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Not at all. She sometimes posts on our community police blotter and news sites, which I follow. We also have mutual friends, so sometimes their photos will show up in my news feed.
So BLOCK HER. Then you won't see her posts.
Seriously, you have issues with being able to exist amicably side by side with people you don't like. That is a life skill ALL of us have to cultivate, some of us than others. You clearly have yet to learn that lesson, and your posting history here is ample proof of that, sadly.
I will say it again, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. Focus on fixing your own relationships before you start in on someone else's, particularly relationships about which you have NO CLUE in regards to the internal dynamics or who knows what about whom.
Karma is not kind to people who insist on being a buttinsky. And this phrase is very telling:
Quote:
She disgusts me almost as much as he does.
If she "disgusts" you so much why would you want to "help" her by informing on her husband? Sounds more like you are just out to start problems.
Let it go.
Last edited by ContraPagan; 12-25-2019 at 07:06 AM..
Maybe you should focus your ire on your friends who "know" he is a rapist and are still buddy-buddy with him. Either they don't believe things went down as you say, or they don't believe his crime was serious or unforgivable.
I wonder what he would say about the incident now that 30 years has gone by?
Whew! Glad to read that I'm not the only one who thinks this way. When I made my rather critical comments yesterday evening (post #17), I was concerned that maybe I was being too harsh or too critical of the OP and that perhaps all she needed was some sympathy and support.
Well, it appears now that I'm not the only one who thinks the OP needs to let it go and get on with her life. Nothing good is going to come from her "digging up bones" from the past. She is the one who needs help, not the wife of the guy she claims raped her several decades ago.
I was raped by a guy when I was a teenager. I never reported it to the police because I was a teenager and I didn’t want it known, which as I have learned is a very natural reaction. To this day the site of him disgusts me, but his wife posting on social media bothers me as well. I always want to ask her is she knows she is married to a rapist. I always stop myself but I always think, I would want to know if I was married to a disgusting pig that was capable of raping another individual. She disgusts me almost as much as he does. Who can love, marry and procreate with someone like that? But I doubt he ever told her. So maybe she was just so insecure that’s all she thought she could attract. He definitely had some quirks that would make normal people avoid him like the plague.
Would you want to know if your spouse committed a disgusting act or is ignorance bliss?
You should have reported it and done a rape kit. Now your only hope is he will get picked up for raping other women in these new DNA crimes being solved. It happened to the adoptive father of my good friends bio daughter. Dennis Bowman of Michigan was recently arrested for raping and murdering a woman in Virginia.
No, I wouldn't say anything because the wife probably won't care like Bowman's wife didn't. My friends daughter had recently accused him of trying to sexually abuse her. He had just gotten out of prison after serving 5 years for trying to rape someone...
My friend is hoping he will reveal where her daughters remains are. Aundria Bowman was one of the original kids featured in Soul Asylums Runaway Train video. The video isn't on you tube any more but I do have a copy.
I was raped by a guy when I was a teenager. I never reported it to the police because I was a teenager and I didn’t want it known, which as I have learned is a very natural reaction. To this day the site of him disgusts me, but his wife posting on social media bothers me as well. I always want to ask her is she knows she is married to a rapist. I always stop myself but I always think, I would want to know if I was married to a disgusting pig that was capable of raping another individual. She disgusts me almost as much as he does. Who can love, marry and procreate with someone like that? But I doubt he ever told her. So maybe she was just so insecure that’s all she thought she could attract. He definitely had some quirks that would make normal people avoid him like the plague.
Would you want to know if your spouse committed a disgusting act or is ignorance bliss?
Yeah I'd want to know but I'd be pissed off to know somebody had been in my circle withholding that from me for DECADES.
I don't care how 'natural' it is to not report, that doesn't give you a pass; how many other women has he been able to victimize while you were coddling your own sense of victimhood?
Were they married when he allegedly raped you? And yeah, I can say 'allegedly; because he was never convicted because you didn't report it. Did you let her marry an alleged rapist?
...... Would you want to know if your spouse committed a disgusting act or is ignorance bliss?
You should first ask yourself if you can offer proof? .... and if not .... are you rich and are you prepared to be taken to court and sued for character assassination?
I must have absolute proof of my spouse's act, whatever the so-called disgusting act is. If it is proven in a court of law then that is the way I would prefer to learn about it and be able to accept it as the truth and that it actually happened.
Otherwise if the accusation was made with no proof and/or without it being taken to court and proven in a court of law then I would give my spouse the full benefit of the doubt. I'd consider the accusation to be a lie and hearsay that was started by gossipy liars and character assassinators with a jealous grudge.
In which case I might even encourage my spouse to file suit against the trouble makers and take them to court to sue them for character assassination. Suing people for defamation of character will teach them an expensive lesson and it can be quite lucrative for the person filing suit since the hefty sum of money awarded by the court all comes out of the pockets of the liars that were sued.
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I can say 'allegedly; because he was never convicted because you didn't report it. Did you let her marry an alleged rapist?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoisite
In which case I might even encourage my spouse to file suit against the trouble makers and take them to court to sue them for character assassination. Suing people for defamation of character will teach them an expensive lesson and it can be quite lucrative for the person filing suit since the hefty sum of money awarded by the court all comes out of the pockets of the liars that were sued.
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Since the OP didn't report it and this happened years ago, I think that telling her now could just wind up with a slander charge against the OP.
Since the OP didn't report it and this happened years ago, I think that telling her now could just wind up with a slander charge against the OP.
This is true. I don't know if it would work but if I were him I would probably go for it.
Years ago I was sexually attacked by a man in my apartment complexes's laundry room. I was 18 years old & I reported it. The police did not catch him. They did find physical evidence (semen) at the scene but this was long before DNA forensics was a thing.
He then continued to stalk me for over a year & it was absolutely terrifying. I called the police , every time I found my apartment broken into but they couldn't catch him. They had a wiretap on my phone but still couldn't catch him.
One morning, pre-dawn; my then husband was leaving for work in a company truck & caught a glint of light from the corner of his eye. It had reflected off of the knife blade in the hands of the guy who was in the process of slicing my window screen open. The bedroom window, right above my bed where I was sleeping.
My husband said he didn't know what came over him ... He turned that work truck to the left, hopped a curb & sidewalk & floored it over the lawn towards the guy. The guy started running & hopped a fence. My husband drove through the fence; crashing into a parking lot on the other side.
The guy narrowly escaped by squeezing in between two parked cars & around the side of a building just before my husband totaled the two cars with his truck. Obviously, the police were called then too.
Despite all of this the police did not catch him & I had to endure some pretty bad discrimination along the way. I was told I was 'too cute'. I was even told my 'skirt was too short' once. I was ashamed for some reason that were able to find semen & that I hadn't been able to fight a grown man off of me before it got to that point (as if). Didn't matter. I reported everything.
I had a friend who was a former Green Beret. On our own; he, myself & my husband staged a set-up where I had to act as my own bait. During one of the thousands of phone calls I received from him I told him I changed my mind & that I would meet him. My friend waited in a field for hours in a self-dug foxhole.
This was very productive. I was called about an hour after luring him to the field by a sobbing GI named Felix, who had been driving around with a knife to his neck. We were very accommodating & gave him another chance. We had all of his info, DL & military ID. The police department could have & should have done this but they were too amused with their 'wink-wink' victim blaming.
That is the only time I didn't report anything to the police. I kept my word. He did too for about one month. Then it started up again. That time I reported him by name & address. My dad (a city admin) made some phone calls. The FBI was called. They were amazed I survived him. Said he profiled as 'a Bundy'.
He did 5 years (shoulda been longer) for what he did to me. They said he had very little chance of rehabilitation as a sexually violent serial offender. After he was released he was banned from the entire state of Colorado & may have had to do time in Leavenworth. I don't know. I did my job & kept him off the streets for as long as I could. Even participated in an FBI research study to further help them catch the bad guys.
I don't believe in this 'didn't report' crap. I think it's a dangerous thing to give warm fuzzys & say 'Aww, poor thing you must have been so traumatized'. I'm not the only one. Other women have had to pick the perp out of a line-up. Faced down the suspect in court. Were told it was somehow their fault. A lot of us were blamed, belittled & ashamed but we did it anyway.
OP, I agree with everyone here (mostly). This is a very difficult situation, and I'm very sorry for what he put you through. I have no blame or harsh words for you for not reporting it then; everyone does what they can in the situation they are in. However, everyone is right: there is nothing you can do now. You know nothing about his wife, or what she does or does not know, or what she does or does not feel. This late in the game, it will only be your word against his, unfortunately. If you want to take legal action against him, that is up to you, but I think it will be an uphill road (very) if you choose to do that. But I think that is the only action you "owe" him, that is the way to attempt to achieve justice. Not to make accusations to a woman you don't know who is not going to believe you, and will not have any reason to, this much time later.
I agree that you should block her on any social media that you can, decide whether you want to go to the police, forget he exists otherwise, and work on your own peace and healing no matter what you decide to do, and I hope you have friends and family who are supportive and can help you do that (or, a good counselor if that is warranted).
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