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It's easy to bully and provoke someone, then turn around and act like a victim when they put their foot down in defense.
A coworker spends weeks insulting you and/or discrediting your work, making you look like an employee that needs to be fired. You stand up to the coworker in defense-- either calmly, sternly with your chest out, or you really chew them out-- no matter what, the coworker pulls the violence card and acts intimidated, further harming your career.
I've been in a number of similar situations, at times my supervisor witnessed the abuse, then I was treated as a threatening person when I verbally confronted the bully. Then I'm branded as violent or unstable, while the one who instigated everything gets away clean.
Think of what allegedly happened to Terry Crews. Is he trapped in a no-win situation where his retaliation seriously harms his entertainment career and livelihood, or he's forced to stand there and do nothing?
Is there another way? Or is that just the way of the world now?
Maybe, just maybe, you need to gain some more tools in your arsenal.
I've only briefly skimmed those threads, but it seems that the OP has difficulty with social interactions - expressing himself and interpreting others. He may also be struggling with PTSD.
IMO, the OP needs professional help. But, yeah, he's the common denominator.
I registered on this forum for an "anonymous" outlet to vent, and maybe even get an answer beyond the usual Internet drive-by comment.
There was a recent video of a whistleblower for a tech company, and one of the threats that he anticipated was the company branding him as having mental issues, or anything else to discredit the whistleblower.
I'm just an regular guy, not suggesting I'm a whistleblower or anything. But there's a public bias toward the institutions and against the outlier, as though everyone has noble intentions, while the one pointing out that there's something wrong is subjected to the most scrutiny.
While some recent "movements" on social media amount to nothing but mean-spirited witch hunts, I understand why the Internet is being used for alternate forms of justice, when the establishment protects institutions and people in power, and the public usually sides with the familiar institution or public figure.
I registered on this forum for an "anonymous" outlet to vent, and maybe even get an answer beyond the usual Internet drive-by comment. But I'm losing hope honestly.
There was a recent video of a whistleblower for a tech company, and one of the threats that he anticipated was the company branding him as having mental issues, or anything else to discredit the whistleblower.
I'm just an regular guy, not suggesting I'm a whistleblower or anything. But there's a public bias toward the institutions and against the outlier, as though everyone has noble intentions, while the one pointing out that there's something wrong is subjected to the most scrutiny.
While some recent "movements" on social media amount to nothing but mean-spirited witch hunts, I understand why the Internet is being used for alternate forms of justice, when the establishment protects institutions and people in power, and the public usually sides with the familiar institution or public figure.
You just need to talk in specifics and not these supposedly noble generalities.
And at some point you HAVE to consider that everybody else can't be crazy. Sometimes it IS you.
Just spell out what is going on so we can be helpful. Right now the manifesto method isn't helping.
I registered on this forum for an "anonymous" outlet to vent, and maybe even get an answer beyond the usual Internet drive-by comment. But I'm losing hope honestly.
There was a recent video of a whistleblower for a tech company, and one of the threats that he anticipated was the company branding him as having mental issues, or anything else to discredit the whistleblower.
I'm just an regular guy, not suggesting I'm a whistleblower or anything. But there's a public bias toward the institutions and against the outlier, as though everyone has noble intentions, while the one pointing out that there's something wrong is subjected to the most scrutiny.
While some recent "movements" on social media amount to nothing but mean-spirited witch hunts, I understand why the Internet is being used for alternate forms of justice, when the establishment protects institutions and people in power, and the public usually sides with the familiar institution or public figure.
I noticed though you ignored the central questions which is your "possible" lack of social skills, and specificity. Like what type of job situation, and what was were the insults, what did you say etc. Why do you think you keep having this problem in every places you work?
I noticed though you ignored the central questions which is your "possible" lack of social skills, and specificity. Like what type of job situation, and what was were the insults, what did you say etc. Why do you think you keep having this problem in every places you work?
I'm not doing anything wrong, that's the problem. I grew up in a religious household, I was overseas in the military for well over a decade, so it's physically impossible for me to do anything directly to anyone in that window of time. I don't have so much as a parking ticket, never mind a criminal record. Why is that threatening to anyone?
The only thing I can point to is my gender, physical stature or race. But those same types of people treat me the same way. So I can only guess that it's a cultural issue.
What specifically are all of you asking me? I noticed that my posting history was mined. Is there a specific question you have that I can address?
What specifically are all of you asking me? I noticed that my posting history was mined. Is there a specific question you have that I can address?
Start with these:
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Why are you confronting instead of taking the documented issue up the chain in a calm, practical manner?
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
Is this all with the same person or different ones?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim in FL
What did you say that was threatening?
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
Please tell us what you said specifically and to whom.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hertfordshire
Or how did you say it? Were you moving closer and closer to them? Were you standing close to them at all? Were you pointing or gesturing toward them? Were you standing over them?
NC17, I don't know any specific details about your circumstances so I cannot tell who is in the right and who is in the wrong, but I can advise you at least a bit on the best way to handle things. Two points, first of all, if there is an issue with management, keep in mind that the role of management is to manage, guide, coach, and if needed, criticize, correct, discipline, and fire. Sometimes managers do a good job with this, sometimes it's mediocre, and sometimes it's downright terrible.
The best way to diffuse ongoing power struggles or issues with management (if the managers are rational) is to listen to their suggestions and follow their directives. You may not agree with them or think like they do, but if management is incorrect in their suggestions or their vision of how things should be done, that is not your issue, that is the issue of upper management for not keeping an eye on this. Keep in mind also that if you do not agree with them, that doesn't necessarily mean that they are wrong, it just means that they see things through a different lens because of their past experiences.
If management is being outright abusive, then your best recourse is to still follow directives, and try resolving differences with the individual manager. If it continues, begin communicating with that manager over e-mail and keep copies of communication. If the abuse is cultural (all upper and middle management are abusive to underlings) then document everything, and consider if you want to stay there. Just remember that there is such thing as a hostile work environment.
In terms of colleagues, coworkers, customers, and those subordinate to you, do not ever yell, raise your voice, or lose your emotional control when dealing with these people. Whether you are in the right or not, you will never be respected or heard if this is the way you deal with things. A man or woman who understands their own boundaries and communicates with others in a calm demeanor will always be looked at as being in control of themselves-and the situation. Once you lose control of your emotions, lose your temper, etc., you will not be able to rationally solve typical workplace issues with the requisite social appropriateness, and the outcome will not be constructive. Remember that you can be assertive with calmness, respect, and a smile, it just takes practice. It's something that we're not born with, we need to roleplay and learn it through experience as we go.
Is this all with the same person or different ones?
The three major incidents have come from my last military assignment (that was the worst experience), my most recent job (my first job after the military was mostly pleasant and free of conflict, for a number of reasons. The worst thing that happened was being laid off due to automation), and meeting my father's side of the family.
What did you say that was threatening?
Nothing. Don't call me a liar, I could be lying about all of this. Just for the sake of argument, imagine that I'm standing or sitting straight and not doing anything to provoke anyone.
Please tell us what you said specifically and to whom.
Mostly I'm standing still minding my own business, and people run away or make other behavior that suggests they want to make me look like I'm doing something to them. It's scary to me because I don't want trouble, and if not for their antics I wouldn't even notice them.
Or how did you say it? Were you moving closer and closer to them? Were you standing close to them at all? Were you pointing or gesturing toward them? Were you standing over them?
I don't really talk a lot, especially when I'm being bullied, because of how easy it is to change the meaning of my words.
What kind of hellhole workplace is this???
It's every day life for me for the past 10 or so years. I've lived in a lot of places, so it's not one state or country. I can just say that I've had the most problems with Americans.
Saying "it's all your fault" and "the only common denominator" doesn't help, especially since I'm wondering what the problem is instead of acting like everything is normal. But by all means, make your comments.
Like one of my threads on this forum says, I talked to counselors about this, and it was a big ripoff and a joke to them. So that "hellhole" just is what it is. I just don't understand why I should I have my life ruined over it.
In one incident in the military, an officer in the organization I worked for claimed I was sleeping my car, and ordered me to get a psych evaluation. I was agitated because I was trapped in an situation where I'm being harassed and nobody is taking my side. How well would anyone else hold up with a fake allegation like that? But that was enough for the doctor to write a memo that I was unstable. I wish there was recourse or legal action I can take. It was a complete lie that ended my career, a bunch of adults putting a Kick Me sign on my back.
In one incident in the military, an officer in the organization I worked for claimed I was sleeping my car, and ordered me to get a psych evaluation. I was agitated because I was trapped in an situation where I'm being harassed and nobody is taking my side. How well would anyone else hold up with a fake allegation like that? But that was enough for the doctor to claim that I was unstable. I wish there was recourse or legal action I can take. It was a complete lie that ended my career, a bunch of adults putting a Kick Me sign on my back.
Were you sleeping in your car?
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