Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Two years ago, I met a girl at math class in college--I'll refer to her as Miriam (not her real name). We became friends. I noticed that she acted just like my friends with Asperger's. After a few months, I decided to introduce myself to her mom. I said that I had several friends with Asperger's, and Miriam reminds me of them. I asked if Miriam had Asperger's. After a long awkward silence, and Miriam seeming rather embarrassed, her mom said, "oh, I think she's doing fine," declining to comment any further. I also invited Miriam to visit my church (I'm an Evangelical Protestant), after which her mom said they go to Catholic Mass every Sunday, and would have to "discuss this with Miriam." I then asked what her name was. She seemed a bit annoyed, and simply said "Mrs. Smith" (not her real last name).
Thankfully, Miriam quickly forgave me for my faux pas, although she said her mom thought that my questions were rude. She explained that her mom thought my invitation to my church was rude as they believed Catholicism and Evangelical Christianity were basically the same thing. Also, she explained that people our age called her mom Mrs. Smith.
Miriam and I are friends on Facebook. But other than that one encounter with her mom, I haven't met any of her family. Occasionally Miriam's mom posts on Miriam's Facebook.
Should I apologize to her mom in a Facebook message? A facebook message would only be seen by her mom and I. Her mom is not friends with me on Facebook, though. Do you think she would be annoyed with me sending a Facebook message to her as an apology? Or would she not care and have no reaction to it? Or would she be glad that I apologized to her?
Do you ever see Miriam or her Mom where you could speak to her in person? That's often ideal over a social media apology if it works out naturally that you'd see her in person. Note: I'm editing my post to say I like Parnassia's suggestion of a hand written note over Facebook IF you decide to do anything at all, which has less chance for the side effect of drama from other people reading (or worse, commenting on) what you write.
If you really have it on your mind, I don't know that it ever would hurt to apologize for an unintended faux pas, but do you think she would even remember this after two years? Sometimes we have a tendency to think people are dwelling on something that we said wrong that they don't even remember.
Would a meaningful apology be any easier to type out on FB than writing it out in a personal and much more private note? IMHO, making the effort to select a nice card/hand written note seems more sincere. The note can be read, absorbed, and discarded when the time is right. A FB post may never go away. Do you need pats on the back from other FB users? If not, why choose a potentially public venue for an old private matter? Sounds unnecessarily awkward to me.
I also question whether this even needs to be done at all. Quite some time has passed OP. However, if you need to make this apology to help yourself get past it, go ahead. Being thoughtful and considerate isn't usually wasted effort.
Do you ever see Miriam or her Mom where you could speak to her in person? That's often ideal over a social media apology if it works out naturally that you'd see her in person. Note: I'm editing my post to say I like Parnassia's suggestion of a hand written note over Facebook IF you decide to do anything at all, which has less chance for the side effect of drama from other people reading (or worse, commenting on) what you write.
If you really have it on your mind, I don't know that it ever would hurt to apologize for an unintended faux pas, but do you think she would even remember this after two years? Sometimes we have a tendency to think people are dwelling on something that we said wrong that they don't even remember.
A Facebook message would only be seen by Miriam's mom and me.
This is something you can pay forward by learning to better recognize social cues and knowing that not everyone appreciates your speculation about what developmental disorders you you think they or their kids may have.
It’s been two years. Don’t stir this up again.
This is something you can pay forward by learning to better recognize social cues and knowing that not everyone appreciates your speculation about what developmental disorders you you think they or their kids may have.
It’s been two years. Don’t stir this up again.
I agree.
Substitute other types of conditions and imagine how embarrassed your friend and her mother probably felt.
"I noticed that she acted just like my friends with cognitive disabilities/bi-polar disorder/ADHD/learning disabilities/etc.. After a few months, I decided to introduce myself to her mom. I said that I had several friends with cognitive disabilities/bi-polar disorder/ADHD/learning disabilities/etc.., and Miriam reminds me of them. I asked if Miriam had cognitive disabilities/bi-polar disorder/ADHD/learning disabilities/etc.."
---------------------------
Just imagine how you would feel if a college friend asked your mother a similar question about your private and personal medical diagnoses?
Miriam wrote"I noticed that MrJester acted just like my friends with erectile disfunction.. After a few months, I decided to introduce myself to his mom. I said that I had several friends with erectile disfunction., and MrJester reminds me of them. I asked MrJester's mother if he had erectile disfunction.." Yes, extremely inappropriate.
Last edited by germaine2626; 11-30-2019 at 03:23 PM..
Two years ago, I met a girl at math class in college--I'll refer to her as Miriam (not her real name). We became friends. I noticed that she acted just like my friends with Asperger's. After a few months, I decided to introduce myself to her mom. I said that I had several friends with Asperger's, and Miriam reminds me of them. I asked if Miriam had Asperger's. After a long awkward silence, and Miriam seeming rather embarrassed, her mom said, "oh, I think she's doing fine," declining to comment any further. I also invited Miriam to visit my church (I'm an Evangelical Protestant), after which her mom said they go to Catholic Mass every Sunday, and would have to "discuss this with Miriam." I then asked what her name was. She seemed a bit annoyed, and simply said "Mrs. Smith" (not her real last name).
Thankfully, Miriam quickly forgave me for my faux pas, although she said her mom thought that my questions were rude. She explained that her mom thought my invitation to my church was rude as they believed Catholicism and Evangelical Christianity were basically the same thing. Also, she explained that people our age called her mom Mrs. Smith.
Miriam and I are friends on Facebook. But other than that one encounter with her mom, I haven't met any of her family. Occasionally Miriam's mom posts on Miriam's Facebook.
Should I apologize to her mom in a Facebook message? A facebook message would only be seen by her mom and I. Her mom is not friends with me on Facebook, though. Do you think she would be annoyed with me sending a Facebook message to her as an apology? Or would she not care and have no reaction to it? Or would she be glad that I apologized to her?
Who says things like that? Why would you decide to introduce yourself to the mom, Miriam would have done that if she wanted you to meet her. Why would you ask her name? She would be Mrs. Smith unless she told you differently! That is basic manners. Asking people to visit your church when they already have a faith is rude and no one thinks Catholics and Evangelicals are the same thing.
I can't believe you thought any of this should have been brought up in conversation with a person you don't know.
I didn’t use the poll cause I think the apology should be private.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
