Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have 4 roommates, we are 5 total. 3 of them were good friends which moved in this apartment 5 years ago. The other roommate and I arrived later. I arrived 2 years ago, to replace a person who left. One of my roommates, one of the initial 3, which we will call V, is probably the person I dislike the most on this earth. From what I’ve analyzed in the past 2 years, he is a narcissist and a possible psychopath. He is business-oriented and likes to exerce superiority on others due to an underlying insecurity which I believe has to do with his looks (he is not the prettiest). Way before moving in, we were friends/acquaintances, due to us working in the same artistic field. We have lots of passion for the same things. When he suggested I move in, I thought we’d be a team, equals, and work towards our goals together. For the first few months of living here, that’s how I felt. I was clueless and inattentive to his controlling strategies but things were moving forward. With time, he started being comfortable with demanding services and since I saw us as equals, it was a pleasure to help him. Then I began seeing how he was controlling many people, through strategic conversations and making them depend on him. I saw his lack of empathy and his fakeness as he just wanted people to do all the work for him. I saw people running away from him because they too realized he was a narcissist. I watched him run into many conflicts in romantic relationships and with colleagues due to his stubbornness and bad leadership. I’ve spoken with some of these individuals and they have the same opinion as me. About a year ago, I really had enough. I didn’t want a toxic person like that around me, but I love all my other roommates and the rent is incredibly good, I can practice my art without any issues and I am close to everything (downtown). So I decided to stay, and try to talk to him without directly telling him what I disliked. The vibe got better but no real improvement. Soon we were back to square one. I think he feels like he owns me because I have had many opportunities to grow my career due to being in this environment. I cannot lie, he has helped me in many ways, but I always felt like it was for bad reasons. Like it was a long-term investment that could benefit him. He’s said stuff like “I know you’ll make it before me” in the past. Nowadays I feel like he only gets close to me when he needs something, and then fades away in his own world. He is so good that I get caught up in his games every time. He uses kind people because he knows they don’t have the balls to refuse because they feel like they owe him something. Kind of holding people through guilt. He is such a good manipulator that I still can’t fully refuse helping him even knowing all of this. I understand his strategy is good for “success” as I see many successful individuals with the same strategy. It is simply not how I envision achieving success. I think it’s fake and will only bring you in a lonely, miserable place. At this point, I believe it is part of his personality and there is nothing I can do, because he has always gotten what he wanted through his selfish actions. This is more of a rant but I’m curious to know if anyone has had a similar experience. If you have any tips on how to deal with people like this I would really appreciate as well. Thank you for reading.
I have 4 roommates, we are 5 total. 3 of them were good friends which moved in this apartment 5 years ago. The other roommate and I arrived later. I arrived 2 years ago, to replace a person who left.
One of my roommates, one of the initial 3, which we will call V, is probably the person I dislike the most on this earth. From what I’ve analyzed in the past 2 years, he is a narcissist and a possible psychopath. He is business-oriented and likes to exerce superiority on others due to an underlying insecurity which I believe has to do with his looks (he is not the prettiest).
Way before moving in, we were friends/acquaintances, due to us working in the same artistic field. We have lots of passion for the same things. When he suggested I move in, I thought we’d be a team, equals, and work towards our goals together. For the first few months of living here, that’s how I felt. I was clueless and inattentive to his controlling strategies but things were moving forward.
With time, he started being comfortable with demanding services and since I saw us as equals, it was a pleasure to help him. Then I began seeing how he was controlling many people, through strategic conversations and making them depend on him. I saw his lack of empathy and his fakeness as he just wanted people to do all the work for him.
I saw people running away from him because they too realized he was a narcissist. I watched him run into many conflicts in romantic relationships and with colleagues due to his stubbornness and bad leadership. I’ve spoken with some of these individuals and they have the same opinion as me.
About a year ago, I really had enough. I didn’t want a toxic person like that around me, but I love all my other roommates and the rent is incredibly good, I can practice my art without any issues and I am close to everything (downtown). So I decided to stay, and try to talk to him without directly telling him what I disliked. The vibe got better but no real improvement. Soon we were back to square one.
I think he feels like he owns me because I have had many opportunities to grow my career due to being in this environment. I cannot lie, he has helped me in many ways, but I always felt like it was for bad reasons. Like it was a long-term investment that could benefit him. He’s said stuff like “I know you’ll make it before me” in the past. Nowadays I feel like he only gets close to me when he needs something, and then fades away in his own world. He is so good that I get caught up in his games every time. He uses kind people because he knows they don’t have the balls to refuse because they feel like they owe him something. Kind of holding people through guilt.
He is such a good manipulator that I still can’t fully refuse helping him even knowing all of this. I understand his strategy is good for “success” as I see many successful individuals with the same strategy. It is simply not how I envision achieving success. I think it’s fake and will only bring you in a lonely, miserable place. At this point, I believe it is part of his personality and there is nothing I can do, because he has always gotten what he wanted through his selfish actions.
This is more of a rant but I’m curious to know if anyone has had a similar experience. If you have any tips on how to deal with people like this I would really appreciate as well. Thank you for reading.
Paragraph breaks are your friend. Fixed it for you.
I'm not convinced this roommate is either a narcissist or a psychopath. Those words get tossed around casually a lot by people who don't really understand the clinical definitions.
I have 4 roommates, we are 5 total. 3 of them were good friends which moved in this apartment 5 years ago. The other roommate and I arrived later. I arrived 2 years ago, to replace a person who left.
One of my roommates, one of the initial 3, which we will call V, is probably the person I dislike the most on this earth. From what I’ve analyzed in the past 2 years, he is a narcissist and a possible psychopath. He is business-oriented and likes to exerce superiority on others due to an underlying insecurity which I believe has to do with his looks (he is not the prettiest).
Way before moving in, we were friends/acquaintances, due to us working in the same artistic field. We have lots of passion for the same things. When he suggested I move in, I thought we’d be a team, equals, and work towards our goals together. For the first few months of living here, that’s how I felt. I was clueless and inattentive to his controlling strategies but things were moving forward.
With time, he started being comfortable with demanding services and since I saw us as equals, it was a pleasure to help him. Then I began seeing how he was controlling many people, through strategic conversations and making them depend on him. I saw his lack of empathy and his fakeness as he just wanted people to do all the work for him.
I saw people running away from him because they too realized he was a narcissist. I watched him run into many conflicts in romantic relationships and with colleagues due to his stubbornness and bad leadership. I’ve spoken with some of these individuals and they have the same opinion as me.
About a year ago, I really had enough. I didn’t want a toxic person like that around me, but I love all my other roommates and the rent is incredibly good, I can practice my art without any issues and I am close to everything (downtown). So I decided to stay, and try to talk to him without directly telling him what I disliked. The vibe got better but no real improvement. Soon we were back to square one.
I think he feels like he owns me because I have had many opportunities to grow my career due to being in this environment. I cannot lie, he has helped me in many ways, but I always felt like it was for bad reasons. Like it was a long-term investment that could benefit him. He’s said stuff like “I know you’ll make it before me” in the past. Nowadays I feel like he only gets close to me when he needs something, and then fades away in his own world. He is so good that I get caught up in his games every time. He uses kind people because he knows they don’t have the balls to refuse because they feel like they owe him something. Kind of holding people through guilt.
He is such a good manipulator that I still can’t fully refuse helping him even knowing all of this. I understand his strategy is good for “success” as I see many successful individuals with the same strategy. It is simply not how I envision achieving success. I think it’s fake and will only bring you in a lonely, miserable place. At this point, I believe it is part of his personality and there is nothing I can do, because he has always gotten what he wanted through his selfish actions.
This is more of a rant but I’m curious to know if anyone has had a similar experience. If you have any tips on how to deal with people like this I would really appreciate as well. Thank you for reading.
I'm not convinced this roommate is either a narcissist or a psychopath. Those words get tossed around casually a lot by people who don't really understand the clinical definitions.
I agree. Although, there is something in his eyes, his cold behaviour and it seems like he is hiding the devil within him, waiting to explode. It’s just a feeling of course, and months of living with him, no diagnosis.
You said he made others dependent on him. Those people need to carve out their own path or they need to learn how to level the playing field.
It’s easy to say, but he sees the weakness in those people. He sees their lack of identity and creates one for them, making them dependent of him. Then he uses this to his advantage. It’s hard for an individual with little life experience to get the introspection needed to break out of this cycle.
I'm not convinced this roommate is either a narcissist or a psychopath. Those words get tossed around casually a lot by people who don't really understand the clinical definitions.
Ditto. You're building him up to be this evil mastermind who can bend everyone, including you, to his will. Maybe that's the artist in you.
But you need to keep your feet on the ground. It is unlikely that he will change. You, however, can choose to change how you interact with him. Be a big boy.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
