Is it my Fault that my Friend/ex is Mad at me? (female, males)
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It does seem that you are mothering him quite a bit. He is 46 years old and lives with his mother, she can mother him.
If he irritates you often, limit the amount of time you spend with him. You are under no obligation to continue being friends after your break up, but if you *choose* to remain friends, then you'll have to put up with his immaturity.
Your ex sounds like someone who is always a day late and a dollar short. Hopefully, by waiting out there he learned not to forget his phone in the future and to remember his FB password.
I think we are still in each other's lives because of familiarity and we are both single. I will definitely cut contact if I were in a relationship (and I know he will do the same).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daffodil_fields
It does seem that you are mothering him quite a bit. He is 46 years old and lives with his mother, she can mother him.
If he irritates you often, limit the amount of time you spend with him. You are under no obligation to continue being friends after your break up, but if you *choose* to remain friends, then you'll have to put up with his immaturity.
I prefer to be with a man who is more "in control" Maybe that is why I am irritated with him because he gives me no choice but to mother him. A bit of history, the reason I broke up with him 10 yrs ago (the straw that broke the camel's back) was when he came with me to our home outside the city, I always leave early because this highway does not have lights and is difficult to drive at night. We got caught in traffic and when it got dark, I asked him a favor if he can drive and he refused. I was surprised because with my other BFs, they always offer to drive. Then I found out the real reason was he did not have his driver's license renewed. He has no job and stays home the whole day and I could not understand why he can't take an hour off of his day to renew his ONLY id. He has no other IDs since he does not have a job (no passport, SSS, credit card or company ID) I ended up crying out of frustration. I suspect that until now he still has no license which is why he goes to my house in a cab.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BLMAngus
Your ex sounds like someone who is always a day late and a dollar short. Hopefully, by waiting out there he learned not to forget his phone in the future and to remember his FB password.
You're right
I have a feeling that he will not contact me anymore. He was really mad when he left my house, did not even look me in the eye. He said goodbye to everyone else except me. I was telling him that I will drive him to the main road (in spite of my fever) but he refused.
I still feel guilty thinking of him waiting on the road at 3 am for a cab. I don't think any cab would pass by our area at that time. Maybe he stood there for hours and I feel so evil having put him in that situation.
He has no job and stays home the whole day and I could not understand why he can't take an hour off of his day to renew his ONLY id. He has no other IDs since he does not have a job (no passport, SSS, credit card or company ID.
......
I still feel guilty thinking of him waiting on the road at 3 am for a cab. I don't think any cab would pass by our area at that time. Maybe he stood there for hours and I feel so evil having put him in that situation.
First of all, this guy sounds like a total and complete loser. At his age, to be unemployed and without any type of ID is absolutely ridiculous. It's a really good thing you broke things off with him because people like him never change and he will continue to mooch off his parents and whomever else allows it for the rest of his pathetic life.
Secondly, do not feel at all bad for leaving him to figure out his transportation. The fact is, he's a grown man fully capable of taking care of himself. But he deliberately left his phone at home, most likely because he ran out of mommy and daddy's allowance money, and wanted you to pay for his Uber or cab home. Once again, the guy is a total loser and you have nothing at all to feel bad about. This is all on him for being a 46 year old child who expects everyone else to take care of him. Do his parents still wipe his bottom after he uses the toilet? Because I wouldn't be surprised if he expects that, too being such a huge baby!!
I think we are still in each other's lives because of familiarity and we are both single. I will definitely cut contact if I were in a relationship (and I know he will do the same).
I prefer to be with a man who is more "in control" Maybe that is why I am irritated with him because he gives me no choice but to mother him. A bit of history, the reason I broke up with him 10 yrs ago (the straw that broke the camel's back) was when he came with me to our home outside the city, I always leave early because this highway does not have lights and is difficult to drive at night. We got caught in traffic and when it got dark, I asked him a favor if he can drive and he refused. I was surprised because with my other BFs, they always offer to drive. Then I found out the real reason was he did not have his driver's license renewed. He has no job and stays home the whole day and I could not understand why he can't take an hour off of his day to renew his ONLY id. He has no other IDs since he does not have a job (no passport, SSS, credit card or company ID) I ended up crying out of frustration. I suspect that until now he still has no license which is why he goes to my house in a cab.
You're right
I have a feeling that he will not contact me anymore. He was really mad when he left my house, did not even look me in the eye. He said goodbye to everyone else except me. I was telling him that I will drive him to the main road (in spite of my fever) but he refused.
I still feel guilty thinking of him waiting on the road at 3 am for a cab. I don't think any cab would pass by our area at that time. Maybe he stood there for hours and I feel so evil having put him in that situation.
So he is not only irresponsible but displaces blame for his failure to take responsibility. He has the nerve to act in a hostile manner to you in your home after enjoying your hospitality because he didn't get what he wanted. (Even your offer of driving him to the road was not enough for him.)
The thing about being friends with someone who is irresponsible is that whatever inconvenience/harm befalls them, they will find someone else to blame for not coming to their "rescue." He is looking for a rescuer not a friend.
Last edited by Maddie104; 12-26-2019 at 06:10 AM..
I'm feeling very guilty now. Sorry for the long post.
My ex spends Christmas eve at our house yearly (I see him twice or thrice a year) The tradition in this country (I'm in Asia) is for the whole family to eat at 12 midnight. In the evening, I told him I had fever and if he could come over at 12 am instead of the usual (evening) so I could get some rest. He arrived on time, at past 2 am, I told him he should book a ride going home (local version of uber). He asked me if I can do it for him. I told him, why can't he use his phone, then he told me that he forgot his phone with the app. This really pissed me off.
Just a bit of a background, I broke up with him because of his being irresponsible. He is a good man but he only worked for 2 yrs in his life. We were together from 2005 to 2010 and he kept on promising that he will get a job until I got fed up. He is now 46 and still jobless and living with his parents. His parents give him an allowance and he spends it on expensive audio stuff and travel. I can't have a relationship with him anymore because the way he conducts his life irritates me, little things such as being late, not making reservations for important events, forgetting stuff which to me signals his lack of responsibility.
Going back, I live in an area with no access to public transportation and the only way out is through a cab. He knows this very well but still refuses to drive here (I suspect that he does not have a driver's license anymore). He is insisting that I sign up for the ride app, but I refuse to because it was asking to upload my photo or save my credit card details which I don't want. I don't even use the app for myself, why should I install it for him? He said he would install it in his phone but it was already 3 am and he said it is linking with his Facebook to which he forgot the password I also tried calling the security to the gate in our subdivision to ask them to get a cab for him but there was no answer. My family who are all elders are still up waiting for him to go home. I told my Aunt to get some sleep already because we need to wake up early on Christmas morning. When I asked him, for the nth time, so what will we do now? He stood up and got his things, said goodbye to my family (except for me) and then said he will walk to the main road to get a cab. I told him, I will drive him to the main road but he refused. I felt bad because it was 3 am and I don't know how many cabs will be in the area.
Before going to bed, I sent him a message to inform me when he gets home. He never messaged me and I saw that it was "seen at 7:56 am" Now I feel so horrible, I don't know if he waited from 3 am to 7 am for a cab. I knew he was mad at me but is it really my responsibility on how he gets home? I don't know what else I could have done, should I have just asked him to sleep over or take my Mom's offer to accompany him until he figures out how to go home (I couldn't stay up because my head was killing me)
I don't know if I acted like a btch in this instance and if he is right to get mad at me. There is a side of me thinking, maybe we should not even be friends anymore.
How did he get to your house?
If you installed the app on your cell, he should have been able to log into the ride share app using his own information but I guess that's what you said he didn't remember? He could have requested his log in info and pulled his mail on your cell thru the web app.
How far does he live that you just didn't give him a ride home? I know you said you weren't feeling well but that's what I would have done.
I'm feeling very guilty now. Sorry for the long post.
My ex spends Christmas eve at our house yearly (I see him twice or thrice a year) The tradition in this country (I'm in Asia) is for the whole family to eat at 12 midnight. In the evening, I told him I had fever and if he could come over at 12 am instead of the usual (evening) so I could get some rest. He arrived on time, at past 2 am, I told him he should book a ride going home (local version of uber). He asked me if I can do it for him. I told him, why can't he use his phone, then he told me that he forgot his phone with the app. This really pissed me off.
Just a bit of a background, I broke up with him because of his being irresponsible. He is a good man but he only worked for 2 yrs in his life. We were together from 2005 to 2010 and he kept on promising that he will get a job until I got fed up. He is now 46 and still jobless and living with his parents. His parents give him an allowance and he spends it on expensive audio stuff and travel. I can't have a relationship with him anymore because the way he conducts his life irritates me, little things such as being late, not making reservations for important events, forgetting stuff which to me signals his lack of responsibility.
Going back, I live in an area with no access to public transportation and the only way out is through a cab. He knows this very well but still refuses to drive here (I suspect that he does not have a driver's license anymore). He is insisting that I sign up for the ride app, but I refuse to because it was asking to upload my photo or save my credit card details which I don't want. I don't even use the app for myself, why should I install it for him? He said he would install it in his phone but it was already 3 am and he said it is linking with his Facebook to which he forgot the password I also tried calling the security to the gate in our subdivision to ask them to get a cab for him but there was no answer. My family who are all elders are still up waiting for him to go home. I told my Aunt to get some sleep already because we need to wake up early on Christmas morning. When I asked him, for the nth time, so what will we do now? He stood up and got his things, said goodbye to my family (except for me) and then said he will walk to the main road to get a cab. I told him, I will drive him to the main road but he refused. I felt bad because it was 3 am and I don't know how many cabs will be in the area.
Before going to bed, I sent him a message to inform me when he gets home. He never messaged me and I saw that it was "seen at 7:56 am" Now I feel so horrible, I don't know if he waited from 3 am to 7 am for a cab. I knew he was mad at me but is it really my responsibility on how he gets home? I don't know what else I could have done, should I have just asked him to sleep over or take my Mom's offer to accompany him until he figures out how to go home (I couldn't stay up because my head was killing me)
I don't know if I acted like a btch in this instance and if he is right to get mad at me. There is a side of me thinking, maybe we should not even be friends anymore.
You shouldn't be friends with this person.I don't even know WHY you would still have your ex coming to these events.That's crazy.There is nothing wrong being cordial with the person but not like this!! He's a jerk and you should NOT be friends with this person.He's a user and he will always be that way.You're too nice! Start the new year without this person in your life..period.
I'm feeling very guilty now. Sorry for the long post.
My ex spends Christmas eve at our house yearly (I see him twice or thrice a year) The tradition in this country (I'm in Asia) is for the whole family to eat at 12 midnight. In the evening, I told him I had fever and if he could come over at 12 am instead of the usual (evening) so I could get some rest. He arrived on time, at past 2 am, I told him he should book a ride going home (local version of uber). He asked me if I can do it for him. I told him, why can't he use his phone, then he told me that he forgot his phone with the app. This really pissed me off.
Just a bit of a background, I broke up with him because of his being irresponsible. He is a good man but he only worked for 2 yrs in his life. We were together from 2005 to 2010 and he kept on promising that he will get a job until I got fed up. He is now 46 and still jobless and living with his parents. His parents give him an allowance and he spends it on expensive audio stuff and travel. I can't have a relationship with him anymore because the way he conducts his life irritates me, little things such as being late, not making reservations for important events, forgetting stuff which to me signals his lack of responsibility.
Going back, I live in an area with no access to public transportation and the only way out is through a cab. He knows this very well but still refuses to drive here (I suspect that he does not have a driver's license anymore). He is insisting that I sign up for the ride app, but I refuse to because it was asking to upload my photo or save my credit card details which I don't want. I don't even use the app for myself, why should I install it for him? He said he would install it in his phone but it was already 3 am and he said it is linking with his Facebook to which he forgot the password I also tried calling the security to the gate in our subdivision to ask them to get a cab for him but there was no answer. My family who are all elders are still up waiting for him to go home. I told my Aunt to get some sleep already because we need to wake up early on Christmas morning. When I asked him, for the nth time, so what will we do now? He stood up and got his things, said goodbye to my family (except for me) and then said he will walk to the main road to get a cab. I told him, I will drive him to the main road but he refused. I felt bad because it was 3 am and I don't know how many cabs will be in the area.
Before going to bed, I sent him a message to inform me when he gets home. He never messaged me and I saw that it was "seen at 7:56 am" Now I feel so horrible, I don't know if he waited from 3 am to 7 am for a cab. I knew he was mad at me but is it really my responsibility on how he gets home? I don't know what else I could have done, should I have just asked him to sleep over or take my Mom's offer to accompany him until he figures out how to go home (I couldn't stay up because my head was killing me)
I don't know if I acted like a btch in this instance and if he is right to get mad at me. There is a side of me thinking, maybe we should not even be friends anymore.
No, you aren't a btch. I say tough teat-ties! He should know better. Maybe he'll learn from what happened this year for next year if he even comes.
I'm afraid this man may be your soul mate. Maybe its time to face that fact.
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I also tried calling the security to the gate in our subdivision to ask them to get a cab for him but there was no answer. My family who are all elders are still up waiting for him to go home. I told my Aunt to get some sleep already because we need to wake up early on Christmas morning. When I asked him, for the nth time, so what will we do now? He stood up and got his things, said goodbye to my family (except for me) and then said he will walk to the main road to get a cab. I told him, I will drive him to the main road but he refused. I felt bad because it was 3 am and I don't know how many cabs will be in the area. 
