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She is puzzling. She is extremely nice and kind and pleasant and easy going and then these nuclear bombs fall out of nowhere. I don't think its deliberate. She just doesn't seem to have any recognition at all how they affect other people.
Not that puzzling, and she most likely knows what she is doing.
Sounds like classic narcissistic behavior. They do this on purpose for attention, because even negative attention is still attention. Other people's feelings don't matter.
I would drop her, you weren't clear on your relationship. But even if this was a relative I would limit contact.
You ever heard of the term 'scatterbrain"?
I have people in my life like this and I usually explode in anger and give a barrage of insults.
When I'm done with my temper tantrum I then tell them that I love them & to please not do that again.
What happens?
They do it again as if their logic and mind had been sucked out of their ears.
I'm afraid that's the situation we have here. I think she's a scatterbrain and just doesn't get it.
Not that puzzling, and she most likely knows what she is doing.
Sounds like classic narcissistic behavior. They do this on purpose for attention, because even negative attention is still attention. Other people's feelings don't matter.
I would drop her, you weren't clear on your relationship. But even if this was a relative I would limit contact.
She is not even remotely narcissistic. I think that word is grossly overused today whenever people do something that other people don't like or understand. She's a very kind, thoughtful and considerate person for the most part. There are simply some inexplicably large cracks in that overall tendency.
Since our relationship is partially monetary it gives the impression of her being willing to do anything for a buck, whether she is being intentionally deceptive or not. I can compare it to the car salesman or even a private seller who sells you a lemon and has no qualms whatsoever about it because they made clear the car is being sold as is, with no warranty.
Now that you are AWARE of this person's issues with reliability, lack of full disclosure, etc, it is ON YOU to make sure that you take that knowledge into account before relying on anything she's said (or not said). I'm talking about living by the old saying "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on ME". If you know she springs stuff on you at the last minute, you now are going to have to be pro-active and grill her about details beforehand, and impress upon her that changes will not be acceptable, or which changes are and are not acceptable.
As an example, friend A was planning on accompanying friend B on a big trip to celebrate B's daughter's birthday. Just before friend A bought her airline ticket, she asked friend B again about the trip specifics and friend B springs on her that truly obnoxious friend C will now be going also, and "Oh by the way, can C split a room with you because daughter and I will be splitting our room?". Friend A ends up backing out of the trip, because a 5 day trip sharing a room with C is totally unacceptable. This is being pro-active and nailing down the specifics before committing to a non-refundable ticket, or being stuck in a room for 5 days with a jerk.
Now that you are AWARE of this person's issues with reliability, lack of full disclosure, etc, it is ON YOU to make sure that you take that knowledge into account before relying on anything she's said (or not said). I'm talking about living by the old saying "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on ME". If you know she springs stuff on you at the last minute, you now are going to have to be pro-active and grill her about details beforehand, and impress upon her that changes will not be acceptable, or which changes are and are not acceptable.
I agree. And I would just walk away before being shamed again if I didn't want what they can provide. Its very desirable to me, if I know exactly what it entails WELL BEFOREHAND.
Quote:
As an example, friend A was planning on accompanying friend B on a big trip to celebrate B's daughter's birthday. Just before friend A bought her airline ticket, she asked friend B again about the trip specifics and friend B springs on her that truly obnoxious friend C will now be going also, and "Oh by the way, can C split a room with you because daughter and I will be splitting our room?". Friend A ends up backing out of the trip, because a 5 day trip sharing a room with C is totally unacceptable. This is being pro-active and nailing down the specifics before committing to a non-refundable ticket, or being stuck in a room for 5 days with a jerk.
That's great analogy of what happened here, except it involves a lot longer than 5 days.
I agree. And I would just walk away before being shamed again if I didn't want what they can provide. Its very desirable to me, if I know exactly what it entails WELL BEFOREHAND.
That's great analogy of what happened here, except it involves a lot longer than 5 days.
People are playing it of their own volition. I can't stop it. I don't go into specific details on the internet. I will only say that they are a principle player in a very desirable housing situation.
I think you need to approach your problem from the standpoint of: what is your goal? And work backwards from there.
Is your goal to somehow give her her comeuppance or just deserts or punish her?
Or
Is your goal to protect yourself, and perhaps your financial situation?
In the latter case, you may want to ask yourself questions like: how do I set boundaries with her in a way that achieves my goal? And then keep it professional, and not personal. Keep it oriented towards the end goal.
I say this because if you're coming up with solutions and judging those solutions by whether they're "too nice" or not, you may be looking at it too personally, and need to back up and decide what is the end result that you're aiming for here: to protect your interests, or to "get back at her"?
Personally, I would have a meeting with them just for that purpose. Be firm and direct.
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