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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 10 days ago)
35,637 posts, read 17,989,189 times
Reputation: 50678
What would you say, in your apology?
"I'm sorry I suggested Miriam has asperger's, as I've gotten to know her I realize nothing could be further from the truth".
OR
"I'm sorry I brought up Miriam's Asperger's symptoms to you. Surely you realized she has those characteristics and I didn't need to bring it up, particularly on a first meeting with you".
Out of curiosity, is the "friend" with Aspergers you? The lack of understanding of social cues you demonstrated through every level of interaction with both Miriam and her mom, and continuing on through wanting to apologize, indicates you may have social challenges as well.
It's never appropriate to hypothesize on an adult's diagnosis with their parents.
Out of curiosity, is the "friend" with Aspergers you? The lack of understanding of social cues you demonstrated through every level of interaction with both Miriam and her mom, and continuing on through wanting to apologize, indicates you may have social challenges as well.
Agree. The entire conversation was simply odd OP. Looking at the situation again, I would do nothing and hope she has forgotten all about it.
Two years ago, I met a girl at math class in college--I'll refer to her as Miriam (not her real name). We became friends. I noticed that she acted just like my friends with Asperger's. After a few months, I decided to introduce myself to her mom. I said that I had several friends with Asperger's, and Miriam reminds me of them. I asked if Miriam had Asperger's. After a long awkward silence, and Miriam seeming rather embarrassed, her mom said, "oh, I think she's doing fine," declining to comment any further. I also invited Miriam to visit my church (I'm an Evangelical Protestant), after which her mom said they go to Catholic Mass every Sunday, and would have to "discuss this with Miriam." I then asked what her name was. She seemed a bit annoyed, and simply said "Mrs. Smith" (not her real last name).
Thankfully, Miriam quickly forgave me for my faux pas, although she said her mom thought that my questions were rude. She explained that her mom thought my invitation to my church was rude as they believed Catholicism and Evangelical Christianity were basically the same thing. Also, she explained that people our age called her mom Mrs. Smith.
Miriam and I are friends on Facebook. But other than that one encounter with her mom, I haven't met any of her family. Occasionally Miriam's mom posts on Miriam's Facebook.
Should I apologize to her mom in a Facebook message? A facebook message would only be seen by her mom and I. Her mom is not friends with me on Facebook, though. Do you think she would be annoyed with me sending a Facebook message to her as an apology? Or would she not care and have no reaction to it? Or would she be glad that I apologized to her?
She would be like what in the actual f? first encounter weird and rude and then a random message all this time later.
Out of curiosity, is the "friend" with Aspergers you? The lack of understanding of social cues you demonstrated through every level of interaction with both Miriam and her mom, and continuing on through wanting to apologize, indicates you may have social challenges as well.
It's never appropriate to hypothesize on an adult's diagnosis with their parents.
Is it appropriate for you to suggest that the OP has social challenges?
IMO, from what I can tell, it seems like you know what you did, but you don't necessarily understand why it was wrong. If you don't understand why it was wrong, I'm not sure you should be apologizing.
But on the other hand, clearly it bothers you, otherwise you wouldn't be posting about it. What, EXACTLY is it you want to apologize FOR?
Two years ago, I met a girl at math class in college--I'll refer to her as Miriam (not her real name). We became friends. I noticed that she acted just like my friends with Asperger's. After a few months, I decided to introduce myself to her mom. I said that I had several friends with Asperger's, and Miriam reminds me of them. I asked if Miriam had Asperger's. After a long awkward silence, and Miriam seeming rather embarrassed, her mom said, "oh, I think she's doing fine," declining to comment any further. I also invited Miriam to visit my church (I'm an Evangelical Protestant), after which her mom said they go to Catholic Mass every Sunday, and would have to "discuss this with Miriam." I then asked what her name was. She seemed a bit annoyed, and simply said "Mrs. Smith" (not her real last name).
Thankfully, Miriam quickly forgave me for my faux pas, although she said her mom thought that my questions were rude. She explained that her mom thought my invitation to my church was rude as they believed Catholicism and Evangelical Christianity were basically the same thing. Also, she explained that people our age called her mom Mrs. Smith.
Miriam and I are friends on Facebook. But other than that one encounter with her mom, I haven't met any of her family. Occasionally Miriam's mom posts on Miriam's Facebook.
Should I apologize to her mom in a Facebook message? A facebook message would only be seen by her mom and I. Her mom is not friends with me on Facebook, though. Do you think she would be annoyed with me sending a Facebook message to her as an apology? Or would she not care and have no reaction to it? Or would she be glad that I apologized to her?
I think your poll answers suck. I vote you do nothing because it's 2 years ago. What you did was inappropriate and to say something now would be even more so.
It sounds like you embarrassed her mother, who clearly seems in denial that her daughter isn't quite normal.
Let it go and don't contact her.
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