how do you tell someone who is unreliable (person, retired)

[Deserterer]

...that they are unreliable, in a hopefully constructive way, that does not offend them. Too much.

[BirdieBelle]

In what ways are they unreliable?

[Deserterer]

By not keeping their word. By making last minute announcements about shared living quarters that other persons should have been warned of weeks if not months in advance. And similar "surprises".

[SoCal25]

That's not unreliable, that's a self centered dishonest person. No need to tell them, just get away.

[Deserterer]

Originally Posted by SoCal25

That's not unreliable, that's a self centered dishonest person. No need to tell them, just get away.

I wish it was that easy, although I tend to agree.

[MPowering1]

It is unreliable. You can't rely on them to be straightforward and honest.

How about, 'I can't trust you because you either provide me with misinformation, change your mind at the last minute, or aren't completely honest about what your plans are.'

That's one way to get the message across and maybe they'll see how being straightforward and honest is done.

[MPowering1]

Okay, in a constructive way.....

'I can't rely on what you tell me when you change it at the last minute. That's not good and it's impacting our relationship.'

[Deserterer]

That's a good start. I'm thinking along the lines of the assertiveness model, something like "when you don't tell me about major changes in plans until afterward it causes me huge problems"


But even that seems too nice.

[TMSRetired]

Maybe pose it as a question to them.

Do you think you should have told me ahead of time about these last minute changes ? If they say no, ask why.
Do you think your last minute changes don't have an impact on me ? If they say no, ask why.

Something along those lines to make them think of YOU and answer about YOU rather then them.
They seem self centered and statements may just go in one ear and out the other with no understanding.

[Deserterer]

Originally Posted by TMSRetired

Maybe pose it as a question to them.

Do you think you should have told me ahead of time about these last minute changes ? If they say no, ask why.
Do you think your last minute changes don't have an impact on me ? If they say no, ask why.

Something along those lines to make them think of YOU and answer about YOU rather then them.
They seem self centered and statements may just go in one ear and out the other with no understanding.

Good ideas.



She is puzzling. She is extremely nice and kind and pleasant and easy going and then these nuclear bombs fall out of nowhere. I don't think its deliberate. She just doesn't seem to have any recognition at all how they affect other people.