full display right here:
Quote:
in all fairness his wife needs to get a real J.O.B. Her fun “job” in the arts clearly isn’t paying the bills. My husband and I work non-fun corporate IT jobs so we can live comfortably and we enjoy our hobbies when we’re not working. I don’t want to help them out if she still refuses to face reality
I happen to believe that the world needs artists, even starving ones. We have enough cubicle dwellers.
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