Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 10 days ago)
35,636 posts, read 17,982,736 times
Reputation: 50677
Advertisements
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deserterer
Easier for who? This is quite easy for me, and this is about me.
And I don't mean to seem rude about it. Its just that when discussing personal problems online my policy is to not be too specific. I give enough information to get useful feedback, and I've received a lot of useful feedback on this thread.
I agree, this is your issue, your decision. And you may feel like you're getting useful cryptic information, based on your very cryptic question.
So, there ya go.
So I've been left to conjure up what in the world you're talking about - you're surely not talking about someone who often forgets lunch plans - so I've come up with this.
You've found a very attractive woman who's willing to give you no strings attached sex, and you're paying in part for her living expenses, and you wanted to go over there for sex but she already had someone else there. When you don't give specifics, we're left to piece whatever we think is going on, and then answer from that scenario - so you won't get great advice if the poster is completely wrong about the situation.
I agree, this is your issue, your decision. And you may feel like you're getting useful cryptic information, based on your very cryptic question.
I haven't gotten any cryptic feedback at all. Its all been very plain and straightforward.
Quote:
So, there ya go.
So I've been left to conjure up what in the world you're talking about - you're surely not talking about someone who often forgets lunch plans - so I've come up with this.
You've found a very attractive woman who's willing to give you no strings attached sex, and you're paying in part for her living expenses, and you wanted to go over there for sex but she already had someone else there. When you don't give specifics, we're left to piece whatever we think is going on, and then answer from that scenario - so you won't get great advice if the poster is completely wrong about the situation.
I'll give you 2 points for your florid imagination. And damn, I sure like your scenario better than the reality. Please send pictures of this woman. But the lack of a few very specific details has not in any way prevented people from giving useful feedback. Many people have given useful feedback.
OP, you asked for non-offensive suggestions. This is non-offensive and quite frankly, you just gave yourself the best suggestion.
You don't want to accuse them like what other replies are saying with suggesting "I can't trust you" and "I can't rely on you." This is very offensive and judgmental and the unreliable person will only get angry and defend themselves.
I think you are right. I liked and learned from all of the feedback, but using the assertiveness model, which is specifically designed to protect one's interests and feelings in a way that also respects others, may be the way to go. Although right now I wish the person would jump in a cold deep lake for the trouble they have caused me, the idiot in me wants to hold out a sliver of hope that these problems can be avoided in the future.
I'm not at all sure anything will change though, but I can at least try to tell her how I feel without being offensive to her.
That's certainly possible. I don't need this person in my life, so I could simply walk away. But they have something I want, that isn't easily replaceable. I'm just not sure I want it badly enough to put up with their unpredictability/unreliability/inability to keep me informed of important changes that affect my life. Right now I just don't see a way of going forward with them. Trust has been broken and I'm not sure it can be repaired.
So you're using this person to get what you want? Maybe they can sense that is what's going on, and is the reason they come off flakey too you. If I feel someone is using me, I'm not going to care all that much about them and what they have going on in their lives. Treat people better, and maybe they'll do the same for you.
So you're using this person to get what you want? Maybe they can sense that is what's going on, and is the reason they come off flakey too you. If I feel someone is using me, I'm not going to care all that much about them and what they have going on in their lives. Treat people better, and maybe they'll do the same for you.
they are a principle player in a very desirable housing situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deserterer
our relationship is partially monetary
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow
As an example, friend A was planning on accompanying friend B on a big trip to celebrate B's daughter's birthday. Just before friend A bought her airline ticket, she asked friend B again about the trip specifics and friend B springs on her that truly obnoxious friend C will now be going also, and "Oh by the way, can C split a room with you because daughter and I will be splitting our room?". Friend A ends up backing out of the trip, because a 5 day trip sharing a room with C is totally unacceptable. This is being pro-active and nailing down the specifics before committing to a non-refundable ticket, or being stuck in a room for 5 days with a jerk.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deserterer
That's great analogy of what happened here, except it involves a lot longer than 5 days.
She is puzzling. She is extremely nice and kind and pleasant and easy going and then these nuclear bombs fall out of nowhere. I don't think its deliberate. She just doesn't seem to have any recognition at all how they affect other people.
Do you think you should have told me ahead of time about these last minute changes ? If they say no, ask why.
Do you think your last minute changes don't have an impact on me ? If they say no, ask why.
Something along those lines to make them think of YOU and answer about YOU rather then them.
They seem self centered and statements may just go in one ear and out the other with no understanding.
It may be that a person doesn't inform others who are involved in mutual activities about changes, because they don't want them to be able to change their minds. The person may want to be the only one who has that option. It's very self-centered, to reserve privileges for oneself, while withholding them from others. There's not much you can do when you encounter such a person, except to be forewarned about the next time around. You'd have no one else to blame, if you let it happen again.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
