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I think the only thing you can do is take the best care of YOURSELF that you can.
I agree with the narcissistic bit, although it can be more complex than can be described in a few sentences.
I was a very sad, depressed child, and my mother's solution was to yell at me to stop crying all the time. I did learn to do that by the time I was six, which backfired badly, but that's another story. She made it clear that she preferred my younger sister who was cuter and more cheerful and athletic, as my mother had been when she was young.
In later years, I heard my mother say how depressed she felt at 30, feeling that her life was over, that there was nothing to look forward to. Well, I was born three months before she turned 30. I obviously picked it up from her, and she probably just saw me as a mirror of her own sad feelings and resented me for it.
Knowing that, I was eventually able to forgive her for it, but it took me until well into adulthood to get there.
Whatever you choose to do about your sister's condition, make sure you take care of yourself and your emotional needs. I can't stress that enough.
I would think that what you are feeling is understandable. Try to understand though that how you have described the goings on at home tells more about your parents than you or your sister. Actions, attitudes and how people respond to the injustices of life are often a mirror of how they feel about themselves. Your parents actions are not your fault nor a reflection of you. They are responsible for how they treat you and have treated you. Treatment of other is a choice.
Try forgiveness. Forgive the folks and your sister. Forgiveness is not permission to hurt again. Forgiveness is for the forgiver, to give you peace of mind. Forgiveness will allow you to sleep and go on with your life sans their baggage. Forgiveness is dynamic in that it usually requires repeated application. Every time that you feel angry and or hurt, forgive them.
The most important thing is to know that you’re not to blame for how they treat you. Nothing you have done or not done would have changed it. It’s their issue, you didn’t cause it and you can’t change it. Acknowledging that will really help you move on from the hurt you’re feeling right now.
It’s normal to feel let down by these people who are supposed to love you and nurture you. Especially when you witness them doing that for someone else, so you know that they are capable of it. All you can do is limit how much you let their poor behavior affect you. Love and nurture yourself. Rise above their failures and build a great life for yourself, for you, not for them.
UPDATE:
I've received lots of answers (thank you very much for that) so I'll try to answer in this comment.
I have read stuff about narcissism, in fact, I'm a psychology student so I've seen all about it in classes. I do not believe my mum suffers from that kind of trouble, but she might have some behaviours linked to it (she does not lack of empathy etc.)
I am trying to move on from this feeling, fortunately I have lots of amazing friends I can talk to and who know what I'm going through and they've been very helpful. However, whatever one can say, friends love isn't family love.
I'm not saying my family doesn't love me, I just feel like they do not love me as they should be (unconditionally).
I know I'm not to blame, but I think this is unfair. I've always been kind to my parents, I never was a troubled child or anything, never got into big trouble unlike my younger sister.
Someone suggested that they might see her as "weaker" than me and that's why my parents would give her more attention, and I believe it might be true. I also believe I grew up "stronger" due to this lack of attention, so it's a never ending cycle.
I'm starting therapy soon, I think that would be a good way to start.
Thank you for all your replies, it really did help a lot !
UPDATE:
I've received lots of answers (thank you very much for that) so I'll try to answer in this comment.
I have read stuff about narcissism, in fact, I'm a psychology student so I've seen all about it in classes. I do not believe my mum suffers from that kind of trouble, but she might have some behaviours linked to it (she does not lack of empathy etc.)
I am trying to move on from this feeling, fortunately I have lots of amazing friends I can talk to and who know what I'm going through and they've been very helpful. However, whatever one can say, friends love isn't family love.
I'm not saying my family doesn't love me, I just feel like they do not love me as they should be (unconditionally).
I know I'm not to blame, but I think this is unfair. I've always been kind to my parents, I never was a troubled child or anything, never got into big trouble unlike my younger sister.
Someone suggested that they might see her as "weaker" than me and that's why my parents would give her more attention, and I believe it might be true. I also believe I grew up "stronger" due to this lack of attention, so it's a never ending cycle.
I'm starting therapy soon, I think that would be a good way to start.
Thank you for all your replies, it really did help a lot !
It sounds like you have some good insight and your upbringing has been similar to mine. FWIW, I am in my 40s now and my sister is in her 30s and we are both in professional careers. Growing up, she always got babied and got more support. My parents were literally NEVER involved in anything I did in high school, and then when she was in high school, they were in the band booster club and my mom actually helped conduct the interviews to hire a new assistant principal. I moved abroad and my mom refused to visit saying she would absolutely never visit that country. My sister moved abroad to the same country around 4 years later and my mom visited.
My mom always told me that she felt like my sister needed more support that I did and she was more emotional. Of course, my sister never saw it that way. I think some parents have a lot of expectations for their first child, and then when the second one come, they often realize that they need to be more realistic. I never really let how my mom treated me bother me and just accepted the minimal involvement, but can understand that others would have difficulty with this sort of treatment.
I know I'm not to blame, but I think this is unfair. I've always been kind to my parents, I never was a troubled child or anything, never got into big trouble unlike my younger sister.
Someone suggested that they might see her as "weaker" than me and that's why my parents would give her more attention, and I believe it might be true. I also believe I grew up "stronger" due to this lack of attention, so it's a never ending cycle.
I'm starting therapy soon, I think that would be a good way to start.
Thank you for all your replies, it really did help a lot !
Honestly, it sounds like you have a really good handle on things, even though you are struggling.
You're right. It isn't fair. But we don't get to choose our parents.
Now is the time for YOU to become that advocate that your parents, for whatever reason, have not been.
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