Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
She might not believe it but we have mutual friends that know it happened. Statue of limitations has most likely ended at this point.
Gawd! Did you get support from any of these "friends" at the time? Would you be interested in, or even up to the challenge of, filing charges and going to court, if the statute of limitations has been changed? Since there's no evidence at this point, you'd have to rely on those friends to testify on your behalf. The ordeal could, and probably would, be re-traumatizing.
Hugs from me, OP. Consider getting some therapy sessions, to help you finish processing this. The right type of therapy can remove the emotional charge associated with the incident, giving you some peace of mind.
Somehow this isn't coming across as a desire to be helpful to the wife.
Regretfully I have to agree with this. You felt pain so you want others to feel pain. Retribution. You don't know WHAT the wife knows, doesn't know, chooses to accept about her husband's past, or why. OP, I think you need to separate what happened to YOU and what has happened in the lives of everyone involved since then. I agree that counseling to help you come to some sort of resolution about something so traumatic will help. I very much doubt any counselor would suggest that you tell this man's wife anything. Statute of limitations is not the reason.
Somehow this isn't coming across as a desire to be helpful to the wife.
That's absolutely correct. The OP definitely needs help.
Keep in mind that we are hearing just one side of this story. In fact, the story sounds like jealousy to me. The OP feels "hurt", but it may be because some other woman is married to the guy, and now the OP wants to get revenge by disrupting his and her marriage. It has nothing to do with being "helpful" to his wife. It wouldn't be the first time that some woman claimed rape after a consensual act that she later had second thoughts about.
The OP claims that other people know of the incident, but what do they REALLY know other than what she told them? Did they witness the alleged "rape"? If so, why wasn't something said or done many years ago?
Sometimes, people are just jealous enough and miserable enough in their own life that they won't be happy until they make someone else share in their misery. If that "someone" happens to be a former suitor that ditched her and picked someone else, well, all the better.
Time to grow up, lady, and get on with your life. If it wasn't worth mentioning to authorities 10 or 20 years ago, it certainly isn't worth it now unless you're just trying to prove that your jealousy and vindictiveness has no bounds.
I was raped by a guy when I was a teenager. I never reported it to the police because I was a teenager and I didn’t want it known, which as I have learned is a very natural reaction. To this day the site of him disgusts me, but his wife posting on social media bothers me as well. I always want to ask her is she knows she is married to a rapist. I always stop myself but I always think, I would want to know if I was married to a disgusting pig that was capable of raping another individual. She disgusts me almost as much as he does. Who can love, marry and procreate with someone like that? But I doubt he ever told her. So maybe she was just so insecure that’s all she thought she could attract. He definitely had some quirks that would make normal people avoid him like the plague.
Would you want to know if your spouse committed a disgusting act or is ignorance bliss?
Some people are capable of living in multiple existences, with just one body. They may be regarded as virtual saints by those who are close to them, in one of those existences. But they may be quite opposite in their relation to others, either in past or present times. I wouldn't condemn someone who is close to such a person, if they know nothing about their alternate persona.
It's up to you, what you might do about exposing this person who violated you. But the fact that you haven't done it yet, shows that you have some concern for the others currently in his life. Would it serve a good purpose for all concerned, if you revealed what he's done to you? Would your life change for the better, if you did this?
If this man is in a position where he works with young people or is in politics, anyone could readily see why he should be made to account for his crime, for the protection of future victims. Perhaps you aren't the only one who he attacked or maybe he's still doing it to others? Only you can decide this. All I can say is that if someone had done that to me, I would have immediately responded with a counter-attack and made them regret what they had done.
How do you know that his wife doesn't already know?
Maybe she is just very forgiving? Maybe she is messed up herself and accepts him for who he is today, not who he was before, and the two of them have a big messed up relationship?
I'm sorry this happened to you. I do hope you get therapy, it's never too late. I wish you peace in your mind.
She might not believe it but we have mutual friends that know it happened. Statue of limitations has most likely ended at this point.
If the “mutual friends” know it happened and our still friends with him, why would you think that they will do anything to support you? Concentrate on getting yourself to a good spot in your life and leave the wife alone.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Gawd! Did you get support from any of these "friends" at the time? Would you be interested in, or even up to the challenge of, filing charges and going to court, if the statute of limitations has been changed? Since there's no evidence at this point, you'd have to rely on those friends to testify on your behalf. The ordeal could, and probably would, be re-traumatizing.
