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I was raped by a guy when I was a teenager. I never reported it to the police because I was a teenager and I didn’t want it known, which as I have learned is a very natural reaction. To this day the site of him disgusts me, but his wife posting on social media bothers me as well. I always want to ask her is she knows she is married to a rapist. I always stop myself but I always think, I would want to know if I was married to a disgusting pig that was capable of raping another individual. She disgusts me almost as much as he does. Who can love, marry and procreate with someone like that? But I doubt he ever told her. So maybe she was just so insecure that’s all she thought she could attract. He definitely had some quirks that would make normal people avoid him like the plague.
Would you want to know if your spouse committed a disgusting act or is ignorance bliss?
She is not guilty of the sins of her husband.
The person he portrays now is not the person he showed you. It is not a sign of desperation on her part to be married to him.
Telling her would accomplish nothing ,,, he would deny and it would cause more drama.
If her facebook entries bother you don't read them. Block her.
If being in a room with him/them upsets you minimize the contact.
If she/he is a family member then it will be more difficult but you need to take care of your self when you deal with others.
Why are you looking up your rapist's wife on social media? Are you acquaintances with these people? You need to get them out of your life.
Not at all. She sometimes posts on our community police blotter and news sites, which I follow. We also have mutual friends, so sometimes their photos will show up in my news feed.
I think you have some unresolved feelings, which I understand. I think you should let these people alone and never have anything to do with them.
But I could be wrong. I recommend seeing a therapist about this. You need a way to think about this, and you need some peace. You defended yourself by not calling attention to your rape. But your defense allowed this man to continue on in his life without suffering consequences of his actions. So, now you feel anger that he seems happy, while you still suffer.
For your sake, some help for yourself. You deserve some peace.
I do want to mention that your issue is not with his wife. Your issue is with your abuser.
I think you have some unresolved feelings, which I understand. I think you should let these people alone and never have anything to do with them.
But I could be wrong. I recommend seeing a therapist about this. You need a way to think about this, and you need some peace. You defended yourself by not calling attention to your rape. But your defense allowed this man to continue on in his life without suffering consequences of his actions. So, now you feel anger that he seems happy, while you still suffer.
For your sake, some help for yourself. You deserve some peace.
I do want to mention that your issue is not with his wife. Your issue is with your abuser.
I wouldn’t say that at all. I think I would like to know if a man I am married to is a rapist. I don’t blame her at all. I almost feel sorry for her that she has probably lived with him two decades without knowing he is despicable. If she was me, I would want to know.
I certainly don’t seek out knowing about them. But I also won’t hide or not socialize with people I have known all my life, just because they may post a photo of a rapist on their social media, which happens to show in my news feed.
I wouldn’t say that at all. I think I would like to know if a man I am married to is a rapist. I don’t blame her at all. I almost feel sorry for her that she has probably lived with him two decades without knowing he is despicable. If she was me, I would want to know.
I certainly don’t seek out knowing about them. But I also won’t hide or not socialize with people I have known all my life, just because they may post a photo of a rapist on their social media, which happens to show in my news feed.
There are many things we might never know about our spouses. If you tell this woman, my guess is you will not be believed. You will not be believed because she will refuse to believe you. It will be in her interest NOT to believe you.
I wonder if it might be possible to prosecute this guy. I think the proper way to go about this would be through legal channels. But your issue is not with this man’s wife. Whether she knows is immaterial to this.
Please see a therapist. I think you are in pain. I suspect you want to discharge your pain onto someone else. Please, please see a professional to help you through this. I am so sorry for your pain. You deserve better. But I don’t think telling this woman that her husband violated you will make you feel better.
A therapist will help you know how to proceed to get some justice for yourself.
Please keep us posted about your progress. Please, please find some help for yourself.
The wife really isn't involved in the situation. Confronting her would accomplish nothing but create more turmoil for you. The perception would be that of retribution rather than justice and closure. You either confront him through legal ways or focus on yourself to move past the pain.
Yes... It Really Terrible Situation.
I agree with others that a therapist is the best next step...
There are many things we might never know about our spouses. If you tell this woman, my guess is you will not be believed. You will not be believed because she will refuse to believe you. It will be in her interest NOT to believe you.
I wonder if it might be possible to prosecute this guy. I think the proper way to go about this would be through legal channels. But your issue is not with this man’s wife. Whether she knows is immaterial to this.
Please see a therapist. I think you are in pain. I suspect you want to discharge your pain onto someone else. Please, please see a professional to help you through this. I am so sorry for your pain. You deserve better. But I don’t think telling this woman that her husband violated you will make you feel better.
A therapist will help you know how to proceed to get some justice for yourself.
Please keep us posted about your progress. Please, please find some help for yourself.
She might not believe it but we have mutual friends that know it happened. Statue of limitations has most likely ended at this point.
I wouldn’t say that at all. I think I would like to know if a man I am married to is a rapist. I don’t blame her at all. I almost feel sorry for her that she has probably lived with him two decades without knowing he is despicable. If she was me, I would want to know.
I certainly don’t seek out knowing about them. But I also won’t hide or not socialize with people I have known all my life, just because they may post a photo of a rapist on their social media, which happens to show in my news feed.
OP, I don't have an easy answer. I'm sorry this happened to you; I hope you've received trauma therapy for this. Needless to say, this is a very fraught issue.
The question that pops up in my mind, especially when you use the present tense to describe the guy, is: as far as you know, was it just one incident, long in the past now (in which case, you could have said "was", not "is"), or do you think there may have been other assaults, involving other women/girls, or are you under the impression he's continuing his criminal behavior behind his wife's back, and that's one reason why you want to tell her? IOW, do you think he's a predator? My observation over decades, is that, what's a one-time rape for a single victim tends to turn out to be chronic behavior for the perpetrator.
I'm just trying to clarify the situation, since your wording is ambiguous.
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