Is it my Fault that my Friend/ex is Mad at me?

[Disgustedman]

Originally Posted by cosmic_girl

I'm feeling very guilty now. Sorry for the long post.

My ex spends Christmas eve at our house yearly (I see him twice or thrice a year) The tradition in this country (I'm in Asia) is for the whole family to eat at 12 midnight.

I don't know if I acted like a btch in this instance and if he is right to get mad at me. There is a side of me thinking, maybe we should not even be friends anymore.

You have been most pleasant to invite him. Stop it, he's not a child and you shouldn't clean up after children when they're 46. Don't invite or ask him anymore. Go and find someone who will love you.

[redplum33]

OP, even though he doesn't have his act together, I think you should have been more accommodating.

• You were being difficult and refused to sign up for the Uber-type app.
• You didn't offer to let him stay there for the night.
• You didn't offer to drive him home.
• Your offer to drive him to the main road was a lousy offer because it was the middle of the night and you were well aware that cabs probably wouldn't be in the area.

I know you weren't feeling well, but he's your friend and it was Christmas.

[Mimidae]

Originally Posted by cosmic_girl

When I got there, the restaurant was full and he made no reservations. I was appalled that he did not make a reservation for 15 people. I made the reservation and they arrived at 7:30 pm Another instance, he owed me some money and when I asked him why he was not able to deposit, he said the line was too long at the bank and he did not want to wait

Yes! Please don't show up to a restaurant with 15 people and no reservation.

I thought this might be shoe guy. Did you ever get the money for those shoes you brought home to Asia?

You dodged a real bullet with him. And he's probably a perfectly sweet guy. But just imagine if you had married him--it would be constant cleaning up after his "bad planning" messes.

[SPECFRCE]

Appears you enjoy his attention regardless how deep the letdown flows.

You've never truly answered the question as to why you invite him to your family gatherings.
Your family's all the familiar face you need and facetime/duo chat afford slightly more intimate calls.

He's irresponsible on purpose with you and everyone else because he's enabled to from all parties in his life.

[GraceKrispy]

Originally Posted by cosmic_girl

I think we are still in each other's lives because of familiarity and we are both single. I will definitely cut contact if I were in a relationship (and I know he will do the same).

Originally Posted by BirdieBelle

I don't think it's fair for you to continue using him for company like this.

He annoys you, and you take it out on him by acting mean and impatient to him. It's a sad cycle.

Either treat him with kindness, like any friend, or stop relying on him.

I agree. You need to cut him loose. You are using him, but you aren't treating him like a friend- more like a parasite that you keep inviting into your life. And I get it- he sounds irresponsible and immature. But it's worse to pretend to treat him like a friend only for the parts you're willing to handle and not for the other parts. I think it's time to just cut the relationship and free up your time for other people.

Originally Posted by Pope of Greenwich Village

Cosmic Girl, Happy Christmas to you.

The bad news is...you're still a couple.

Neither of you have been able to move on.

I'm afraid this man may be your soul mate. Maybe its time to face that fact.

Kind of seems this way!

[ClaraC]

I'm alone in saying yes, you are responsible for the safety and well-being of people you invite into your home and then turn out at 3 a.m., when they've told you they have no way to get home.

Even if you decided this was the last straw that broke the camel's back, you owe him a safe ride home and not to just shove him out the door with no way to get transportation.

Then, you can call him the next day and say that was about it, enough is enough, and he won't be invited next year.

[MrMinneapolis]

You were completely in the wrong and i can see why ur not together anymore based on what u have said. Also its utterly stupid to be remaining friends with an ex let alone inviting them to family functions lmaoooo

[petsandgardens]

I have to say this man reminds me of someone I know who is like this but not adled or immature or childlike. Rather he is an out and out freeloader.

[cosmic_girl]

Originally Posted by redplum33

OP, even though he doesn't have his act together, I think you should have been more accommodating.

• You were being difficult and refused to sign up for the Uber-type app.
• You didn't offer to let him stay there for the night.
• You didn't offer to drive him home.
• Your offer to drive him to the main road was a lousy offer because it was the middle of the night and you were well aware that cabs probably wouldn't be in the area.

I know you weren't feeling well, but he's your friend and it was Christmas.

re the uber type app, this is something that I can't do for him because I don't even have it for myself. I am currently in a developing country and I don't feel like it's safe for me to input my photo and credit card details in that app

I did not want him to leave my house without transportation, but I couldn't do anything anymore when he decided to leave and say goodbye to everyone except me

Driving him home is definitely not an option as physically I felt really awful (headache and muscle pain) Even if I were well, my parents will not allow me. It's not safe for a female to be driving alone going to his area

I do feel very guilty about what happened but I couldn't stop him anymore when he stood up and went for the door/gate, I followed him and kept on telling him that I will at least drive him to the main road but he wouldn't even look at me. I know there might be no cabs in the area at that time but there are security in our subdivision that could help him get a cab or we could wait in the car until he gets a cab

Originally Posted by Mimidae

Yes! Please don't show up to a restaurant with 15 people and no reservation.

I thought this might be shoe guy. Did you ever get the money for those shoes you brought home to Asia?

You dodged a real bullet with him. And he's probably a perfectly sweet guy. But just imagine if you had married him--it would be constant cleaning up after his "bad planning" messes.

Wow you have such great memory. It's not the shoe guy. I advertised the shoes online, it's been 7 weeks and still no offer to buy. I knew this will happen in a country where the average height of males is 5'4", I don't think there will be a lot of buyers for size 12 shoes

You are right about him. He is a good guy, but I definitely cannot imagine him as my husband. He did ask me to marry him 3 or so yrs in our relationship. During that time we were both jobless (I was a full time graduate student) When I asked him who will pay for the wedding, he said his parents. I told him I don't want a wedding paid for by his parents. When I asked him how can we afford children, he said this will be his motivation to get a job. I was NOT going to risk it. That was more than 10 yrs ago and he is still jobless at 46 yrs old.

Originally Posted by SPECFRCE

Appears you enjoy his attention regardless how deep the letdown flows.

You've never truly answered the question as to why you invite him to your family gatherings.
Your family's all the familiar face you need and facetime/duo chat afford slightly more intimate calls.

He's irresponsible on purpose with you and everyone else because he's enabled to from all parties in his life.

I did, I see him twice or thrice a year and that includes Christmas. We just got used to it and my family does not mind the extra company (I am an only child)

re enabling, you're right. For example, when his parents are out, their business/store is closed. I told him, why he can't keep the store open and he says only his Dad knows how to manage it They let him get away with having no responsibilities. His Dad would even cook meals and freeze it so he is sure that he has food while he is out. His Dad is in his 70s

Originally Posted by ClaraC

I'm alone in saying yes, you are responsible for the safety and well-being of people you invite into your home and then turn out at 3 a.m., when they've told you they have no way to get home.

Even if you decided this was the last straw that broke the camel's back, you owe him a safe ride home and not to just shove him out the door with no way to get transportation.

Then, you can call him the next day and say that was about it, enough is enough, and he won't be invited next year.

I do feel very guilty and I am still wondering how he got home but he did not answer my text anymore. I think this incident made him hate me and we definitely will not be seeing each other anymore.