How do I handle my adult daughter's (27/f) constant control over my (62/f) life? (father, husband)

[MPowering1]

Originally Posted by gettingfromunderthumb

I’m guessing she FaceTime Sophie multiple times a day because either she’s bored, she misses me or she’s monitoring me or combination.

You're an enabler. We can't help someone who has no backbone.

[TheShadow]

Originally Posted by gettingfromunderthumb

I love my child and overall we have a good and close relationship but she can be overly controlling on my life. It’s as if I need her permission to make my own decisions. In this health environment things have only gotten worse. She doesn’t want me to see anyone or go anywhere. I’m very cautious on my own.
I told her I decided to have my cleaning person return with the understanding that this person wear mask and gloves and I will be out of the house in my office for the few hours that she will be here. I also had to have a refrigerator replaced so there were some repairman here it was wearing mask and gloves and I stayed near the door. And there were other things that life presents that we just need to do. She seem to understand but not be happy about it. The real problem centers on my social life.
i have been in a relationship for almost a year and she is vehemently against me seeing this person.I think she’s using it as an excuse since she really has never been easy to deal with in terms of my dating life. Now I have an issue because her and her fiancé who live out of state want to visit for a few weeks. Do I tell my significant other not come here for a few weeks? She also told me that I shouldn’t see anybody now since it’s a 14 day incubation period and she and her fiancé have been avoiding contact with any other people and she doesn’t want me to give her that could possibly result in the virus because she says her immunity system is depressed. Well the facts are that she sees her doctor twice a week and I saw her visiting her girlfriend yesterday and she visits her fiancé’s family from time to time reluctantly. Do I not see anybody for the next 14 days plus the few weeks she’s here or do I just make my own decision and tell her that she can decide whether or not to visit based on my actions?

My bf is having outpatient surgery in a few weeks so I planned on staying with him for several days and he’s required to take a corona virus test (both types). Assuming he’s negative do I tell her so she backs off a bit maybe?

I would definitely NOT have her in my home during this time. SHE is the one violating protocols. And you should tell her that in view of her failure to observe protocols, you absolutely cannot have her, or her fiance who goes who knows where with who knows who, staying in your home. They can stay at a hotel if they have to come to town. And finally, she gets NO input on your social life, and is in no position to tell you not to have your BF over IN YOUR OWN HOME, your home, not her home.

Tell her she backs off COMPLETELY and she stays home. Who the heck visits people for "a few weeks" at anytime? Let alone in the middle of a pandemic! You are the adult here, and the parent. Seriously.

[jencam]

Originally Posted by gettingfromunderthumb

I love my child and overall we have a good and close relationship but she can be overly controlling on my life. It’s as if I need her permission to make my own decisions. In this health environment things have only gotten worse. She doesn’t want me to see anyone or go anywhere. I’m very cautious on my own.
I told her I decided to have my cleaning person return with the understanding that this person wear mask and gloves and I will be out of the house in my office for the few hours that she will be here. I also had to have a refrigerator replaced so there were some repairman here it was wearing mask and gloves and I stayed near the door. And there were other things that life presents that we just need to do. She seem to understand but not be happy about it. The real problem centers on my social life.
i have been in a relationship for almost a year and she is vehemently against me seeing this person.I think she’s using it as an excuse since she really has never been easy to deal with in terms of my dating life. Now I have an issue because her and her fiancé who live out of state want to visit for a few weeks. Do I tell my significant other not come here for a few weeks? She also told me that I shouldn’t see anybody now since it’s a 14 day incubation period and she and her fiancé have been avoiding contact with any other people and she doesn’t want me to give her that could possibly result in the virus because she says her immunity system is depressed. Well the facts are that she sees her doctor twice a week and I saw her visiting her girlfriend yesterday and she visits her fiancé’s family from time to time reluctantly. Do I not see anybody for the next 14 days plus the few weeks she’s here or do I just make my own decision and tell her that she can decide whether or not to visit based on my actions?

My bf is having outpatient surgery in a few weeks so I planned on staying with him for several days and he’s required to take a corona virus test (both types). Assuming he’s negative do I tell her so she backs off a bit maybe?

That.

[Drago45]

Crazy seeing these posts written by people with controlling kids (and I know a couple of real life examples as well).....while others (who are adults) have issues with controlling parents. While the latter is ridiculous, one could at least sort of understand how that happens. Why do some people have such a need to control others?

[himain]

You are the adult here. She is the child. Handle it appropriately. This isn't rocket science!!!!!

[gettingfromunderthumb]

So I had a calm conversation with her today I started out by telling her that I respect her boundaries that she needs to respect mine and trust that I make the right decisions regarding my health and my social life. She kept on asking why am I saying this and I can’t said to her because I think it needs to be said and that we need to each respect each other’s boundaries. She then went on and said if this is if you’re going to tell me that you’re still seeing that guy I’m gonna lose my **** she said this verbatim. She also said that the one only time she met him he was extremely arrogant and disrespectful and then until unless he apologizes she had no interest in being anywhere near himIncluding at our upcoming wedding. She didn’t call me back to remind me that if I intend to bring him to her wedding and she would make other arrangements to make her own wedding. Do I now ask my boyfriend to reach out to her and try to resolve things to move forward or not?

[MPowering1]

Originally Posted by gettingfromunderthumb

So I had a calm conversation with her today I started out by telling her that I respect her boundaries that she needs to respect mine and trust that I make the right decisions regarding my health and my social life. She kept on asking why am I saying this and I can’t said to her because I think it needs to be said and that we need to each respect each other’s boundaries. She then went on and said if this is if you’re going to tell me that you’re still seeing that guy I’m gonna lose my **** she said this verbatim. She also said that the one only time she met him he was extremely arrogant and disrespectful and then until unless he apologizes she had no interest in being anywhere near himIncluding at our upcoming wedding. She didn’t call me back to remind me that if I intend to bring him to her wedding and she would make other arrangements to make her own wedding. Do I now ask my boyfriend to reach out to her and try to resolve things to move forward or not?

Was he disrespectful and rude? If so, what was the exchange between them and did you witness it yourself?

By the way, that's a hell of a way to speak to a parent. What on earth gave her the impression she can speak to you so disrespectfully?

[gettingfromunderthumb]

He wasn’t disrespectful but he did come on strong and in charge. He amAnd I were making Thanksgiving dinner for 10 people and we were on our feet for 8 hours so we were both kind of wound up. I did tell him at the time she was upset about his behavior and he tried to hang out with her the next day and be nice but never really spoke to her directly. After all these months I suppose she never let go of it and it’s the only person she has of him that’s why I’m saying I may ask him to call her even though I hate to do that

[gettingfromunderthumb]

He is generally very nice and thoughtful and my adult son and him have a nice relationship.

[nobodysbusiness]

She sounds really rude, mean, and vindictive.

If she can't respect your boundaries, and wants to punish you by leaving you out of the wedding, you have serious problems that need much more help than you can get here.

I would suggest "couples" counseling with her (with a social worker, not a MFT, psychology type). Social workers are much more practical (my background is in psychology, so trust me, I know what I'm talking about).

If you are low income, you can probably find these services for free.

I would just tell them I have an issue with a family member I need to resolve and would like the assistance of a third party.

I would not call the BF, but that is just me.

Good luck and don't let her treat you like garbage.