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I was invited to a Thanksgiving dinner at a neighbor's house and I accepted.
I was then invited to another neighbor's Thanksgiving dinner, and that invitation I obviously declined citing the previous obligation.
According to etiquette authority, Miss Manners, the only time you can break an engagement for a later invitation is when it is to dine with the President.
At this point, I won't change anything because everyone has been given his RSVPs, but I want your opinions on the situation because there is more to it.
The possible conundrum arises because the person who offered the 2nd invitation is seriously ill, and this might be her last Thanksgiving. In fact in a slightly earlier conversation, we had discussed a Christmas event, but there was concern that might not be possible due to a decline in health (either from treatment or untreatability; the specifics were left unsaid). So while I know the health situation is serious, I do not know for certain that she is nearing the end, be it 3, 6 or 9 months, or several years if things turn out well. Alternatively, it could be that the Thanksgiving event versus Christmas is being driven by a suddenly worsening health situation. I just don't know, and it would be rude to pry.
In your views, would reversing my acceptance of the previously given invitation have been acceptable given the situation? Would knowing for certain have made it acceptable?
I don't think this has an absolute answer, but still, what do you all think?
I was invited to a Thanksgiving dinner at a neighbor's house and I accepted.
I was then invited to another neighbor's Thanksgiving dinner, and that invitation I obviously declined citing the previous obligation.
According to etiquette authority, Miss Manners, the only time you can break an engagement for a later invitation is when it is to dine with the President.
At this point, I won't change anything because everyone has been given his RSVPs, but I want your opinions on the situation because there is more to it.
The possible conundrum arises because the person who offered the 2nd invitation is seriously ill, and this might be her last Thanksgiving. In fact in a slightly earlier conversation, we had discussed a Christmas event, but there was concern that might not be possible due to a decline in health (either from treatment or untreatability; the specifics were left unsaid). So while I know the health situation is serious, I do not know for certain that she is nearing the end, be it 3, 6 or 9 months, or several years if things turn out well. Alternatively, it could be that the Thanksgiving event versus Christmas is being driven by a suddenly worsening health situation. I just don't know, and it would be rude to pry.
In your views, would reversing my acceptance of the previously given invitation have been acceptable given the situation? Would knowing for certain have made it acceptable?
I don't think this has an absolute answer, but still, what do you all think?
I agree with not changing your plans for the previous engagement...it might upset their meal arrangements. I would also tell the second dinner host I already had other plans, but suggest a visit with them another time soon, maybe offering to bring lunch or a special treat along.
If I was the person who first invited you, and you explained to me what you just posted, I would absolutely not mind if you changed your plans. I would probably encourage you to visit with your ailing friend.
"Unfortunately, I already have plans for Thanksgiving dinner, but could I come by later in the evening with a pumpkin pie? I'd love to spend some time with you."
Leave things as they are, attend the first dinner, and go see your other neighbor on another day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hertfordshire
"Unfortunately, I already have plans for Thanksgiving dinner, but could I come by later in the evening with a pumpkin pie? I'd love to spend some time with you."
"Unfortunately, I already have plans for Thanksgiving dinner, but could I come by later in the evening with a pumpkin pie? I'd love to spend some time with you."
I like this, or just take your neighbor out to to eat another day so you'd get one on one time that you won't get on Thanksgiving day.
If I was the person who first invited you, and you explained to me what you just posted, I would absolutely not mind if you changed your plans. I would probably encourage you to visit with your ailing friend.
"I already have dinner plans for Thanksgiving. How about we meet for lunch on Friday? .
Last edited by Miss Blue; 11-25-2019 at 05:08 AM..
Reason: rude
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